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• 

Hello you all,

hope you are all well.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day,

here in my beautiful ugly,

which I admit, is more beautiful than ugly at this time of my life.

I have been on vacation,

I have spent time with friends,

and today my aunt is coming,

to visit,

first time she will see my flat,

de la grande visite.

Tomorrow baseball with my bff.

I have been enjoying,

time, which has been all mine.

On Monday,

my lovely lady and I,

left my place to go to hers,

we had a very late brunch,

and we walked,

in her neighbourhood,

which I love,

so colourful and alive.

We went to Lafontaine Park,

we walked around it,

and then,

we sat,

we watched the ducks,

frolicking, bathing,

napping,

the wind would come up,

and sweep over the surface,

of the pond,

with the afternoon sun,

reflected on it,

it looked like diamond dust,

it was magnifique.

I had my arm around her,

shoulders,

I could smell the sweetness,

of her hair,

she turned to me,

she smiled,

my heart caught,

we had nowhere to go,

nowhere to be,

we were chilling,

watching the ducks.

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

time, which is mine,

Good morning all.

A grey, mild,

Saturday morning,

here in,

my beautiful ugly.

We just had an incredible,

heat wave,

seemed to last forever.

I have been on vacation this week,

the heat messed with some,

of my plans,

but, things are simply,

postponed.

I got a chance to get,

some extra sleep,

which was great,

I binge watched,

Work In Progress,

a really interesting series,

I saw some friends,

and I read most of my,

book club book,

Two Solitudes-

an oldie but a goodie.

Canadian canon work.

I read it for our new book club,

we are reading books,

that bring light to the,

Montreal experience,

who we were,

who we are,

where we have been,

where we are going,

Anglo,

Franco,

Native,

Jew,

and more,

an attempt,

at understanding,

ourselves and each other.

It’s a small book club,

serious readers,

thoughtful bright women,

last night was great,

bodes well for future,

meetings.

I have promised myself,

that I would,

do less this year,

in order to,

dedicate more time,

to reading, to writing,

to introspection.

Last year was,

a hard year,

last year was,

a busy year,

I may have,

over extended myself.

This year,

I want to work, rest,

read, laugh, grow,

I want to pay attention.

I want to spend time,

with my friends,

I want to spend time,

with my lady,

I want to spend time,

with me.

Have a great weekend,

be good to yourselves,

be good to each other.

Later girls,

BB

Hello all.

Hope you are all keeping well.

It is a scorcher,

here in my beautiful ugly.

Hot and humid,

unstable air,

but I am happy.

My lady is coming over,

we are going on a picnic,

with friends,

a double date,

can’t remember the last time,

I did that,

can’t remember the last time,

I picnicked.

I am almost on vacation,

a few lose ends to tie up,

and then I will be off,

for two weeks.

I intend on a lot of RR,

some reading,

some time with family,

a ball game,

a few outings for beer,

on a terrace…

chillin’

and spending time,

with she,

who makes my heart sing,

she of the blue eyes,

denim blue,

like a perfectly,

broken in,

pair of jeans,

denim blue,

my favourite colour,

be still my heart.

I won’t be writing,

much,

for the next little while.

Be good you all,

have fun,

may,

the end of Summer,

be glorious for all of us.

Later girls,

BB

Hello all,

it’s hot and sticky out.

Working from home.

I was hoping for some,

peace and quiet,

alas,

it is not to be,

major welding and sandblasting,

going on across the street,

trying to drown it out,

with a playlist I made,

for my special lady,

lots of standards,

I Could Write A Book,

Bewitched Bothered And Bewildered,

The Way You Look Tonight,

So In Love

…

I love,

Ira Gershwin,

Cole Porter,

Oscar Hammerstein,

but, my favourite lyricist,

is Lorenz Hart,

of Rodgers and Hart fame,

such witty and bittersweet lyrics:

Now if they ask me, I could write a book
About the way you walk and whisper and look
I could write a preface on how we met
So the world would never forget

And the simple secret of the plot
Is just to tell them that I love you a lot
Then the world discovers as my book ends
How to make two lovers of friends

from I Could Write A Book

I’m wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

I’ll sing to him, each spring to him
And long, for the day when I’ll cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

from Bewitched Bothered And Bewildered

I am a word person,

lyricists,

are people I admire,

turning a phrase,

finding the perfect rhyme,

putting into song,

for all of us,

the pain, the joy, the hunger,

of,

love,

sigh.

I have been so very happy,

of late,

working on,

letting things happen,

being,

not controlling,

swaying to the music,

enjoying,

the fun,

the ease of being,

with someone,

who it is so easy to be with,

someone,

who clearly,

enjoys my company,

as much as I do hers.

It has been so long,

since I felt this,

light.

So long since I could shut,

my hyperactive brain,

off,

for a few hours at a time.

To sit, and talk,

just be together,

now,

for a day,

or a week,

or who knows,

accepting,

what has gone,

what pain,

what laughter,

have left behind,

on my person,

on my life,

painting and shinning up,

but, keeping the patina,

the cracks,

reinforcing the fault lines,

adding sturdy stairs,

but, not,

stopping the sun,

from showing,

the shadows,

the light bouncing,

to show,

the beauty of growth,

age,

love and life.

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

• 

Monday morning,

sunny and cool,

busy week ahead,

hit the ground running,

kind of morning.

Wonderful weekend,

with,

my lady

🙂

Life is good.

I am in,

a happy mode,

a happy place.

A place,

where I look at my life,

appreciate what I have,

appreciate the love,

that I have had,

and still have,

try to focus on now,

be happy now,

not wait to be happy,

not plan years ahead,

live,

now,

next week,

next month.

Been an odd Summer,

weather wise,

lots of rain,

lots of chance of rain,

been cool for a few days,

Fall like weather,

I love it,

I love breezes,

I love wind.

I am,

paying attention,

everyday,

I am astonished,

at the love I have,

the home I have,

the people all around me,

my crazy ginger cat,

my job,

I am,

telling about it.

Thank you, God,

the universe,

thank you.

Blessings on all of you,

my dears.

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

Good morning everyone,

hope you are all well.

It’s grey and cool,

this morning,

in my beautiful ugly.

It’s been an odd week,

maybe it’s the moon,

I don’t know,

but I haven’t been sleeping well,

been off my game,

for a few days.

But, that is life,

ebbs and flows.

Last weekend,

I went to a funeral,

never an easy thing.

It was the first since,

my mom’s funeral,

it was for a dear sweet man,

a friend from the neighborhood.

I sat in the local,

catholic church,

the church that is at,

the corner of the street,

I lived on for 30 years,

and I had never been,

inside the sanctuary.

I had been in the basement,

for dinners and bazaars,

but never in the church.

I walked in ,

and it looked like,

catholic churches look like,

here in Quebec,

ornate, pastel,

lots of statues,

blond wooden pews,

the smell of incense,

the smell of floor wax,

it’s own very particular smell,

neither good, nor bad,

a smell that to me is,

Catholic.

After a nice service,

I went home,

petted the cat,

felt a little wobbly,

so many memories,

reliving my mom’s funeral,

but, mostly thinking,

of what a lovely man,

Norman was,

how he always brought,

smiles and laughter,

everywhere he went,

how loved he was.

Sad.

I got changed,

into my shorts and sandals,

went to the plateau to,

spend some time with,

my lady.

Being with her,

holding her,

changes things,

it’s so easy,

I can just be me,

not some idealized,

version of me.

The affectionate me,

the anxious me,

the babbly me,

the giggly me,

the righteously indignant me,

me,

she likes me,

as I am,

and I like her,

quiet, considerate,

funny, sexy,

smart, stylish.

I love holding her close,

I love exploring,

the city we both love,

together.

I love getting to know her,

I love letting life unfold.

Ebbs and flows,

death, remembrance,

life, affection.

I am blessed,

by those I know,

by those I have known.

Be well you all.

Later, girls,

BB

• 

Mom and I, much younger days.

Good morning everyone,

cloudy, muggy day here,

in my beautiful ugly.

Been ten months.

since my mom passed,

I miss her, but, she is with me,

and I believe looks out for me.

This flat.

even though it is very much,

mine,

has many of her things,

her books, her picture,

some of her furniture,

it all blends well,

with my things,

just as we lived together,

in good harmony,

with few false notes.

I love this picture above,

she is young and has this,

artsy look to her,

mom would laugh, she worked in a bank at that time, not artsy, she would say.

and me, well,

I am very much,

baby butch.

I used to tease mom,

that she didn’t get butch,

and then I look at this photo,

and I think,

she dressed me in those days,

so she sure got butch,

on this,

photo,

the haircut,

the turtleneck,

the pants with suspenders,

the only false note,

are the Mary Janes,

that we don’t see,

but, they are red,

a splash of colour.

Mom, I miss,

sharing things with you,

laughing,

arguing about politics,

I miss your fashion advice,

you were mostly right,

and sometimes,

you would smile,

when I would say,

“Mom, that really isn’t Butch”

Rest In Peace,

you sure earned it.

Je t’aimes maman,

ta Caroline.

Later girls,

BB

• 

Good morning all.

It is a grey ish morning here,

in my Verdun.

Less and less I feel the inclination to call it, My beautiful ugly, because, let’s face it, it is lush and pretty, sigh.

My personal life,

is lush and pretty right now.

Everyday my home,

becomes more,

mine.

I am enjoying time with friends,

I am enjoying getting to know,

a lovely woman.

She, is so not complicated,

she takes life as it comes,

she is grateful for what she has,

she enjoys the now,

I don’t mean that in a hokey,

new agey, self help,

kind of,

a way,

I mean it in,

a breath in,

breath out,

feel the breeze,

taste the food,

hold her hand,

kind of way,

a no hurry,

we’ve got right now,

let’s live,

kind of way.

Also, let’s not over think.

I have always,

overthought things,

and in the past few months,

I have tried to feel,

more, than think,

I need to not,

let my anxieties,

take me over,

just feel, just be.

I need to focus less,

this doesn’t apply to work,

that I need to focus more,

but, in being with friends,

loved ones,

I need to feel,

not get anxious,

trust the feelings,

in the immortal words,

of Marvin Gay,

We’re all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar (ooh ooh)
Since we’ve got to be here
Let’s live

yeah, let’s live, let’s enjoy.

Have a great one you all.

Later girls,

BB

Good morning all.

Hope all is well with you.

It is cool here in my beautiful ugly.

I am sitting at my desk,

having my tea,

soon, I will be,

jumping in the shower,

getting on with my day,

but, right now,

I am petting the chubby one,

and enjoying my quiet time.

I am happy.

There are many factors,

contributing to it,

the new place is top of the list,

my job,

the people who are a part,

of my quotidian,

my friends, my boss,

my neighbors.

I made some changes,

in the last six months.

Life threw me,

some major curveballs,

the kind that almost break your hand,

when you catch them,

and catch them you must,

the sting lasts a long time.

You walk around wounded,

for months, many months,

and then…

you heal.

You look around,

you are grateful to the people,

who nursed you,

back to feeling yourself again,

but, you aren’t the same,

the deep wound has left,

you changed,

has left you feeling that,

you need to live you life,

surrounded by uncomplicated love.

Life is complicated,

love should not be.

I have happiness in my life,

I am happier than I can remember being.

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

Hello everyone,

Monday here in my beautiful ugly,

a scorcher.

I have had a very busy day,

my plate is full.

But, I feel fantastic.

I just had four days off.

I visited with friends,

I had a restful,

joyful,

long weekend.

The Habs are in the final,

pretty freakin’ awesome.

Last Monday night,

a newish friend came over,

we had dinner,

it was great we both like to talk,

and we are both open books,

makes for frank discussions,

honest questions.

My friend asks questions,

she is curious,

inquisitive,

about…lots of things,

I really like that about her.

Sometimes, she asks me,

questions,

about stuff that has never,

occurred to me.

For instance,

she gets here,

goes into the bathroom,

to wash her hands,

comes out and says,

wow, you like lots of kinds of soap, right?

I guess I have lots of bottles,

of shower gel, shampoo,

I like some choice,

I guess, to me it’s perfect.

For all seasons, all moods,

all the different parts of me.

I like choices, in most things.

But, the question that has really,

been turning in my mind,

for the last few days,

my friend,

who is a Christian,

born and raised,

a good,

smart,

compassionate person.

She looks at me and says,

how does a person become a Christian in their fifties?

And went on,

how do you deal with the, inconsistencies in the bible, the totally weird stuff, about gender roles etc?

I am not quoting , I am paraphrasing

Funny, I have been asked,

this before, and,

sometimes,

I have felt defensive about it,

because the person was,

sort of being…critical.

Like I kind of had to be stupid,

to be a Christian,

But, with this friend,

I don’t feel defensive,

she is just too wide open,

to feel any judgment or worse,

malice.

So, I leaned back,

and thought about it,

not very long.

You know, I said,

I am Gay, and,

I have lived and continue,

to live in,

a straight world,

growing up,

there were no,

positive lesbian role models,

that I knew of,

the culture that was reflected to me,

was lesbians and gay guys,

were,

weird,

laughable,

queer,

before this word was rehabilitated

I didn’t think that,

I knew there was nothing wrong,

with me,

I was never a closet case,

but I wasn’t out and proud,

either,

in high school or college,

it was actually difficult,

to tell people,

it wasn’t really well ‘seen’.

This isn’t me complaining,

this is me explaining,

that I learned,

early in life,

to tilt the prism,

to modify,

the prevailing perspective,

you watch romcoms,

and see yourself,

as,

the romantic lead,

romancing the girl,

sweeping her off her feet,

you apply this everywhere,

the view of the world,

must include you.

You and others,

of your tribe,

we are in the world too,

you tilt the prism,

substitute, break down,

you learn to see,

subtext,

plot holes,

inconsistencies,

so when you read,

the Bible,

this happens too,

you know that women,

aren’t inferior,

or subservient,

and the Bible,

can be a mass of contradictions.

It was written by men,

it was translated,

sometimes badly,

with a bias,

but, if you never read,

stuff that had,

mysoginy,

or,

homophobia,

you wouldn’t read much,

also, people,

do and have evolved.

I don’t pick and chose,

what I believe,

as another friend suggested,

I think my theology is open,

I believe,

that the universe, is complex,

I believe God is not,

someone,

or something,

I can easily know,

I tilt the prism,

to capture all the pretty colours,

of the infinitely vast world,

we live in.

The splendour of diversity.

Be well you all,

thanks for reading,

my ramblings.

Later girls,

BB