Ebbs and flows

Good morning everyone,

hope you are all well.

It’s grey and cool,

this morning,

in my beautiful ugly.

It’s been an odd week,

maybe it’s the moon,

I don’t know,

but I haven’t been sleeping well,

been off my game,

for a few days.

But, that is life,

ebbs and flows.

Last weekend,

I went to a funeral,

never an easy thing.

It was the first since,

my mom’s funeral,

it was for a dear sweet man,

a friend from the neighborhood.

I sat in the local,

catholic church,

the church that is at,

the corner of the street,

I lived on for 30 years,

and I had never been,

inside the sanctuary.

I had been in the basement,

for dinners and bazaars,

but never in the church.

I walked in ,

and it looked like,

catholic churches look like,

here in Quebec,

ornate, pastel,

lots of statues,

blond wooden pews,

the smell of incense,

the smell of floor wax,

it’s own very particular smell,

neither good, nor bad,

a smell that to me is,


After a nice service,

I went home,

petted the cat,

felt a little wobbly,

so many memories,

reliving my mom’s funeral,

but, mostly thinking,

of what a lovely man,

Norman was,

how he always brought,

smiles and laughter,

everywhere he went,

how loved he was.


I got changed,

into my shorts and sandals,

went to the plateau to,

spend some time with,

my lady.

Being with her,

holding her,

changes things,

it’s so easy,

I can just be me,

not some idealized,

version of me.

The affectionate me,

the anxious me,

the babbly me,

the giggly me,

the righteously indignant me,


she likes me,

as I am,

and I like her,

quiet, considerate,

funny, sexy,

smart, stylish.

I love holding her close,

I love exploring,

the city we both love,


I love getting to know her,

I love letting life unfold.

Ebbs and flows,

death, remembrance,

life, affection.

I am blessed,

by those I know,

by those I have known.

Be well you all.

Later, girls,


By Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my mid early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream


  1. Sometimes all you need is to hold someone’s hand as you walk through town. Dan Bern.

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