I should be at work,
today,
but,
I’m not,
I feel crappy,
actually,
crappy,
doesn’t begin to describe,
how I feel,
I have gone,
from,
chasm to numb,
to reaching for happiness,
to guilt and anger,
and,
other things,
which,
I neither,
understand,
nor,
can explain.
The process of,
the anatomy of,
grief.
Some people have therapy,
I have a blog.
This is my process,
my wailing wall,
my release.
I am trying to be strong,
get through,
live my life,
be happy,
I miss my anarchist.
He brought joy,
but,
also,
reason,
to everything,
he would say,
nobody is indispensable,
you will get through this,
of course,
I will,
new people and new experiences,
will manifest themselves,
come into my life,
but,
today and this past week,
have been,
hard.
Later today,
I will be going to a gathering of,
Francoys’s friends,
I plan on wearing,
the most colourful shirt,
I own,
no blue oxford,
to celebrate the anarchist,
blue linen with garlands of pink flowers,
classy, frayed Hawaiian,
an homage,
in colour.
I will lift a gin and tonic,
to his life,
his spirit,
my love and friendship for him.
I anticipate,
a flood of emotion,
but,
afterwards,
I will be in the arms of my family,
they will get me through,
this dark time.
thanks for ‘listening’
Later girls,
BB
And I will stand with you… maybe not every step of the way as, I too, have to find ways to deal with what was supposed to be a great loss but ended up being a great loss AND a shit storm (and I am being polite here đŸ˜‰ ), but even tho I will never be as strong as he was, you can lean on me. We WILL get through this!! When all the ugliness has subsided, the good memories will remain. I will push the horror aside to only remember his laughter, his love of life, his stunning intelligence and his even greater humanity!
I wish us love and light.
We will, I know your grief and love is great, there are many of us, he was fiercely loved, we must remember all that you said, the man, the mountain.
Your writing makes me feel like I’ve lost someone even though I only met Francoys briefly. Be strong, lean on people when you need to, and look at the puppy photos I shared with you.
I have gotten so much love and support, sometimes from unexpected sources, thanks for that and thanks for the puppy and kitten pictures, that always helps:-)