Red wine and stretch jeans

Hello all, 
hope you are feeling,
chipper and spry.
Did your favourite groundhog,
give your wished for...prognosis?
Prediction?
Psychic reading?
Here's hoping.

Here,
in the beautiful ugly,
it is mild, damn mild,
sucker you in to thinking,
it's Spring,
mild.
I say,
enjoy it while it lasts.
You won't hear me,
bitching,
about a lack of snow.
Snow in the city,
is pretty for a half hour,
after that,
it's a nuisance.
For you,
outdoorsy Winter frolicking types,
my sympathies,
for the rest of us,
woo hoo!!

February is here and that's means,
no matter what the groundhog,
predicts...
Spring,
isn't far behind.
Far and soon,
are relative concepts.
One person's soon is,
another person's far.

I'm feeling good,
for the weirdest reasons,
off the top of my head,
I would say:
red wine and stretch jeans.

I read an article:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/people-who-drink-alcohol-outlive-those-who-abstain-study-shows-8995879.html

also, I know drinking red wine,
is good for you, 
your heart etc
and, 
I have discovered...
better late than never,
that I actually love,
red wine.
So, for the past few weeks,
I have been picking up,
a bottle of red at our state run,
liquor stores,
I have few guidelines
it must be under $10 dollars,
and,
it has to:
speak to me,
name, label, region,
any and all of the above.
something.
Two weeks ago it was,
a big bold Italian,
last week, a Spanish wine.
What this week brings,
I do not know,
but, there is always,
a vast selection,
even with my broke butch,
budget and criterion.
I have one glass with dinner,
occasionally,
after a really rough, frustrating day,
two.
I feel better,
I digest better,
I feel less stress,
and,
I am less cranky,
win, win, win, win.

Next week,
I am taking a two day class,
paid for by the office,
a CPR and rescue course,
You spend a lot of time,
bent over a mannequin.
I thought it would be important,
to be comfortable,
also,
I did not want to show one iota,
of butt crack,
I don't have an ounce of plumber in me.

I am not the most conventional of people,
but,
I do not consider,
sweatpants and or yoga pants,
appropriate attire,
aside from,
working out and or lounging,
I did make an exception,
when recovering from surgery,
last year.
I'll wear hoodies, flannel shirts etc,
I work in a very informal setting,
and,
the world is a more and more,
informal place,
which has it pros and cons.
but, I draw the line at,
sweatpants to work.

So, I had to figure something out.
I know that lots of women,
wear stretch jeans,
but, I'm a butch,
I don't do girl jeans.
A few months ago,
I had seen posters,
all over American Eagle,
promoting these flex jeans,
of theirs.
Yesterday, I thought I would try,
some on, to see.

Oh my,
game changers.
As I slipped them on,
I wondered,
where have these jeans,
been all my life?
Yes, they are that comfortable,
they are also nice,
and, although not cheap,
very reasonable,
second pair was half off.
Remains to be seen,
how long they will last,
but,
it is bound to be better,
than my Old Navys,
whose crotch blew after,
six months.
No more Old Navy jeans for me,
they are cheap but...
I have some awesome Gaps,
slim fit,
and now.
these stretches,
from American Eagle,
I think I am covered.

Learning new things,
discovering new things,
experimenting new things,
even when they are,
as silly,
as being giddy over new jeans,
keeps you going.

Enjoy what's left of the Winter,
maybe even get out and shake,
your booty, groove thing,
or butt
:-)

Be well.

Later girls



Patina, frayed edges and bucket lists

Hello all.
I apologize for my long absence. 
I have had much on my mind,
have been making lots of,
notes and diagrams and,
thinking, 
lots of,
thinking.

I have been thinking about what I want, 
what I really, really want,
forgive the Spice Girl reference, couldn't resist:-)



Looking ahead,
what do I want to do?
what, if anything do I want to accomplish?

The thing I miss most about my bookstore,
is meeting new and smart people,
I mean, not everyone I met was smart,
contrary to popular myth and folklore,
not all readers are smart but,
I was constantly exposed to,
new ideas and avenues of exploration.

I am pretty sure you don't need a bookstore.
to be exposed to that sort of stuff,
I read, I surf the net, 
I have brilliant friends,
but,
meeting new stimulating people,
has been difficult,
since I closed the store,
since, I lost Francoys,
since, I had my surgery.
I have been low.

In the next few weeks,
I will celebrate,
the removal of my alien.
yup,
a year,
and, this week,
one year of no smoking.

Do I miss smoking?
Less than I thought I would,
Is it hard?
Not so much anymore.

It's not about having it beat,
or letting my guard down,
it's mostly that I don't 
want a vice or bad habit to,
have a hold on me,
to dictate certain parts,
certain outcomes,
of my life.
I like having better breath,
I like breathing better,
I like having more money,
I miss the relaxation,
smoking procures,
I miss the taste,
but,
I chose not to smoke,
not because,
I am good and virtuous,
or because I have allowed,
the demonizing of tobacco,
to influence me,
I chose not to smoke because,
I have decided,
that I would like to live,
longer than,
60 years.
Quitting smoking,
improves my odds,
and improves my health,
that's it.

I want to live long enough,
to develop good patina,
to appreciate frayed edges,
I want to see my hair,
go all,
grey,
and then white,
I want to grow old,
not get old.

Old age is something I want to experience,
not suffer through.

Old age isn't 50.

Fifty is still plenty young,
so this year,
I am going to knock a few things,
of my bucket list,
work at maintaining the old bod,
stimulating my mind,
to keep it fresh and agile.

The first steps in body maintenance,
have been taken,
and,
now we,
plank:-)

The stimulating of the mind is made up,
of knowledge and new experiences,
this year,
I will make efforts to reach out to new people,
be open, more open.

One thing,
I will do, for sure,
is travel to a bucket list destination,
this year:
the Canadian North,
it will either be,
the North West Territories or Nunavut,
not sure which,
yet,
but, it will be in the fall,
and it will be accompanied by photos,
and,
an article,
a butch from the south travels north,
type of thing.

I see great things for this year,
here is to,
patina, 
frayed worn edges, and
bucket lists

Be well you all,
big massive hug

Later girls,
BB


Another new year

Well, I am a little late to wish you all a Happy New Year...

The New Year has been around for almost three weeks.
Here's hoping ringing it in and,
the first few weeks have
been golden,
for all of you.

I'm doing well, feeling a little cold,
January is the frigid portion of the calendar.

I had nice, quiet holidays, managed a few days off,
both at Christmas and New Year's,
spent time with loved ones.
Was spoiled and spoiled a few people as well.
Got some lovely books, new bag, gloves, yoga mat
(yes, my friends you read that right!! )

The year so far,
fine,
work is fine,
health is A1-
(saw my surgeon for the last time on Friday.
Fit as a fiddle:-)
Gained some weight over the last few months,
bigger appetite and some 
overindulgence, then the holidays, 
also it would appear my thyroid is a factor as well.
I am waiting for a scan for the thyroid, 
no real worries there, runs in the family, easily,
controlled, we'll see.
Trying to eat less 
and,
doing some planking, strengtening the core and working on
building a slimmer, stronger butch.

I am in a decent place right now,
creativity isn't at it's peak but,
I am building and tearing down and building, again
this is how it works for me,
lots of the building and tearing down goes on,
inside,
my imagination, my mind.
Sharing and experimenting photos on instagram
check me out bookishbutch@instagram

I haven't been reading loads but, I have been,
slow steady pace.
mostly, I am enjoying my life, spending time with friends,
ladies hockey games, movies,
Mom and I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens,
she loved it, I enjoyed it,
a good New Year's day movie.

Today I am going to see Carol,
the Cate Blanchet film based on,
Patricia Highsmith's novel,
The Price Of Salt,
I am not usually a fan of Highsmith's,
too dark and cynical,
for my taste but, I loved this book

here is an appreciation from the early 
years of the blog, be careful may contain spoilers:-)
The Price Of Salt-An Appreciation
I will write soon, I feel the period of cogitation, is about to end. Be well, all the best. Later girls, BB

As I get older…

Good Christmas Eve to all of you,
whether you celebrate it,
or not. 
The sentiment is there anyway.
Peace on earth,
good will towards all.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the family I was born into.
The older I get, the more I realize the blessings of friendship.
The older I get, the more I miss certain people.
The older I get, the more I know that love is the most important part of,
everything.

At this time of year, I miss my grandmother and grandfather,
so much. I wish I could tell them what their example of grace and good humor, hard work and sacrifice, has meant in my life. They were good people, hard working and smart, kind and generous.

I miss my father, who could be terrible at the holidays, but, who was never boring. Charming and gregarious, dark and sarcastic, too.
I realize, now, that demons from your past are awakened at Christmas and that isn't peoples fault. 

I miss my friend Francoys. He disliked the consumerism and he would never consider, celebrating the baby Jesus:-) But, he was kind and jovial and the most hospitable of hosts.
My life is forever changed because of his loss.

I miss them all, but, those I still,
have,
are just as wonderful.

My mother the little ball of energy, 
what would I do without her?
My friend Helene and her wonderful mother, family for so many years.
My aunt, my uncle, my wonderful cousins and little baby cousins.

My health is good, my mind is strong, I have the woman of my dreams,
in my life.

Let us not quibble about things we cannot control,
distance,meaneness,
let us concentrate on loving each other
let us be grateful for all that we have,
and,
remember the good times.

From me to you,

Merry Christmas

Be well

Later girls,

BB




What it means to me

Chilly morning, here in the beautiful ugly

Hope you are all well and keeping warm.

It will be Christmas very shortly,
I've been thinking about that,
 what Christmas,
means,
to me.

I have a work colleague,
he's strange,
not a bad egg,
just strange,
needs to talk, be listened to,
we all do,
some of us,
more than others.
I seem to attract people,
who need to talk,
who need to be loved,
I somehow fill a need,
a void,
that is a good thing,
although,
it can occasionally be,
a load,
a burden,
anyway,
enough with the dollar store,
psychology
:-)

This colleague,
he is Jewish and French
(as in, from France)
He wants to know what I think,
about things,
not quite sure why,
but,
he says provocative or controversial things,
and,
waits for my reaction.

This week it was about,
Christmas and how it is,
about the birth of Christ,
hmm.
This can be very controversial,
in
A) a post Catholic society
B) a work place filled with Muslims
etc
of course,I also understand that as a Jew,
Christmas time must be a royal pain in the a..
for him

So, it got me thinking,
while I was explaining,
that to me,
Christmas wasn't much about the birth of Jesus.
Then again...

To me,
Christmas is about family,
about good will to others,
and,
yes, I guess about real 'Christian' principles.
I am not a Christian,
nor anything other than an agnostic,
a total fence sitter,
when it comes to religion.

I hate,
all that has been done in the name,
of religion,
of God,
but,
I am no atheist,
I have no certainty,
about the existence of God,
nor about the lack of one.

I envy people who have faith,
I respect their commitment and belief.
I despise it when people,
try to shove their beliefs down my throat,
and,
I am pretty much always willing to listen,
to peoples beliefs,
but,
if their beliefs involve the disrespect,
of the beliefs of others,
indeed the persecution of others,
hatred instead of love,
ignorance instead of openness,
they lose me.

I'm no saint, but, I do listen

I envy people of faith because,
to me they are positive and romantic,
notions,
and,
I always prefer optimistic viewpoints,
I am not quite an optimist myself,
but,
I do believe,
in the inherent good in people.
I am lucid,
I see bad and ugly,
but,
although I do not bury my head in the sand,
and look away,
I dislike wallowing in ugly,
and,
taking the cynical and complacent route,
everything is bad,
everything sucks,
we are doomed.

I don't believe that,
I refuse to believe that.

So, to me,
Christmas is about taking a break,
smiling at each other,
exchanging good will,
eating,
drinking,
being merry,
charging our batteries,
in the warm embrace of whatever,
is most important to us,
family,
friends,
faith,
and going on fighting the good fight that is,
life

Be well, you all

Later girls,
BB

tweaking

Hello you all,
Hope you are all deliriously well and happy.

I am in the process of trying out changes ,
on the blog,
tweaking.
To make it easier to read on mobile devices, 
it has been suggested to me that this would be a good idea,
more than once,
so what the hey...
let's give it a try.

I would appreciate feedback.
Of course,
it's my blog,
so ultimately,
it's my call.
Still...

A few questions
 Do you prefer less space between the lines of text?
 Do you think the new single space messes with the cadence?
 Do you like this header or prefer the previous one?
 Do you care?
 Would you like me to share more photographs?

 I know that in the last two years,
 the blog has taken a more personal slant,
 would you prefer more writing on books 
 and more conventional themes ?
Or do you like the confessional, stream of consciousness ramblings?

I await your feedback.

Will write in a few days, very busy right now, 
but so much percolating in my brain and life.

Be well, keep warm and enjoy yourself.

Later girls,

BB

We must Remember

I wrote this post in 2010, I have edited a few parts, about hockey and the weather.

I believe the rest of it, stands up.

 

The saddest of days

December 6 th,

is the anniversary of one of the worst events in Montreal history,

the massacre at Polytechnique.

Fourteen young women were murdered,

by a young man who hated feminists.

I remember that early december evening in 1989,

like it was yesterday.

They were gunned down for wanting to be engineers.

In a place of higher learning.

The city was shocked and stunned and numb.

Twenty six years later,

we are still coming to terms with these events.

How could this happen in our city,

in our province,

in our country.

Canada,

not a fundamentalist country.

Canada,

not a country where you can buy guns,

at Walmart.

Canada, the True North Strong and Free.

In the last few years,

the Harper government,

has neutered gun registration laws,

in an attempt to placate it’s base.

You want to own guns,

fine,

register them.

Registered guns save lives.

This is not my opinion nor that of feminist groups,

it is the opinion of law enforcement throughout the country.

When police arrive at the scene of domestic violence,

if they can check beforehand on registered guns in the house,

they can prevent deaths,

of the women who are the victims of this domestic situation,

and of the policemen who intervene.

Gun control and gun registration help.

I am hopeful that the newly elected Trudeau government will reinforce gun control laws

Those women who were slaughtered would be in their forties and fifties.

today,

like me.

I remember them,

and long for the day when we will all be equal,

all over the world.

African little girls becoming doctors or nurses,

Chinese daughters cherished.

We, all of us,

must do better.

For all our sons and daughters.

Later girls

BB

Butch seeks Mojo

As Joni would sing,

It’s coming on Christmas…

It’s dark and grey and rainy,

here in the beautiful ugly.

20131211_221912

I am having problems focusing,

lately,

I am all over the place,

starting books,

putting them down,

starting projects,

putting them down,

coasting,

that is how my girlfriend put it.

I believe that is an accurate,

evaluation.

I seem to have misplaced my,

mojo.

I don’t think it’s lost:-)

But,

sometimes I misplace things for years,

case in point: a pair of Ray Ban Club Masters that just turned up in a bag at the back of my closet, that mom was preparing to give away, she mistakenly thought it was hers. Been looking for those sunglasses for years, thought I had lost them.

Things infuriate me,

I have triggers,

I am touchy and feel hard done by.

I blame not getting work done,

on inadequate tools,

but, the fact is,

I have become,

unadventurous,

careful,

I coast because it is easier,

than putting myself out there,

challenging myself,

to do more,

to take risks.

I have all kinds of good reasons,

no money,

no time,

I’m too old for that…

on and on,

and,

bla bla bla.

Truth is,

I have been inhabited by deep sadness,

since I lost my friend,

the anarchist,

it’s as if a piece of me,

had been torn out,

leaving me,

alive and,

in no real physical peril,

but,

maimed and weary.

His untimely death,

coming a year after,

the closure of my bookstore,

left me sad and hurt,

and,

inhabited by this deep sense,

of,

life is so  fuckin’ unfair…

it also left me,

with this sense,

of,

life is short,

get out there and live it.

I miss talking to someone,

who never judged me,

totally understood me,

never told me what to do,

my sounding board,

my mountain of knowledge and sheer joy for life.

How will I ever get over his loss?

How will I rebuild my confidence,

become the charming me,

again.

I have to find a passion,

again,

I have to rebuild a sense,

of community,

again,

I have to lean on those I love,

have them lean on me.

I have to get my mojo,

Back.

I don’t know what will bring,

my mojo back,

what spark will ignite,

the fire.

For now,

I will work,

read,

lots of reading,

expose myself to more art,

and,

challenge myself,

this I need,

it won’t come from external sources,

my challenges and motivations,

come from within,

always have,

that doesn’t mean I am closed off,

from the stimulation and passion of others…

A suivre.

This is the time of year,

when I look back on,

the lessons of the past year,

and,

look forward,

and make plans for,

the next year.

December is both,

a month of reflection and optimism.

 

I am reading books,

to take me elsewhere,

in time,

geographically.

Che’s Motorcycle Diaries,

highly recommend,

full of passion, youth, fervour,

goes a long way in helping to,

understand,

the man,

the era,

the history,

I have a soft spot for Che,

for the land he comes from,

Argentina.

I have never visited,

aside from books,

but,

I feel attached to it,

somehow.

I am also reading,

First World War poetry,

novels,

I have an interest and affinity,

there as well.

I believe my next great thing,

might have it’s roots there,

in history, in revolution…

again,

a suivre.

Be well,

all of you,

read books,

whatever,

cuddle,

talk to each other.

Later girls,

BB

Checking in

Hello all,

Just checking in,

all is well.

I have a functional computer,

works fine,

need to figure out,

Gimp,

so I can work on photos.

Been making mounds of,

notes,

ideas,

for projects,

taking lots of pics,

sharing mostly on,

Instagram,

give me a follow,

or just check it out.

Reading,

lots of reading,

poetry, memoir,

World War I stuff,

more Sassoon,

and,

some.

Wilfrid Owen,

which I just picked up

keep thinking of  Owen as Clive, but, that’s the good looking British contemporary actor, rather than the dashing poet who died a few days before armistice.

clivewilfred-owen-was-an

I will be crazy busy,

for the next few days,

work,

social,

company visiting,

will be in touch soon.

Hope you are doing well,

and,

enjoying what-

so far,

has been the nicest November,

I can recall.

Be well my friends.

Later girls,

BB

Make up? I like to think of it as …

Hello you all,

it’s been a while,

hope you are all,

in tip top shape.

I’m feeling good,

it’s the Fall,

got a haircut,

a new jacket,

that fits, perfectly.

For years,

I bought clothes that,

were too big,

too long,

I had to compensate for my,

girth.

Even after,

I lost weight,

I was still big in the gut,

because of the alien.

The girth is less,

the alien is gone,

and,

for the first time,

in a long time,

I can buy clothes,

that look the way,

I want them to look.

I could still do with some,

loss around the middle,

what is it the exercise types call it? strengthening your core:-)

but for the most part,

I am happy,

with the way things are,

evolving,

a work in progress,

taking care of,

and,

loving my body,

building a better butch.

The other day,

I was looking at a selfie,

taken last Fall,

I take a lot of selfies, for many reasons, documenting my life, practising photography, vanity, etc:-)

and,

I noticed,

that I looked,

different,

in good ways,

the slimmer thing is good,

but, also,

older.

A few signs of aging have appeared,

it’s normal,

I’m fifty.

I don’t mind the grey in my hair,

actually,

I like it,

no plans to dye it,

I won’t say never,

you never know but,

highly unlikely.

But,

puffy eyes?

a brown spot on my cheek?

Yeah,

I can live without those.

I have always been,

no nonsense in my,

ablutions,

routine.

Shower,

wash my hair,

a little cologne,

in recent years,

a little bit of hair product,

to prevent hat hair.

I wear caps: baseball, flat caps and beanies, I even have a fedora, they mess up your hair, you need product

But, moisturizer?

make-up?

I never needed that,

and with middle age,

now,

I do,

is it make up?

not really,

but,

it is,

about concealing,

the tiny flaws,

and putting a face,

I prefer,

forward.

Less for others,

than for me.

I’m vain,

and proud.

I don’t look twenty,

I don’t look thirty,

I am not even aiming,

for,

forty,

I just like to see the me,

I like,

reflected back at me.

If that makes any sense?

I’m not made up,

I’m ….

hiding

😛

Be well,

you all.

Later girls,

BB