Menopause seems to rhyme with pissed off

Hi everyone,

hope you are all well,

taking a bit of a break,

for real,

this time,

from the blog,

social media,


Need to work,


work some more.


everything pisses me off,



I don’t seem to be meeting,

anyone’s needs.

I am too positive and,

Polyanna-ish for some,


too angry and negative,

for others,

I feel pissed off,

all the time,


it feels as if people want to,


as long as,

I say what,

they want to hear,


that is probably my,

hormonal state,


In the interest of,

my sanity,


my relationships,

I am stepping back,

closing down the blog,

and social media,

until the beginning of October.

By then,

I might actually have,

something to say,

Enjoy the beginning of Fall,


the colours.

Later girls,


Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments

A butch and her backpack

Hello all,

hope the end of Summer,

is going your way.

It’s a little hot for my taste,


I know the Fall is coming,

the Fall,

my favourite season,

as I am prone to say:

butch season.


Perfect layering,


cap and boot season.

Happy sigh

Work has been tiring,

of late,

when it’s hot,

I don’t sleep well,

when I don’t sleep well,

I get cranky,

at work I hold it in,

which leads to the,



Still haven’t found,

my new,

career phase,

so I think I will stay,

where I am for a bit.

I have,


made a few resolutions,

more air,

more exercise,

that isn’t new,


I also want to travel.

I don’t have,

a lot of money,


I don’t drive,


I want to make a few trips,

to parts of Canada,

I have never seen.

First off,

next year,

Yellowknife, NWT.

I have  friends who live there,

I would like to visit,

I have never been,

to the North,

so the plan is,

mid September or mid October,

in 2016,


northern lights, aurora borealis, Yellowknife, NWT, The Lonely Planet guide to Yellowknife

I will be  out and about taking pictures,

meeting new people,

having new experiences,

I am pretty psyched about it.

Then it will be,





in a few years,

Vancouver and the BC coast and interior.

I know people all over Canada,

I am a no fuss house guest,

so maybe I can convince,

some people,

to let me crash on their couch,

for a day or two,

if not,

youth hostels and monasteries,

here I come.

I am excited about this plan,

it’s preliminary,

quasi embryonic,


it’s got me,



Portrait of me  by a young artist at the Mont-Royal sidewalk sale this weekend, I look younger and leaner and that is fine by me:-)

Have a great one.

Later girls,


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I’ve been reading…

Hello you all, we had another heat wave, last week, I am just now, recovering. ouf, I hate the hot, humid, sweaty heat. It’s over now, it’s gorgeous, hot, not sticky, Summer, end of Summer. I’ve been reading, again, what … Continue reading

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Of drudgery and dreams

Hope you are all,

keeping well,

in this last half of,


I like August,

still some heat,

long days but,

the harvest begins,

the colours are more mellow,

less the stark sun and blue,

of July,

nice month.

It’s been a weird week,

lots of good,



disconcerting things,


things that set my mind to,


I like my job,

it’s not much,

in the way of money,

or stimulation,


growth opportunities,

are present,

and some pretty odd examples,

of human nature,


some times it is,


some times it is just,



always it is food for thought,

be it learning about,


my own foibles, limitations, which of my buttons are easily pushed,

or it is an opportunity,

to wonder,

how some people manage,

to survive,

if not prosper,

in spite of,

their horrendous people skills,


what can only be described as ,

toxic personalities.

You know the kind of person I mean,

you can avoid them,

in your intimate circles,



when it comes to the workplace,

that is harder.

We have quite a few of them at work,



in some cases for real,

in other cases,


It’s hard,

day in day out dealing with these,



it also hones,

your people skills,

even though, in all modesty, mine are very good.

So, this week,

I have put up,

as we all must,

at least a bit,

with drudgery,

it is part of life,

the key is to make it as small a part of life,



Also this week,

I’ve been thinking,

about my dreams,

short, mid, long term,

have they changed?

In the next year,

or so,

I would like to travel,

I would like to visit friends,

in Yellowknife,

the Canadian North.

I would like to spend more time,

taking photos,

so my dream of a book,

can get closer,

I want to keep feeling,

as well,

as I have been in the past few months,

exercise, eat well, stay away from the cigarettes,

keep building a better butch


Last night,

at work,

one of my colleagues,

asked why I had increased,

the number of hours I work,


I said,

quite frankly,

I need the money.

She made a really odd joke,

she is a very odd duck,

about how she thought,

I might be,

following her example,


I said,

you know,

at my age,

I am not too concerned about,

other people as role models.

As soon,

as I said it,

I wondered if it was true.

I think it is more,

that I care less,

much less,

about what people think,

about how I choose to live my life.

I still have role models,

people whose work I adore,

people who conduct themselves,

in a fashion,

which I respect,


aspire to.

One that comes to mind is:


Allison Bechdel,

the writer,

the cartoonist,

butch extraordinaire,

I love her,

more and more.

I watch excerpts of,

Fun Home (the musical based on her graphic novel)

on You Tube,



I think to myself,


she just nailed it didn’t she?

she and the book writer and lyricist,

have put out there,

to the world,

a funny and poignant,


dripping with truth and pain and joy,

depiction of,

being young and lesbian,

of awakening,

of recognizing,

of fear and wonder.

Songs like Ring Of Keys and I’m Changing my Major,

make me tear up,

I recognize my life,



all of them,

writer, composer, cast and crew,

have depicted for the world,

how a budding and growing butch’s life,

can have as much universality as ,

a little girl in the south watching her daddy,

defend a black man,

a teenager filled with angst on a lark of a road trip,

all of our stories,

have our own truth,

but, also the collective,

our truth.

That is what the greatest of art does,

for me,

illuminates the experience of living,

shows the universal,

through the specific,

the macro through the micro.

These are the ramblings of,

my mind,

this week.

Thanks for reading.

Be well, all of you.

Later girls,


p.s I will be reading this week, Are You Mother? a comic drama by Ms. Bechdel


Posted in My Ramblings | 5 Comments

bookshops and peaches and a longed for anarchist

Hello you all, hope you are well, we have just been through, a horrible heat wave, here, in the beautiful ugly, scorcher, but, it only lasted a few days. With August, just around the corner, we might have another one … Continue reading

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Keeping busy just might be the key

Hello you all, I have been in a cranky mood, lately, feeling unappreciated and unloved, totally ridiculous, but, hey, you know, hormones be hormones. I thought I had avoided them, the menopausal and post menopausal hormones, but, I have not, … Continue reading

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So far, a good Summer

Good day to you all.

It is a hot morning,

here in my beautiful ugly,

July in the city,

I have a love/hate relationship with,


The light is long and true,

there is heavy humidity and also,


both positive and negative,

things I love and some,

not so much.

This Summer,

so far,

the scorching heat,

has been minimal


maybe it’s because I like,


less and less,

or maybe it’s because,

removing my alien has,

made me so much more,


less winded and breathless,

bloated and fat,

but, I don’t mind the heat,

I don’t bask in it,

I am not a lizard,


I am managing.


This week,

I have been looking into,

future sources of income,

of employment,


I am looking into an idea,

that I had sort of come up,


a few years ago,

an idea that got pushed to,

the back of the pantry,

hanging out with old cans of soup, opened and mangled boxes of bicarbonate, and, other not quite detritus, still good, but, not quite sure what to use them…for.

This week,

I resurrected,

my teaching English

as a second language,


sent away for a packet of information,

will look into cost of accreditation,

and see if it’s for me.

I also have an idea that would entail,

another small business.

After years of working for myself,


subsequently re-entering the work force,

I have come to the conclusion,

that working for myself is,

what I want.

I intend to keep,

my part time job,

keep working on my creative endeavours,


develop an income generator,

everyone needs one of those.

I’m feeling good,

positive, optimistic,


walking my road.

Later girls,




Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments

I’m back

Hello you all,

been a while,

I know.

I have been neglecting,

my blog,

my creative stuff.

I can probably find,

a ton of excuses,

as to why,

I did that,

none of which are important.

I’m back,

to blogging to checking,


to writing and sharing,

what is on my mind.

In spite of not writing,


blog wise,

I have been taking,

lots of pics,


lots of notes,

I have been,

working, living,


being with my friends, my mom, my girl…

thinking and being.

Here are some photographs from,

the last few months,




these were taken,

at a little mom and pop,

uniform store,

I went with a picture taking buddy,


ended up,

buying a sweet little jacket,

pictures of which will follow,


Will write soon,

just wanted to let you all,


I’m not only still here,


I’m back!!

Later girls,


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A week of good days

Hello all,

hope the late Spring is,

bringing you,

joy and sunshine.

In the past month,

I turned fifty,

my mom turned seventy-five,

that’s a a lot of years between us


Life is good,

I am recovered,

pretty much,

100 percent,


I am taking the time to,

smell the lilacs and drink some tea.

I have found in the last,

little while,

that coffee makes me more,


than it used to,

so now I have coffee in the morning,


after noon,

I drink tea,

I love it,

I am a convert.

There are,

I think,

a couple of reasons for tea,

first off,

I have no cigarette associations,

(you all know I quit smoking a few months ago, right?)

with tea,


when I was in the hospital,


the first few days,

I had a tray with liquids,

the only thing I genuinely,


that brought me comfort,

was tea,

even in it’s tepid state.

I could be mistaken,

but, tea makes me more,



that is definitely a good thing.

Maybe the Brits can,


because they consume copious amounts of tea.


I am gearing up,

for a smooth, quiet  Summer,

when I am most mellow,

I come up with my best

ideas, plans,

creative and next path wise.

So I will,

drink tea,

read books, listen to,

Bach and Glass,

soak up the sun,

spend time with friends,


my girl, my mom,

my cat,


work and play,


hopefully at the end of most days,

I will say,

today was a good day.

Big butchy hug to all of you.

Later girls,



Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments

Lilacs and cream tea

I’ve been fifty a little over a week now,

so far it has been,

pretty wonderful.

I have been spoiled and cherished.

Lunches, brunches, dinners and teas.

Life is good,

the future looks bright.

Now, if I could only get my neighbours to stop screaming…

My friend Renaud and I,

who I affectionately refer to as kid, anyone under twenty-five is a kid,

are working on songs, writing songs,

it is very pleasant and creatively enriching.

He took this pic of me,


while we were having tea,

Earl Grey Cream, in case you are interested :-).

he liked it right away,

said I looked dignified,

not sure about dignified,


I do like that it captures me,

relaxed, happy,

warts and all,

that thing on my lip isn’t a wart but, sun blister and all doesn’t sound the same.

I thought I would share it,

with you all,



tell you,

those of you looking at,


coming up on you,

fast or slow,

it’s fine,


Lilacs and cream tea.

Be well.

Later girls,


Posted in My Ramblings | 4 Comments