Consider the source

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT category.

I have been battling,

sinus attacks,

for almost two weeks now.

It’s difficult,

headaches,

wonky concentration,

but,

the cold is gone,

and,

the sinuses are improving.

I have spent lots of time,

on photo culling,

keeping what works for me,

and,

my project and,

trashing,

lots,

fascinating process.

While doing this,

I have noticed a few things,

about my photo taking,

proclivities,

lots of neighbourhood pics,

lots of pics of mom and Dude,

my ‘captive’ subjects,

and tons of pics,

of,

well…

me.

:-)

Does this mean,

I am a vain egomaniac?

or,

Is it simply the reflection of my project,

an illustration of my world,

with me,

obviously,

at it’s centre?

I suspect,

a little of both.

I will go on taking pictures of myself,

it is an important tool in tracking,

the evolutionary process.

Most of the pictures,

have been taken in the past year,

since I got the smartphone and the cameras,

I have quite a few photos,

in my bookstore,

out and about town,

taken by friends,

amateur or professional photographers,

I like some of them,

very much.

What I’ve noticed most,

is that even though,

I have aged,

in the past,

five years or so,

and,

slimmed,

end of the line,

I look the same to me.

What has changed,

is my level of comfort,

in front of the camera.

I used to freak and run away from the camera,

fearing the reflection of the ‘big’ woman.

But now,

I am as comfortable in front,

of the camera,

as behind it,

as if,

my showing,

myself,

helps me to see,

my world and others,

better,

clearer.

I have no way of knowing,

if this could have been the case,

all along,

since photography,

is a relatively new,

passion,

hobby,

endeavour.

I do know,

that since I am slimmer,

by no means slim, just to be clear

people perceive me differently.

I have also noticed,

that as I get older,

I seem to fade from peoples,

notice,

easier,

that can be a very good thing,

when taking pictures.

But, mostly,

I have noticed,

that I care what I feel,

and think,

about the world,

also that what a select group,

of people,

who I love, like, respect,

think about me,

my pics,

my writing,

but,

that I trust myself,

most,

in gaging,

if something is good to,

my eye,

my ‘ear’,

and,

that I welcome,

feedback,

criticism,

appreciative or otherwise,

and instruction on the basics,

of photography,

which I have no where near a grasp of, yet,

but,

I trust myself most,

because,

I don’t lie to myself,

I know who I am,

I am much less self-deprecating,

than I used to be,

but,

I am,

by no means,

a ra ra about my stuff.

I enjoy the building.

I am in a good place,

of confidence,

and,

joy.

For years,

I used to tell people,

Consider the source,

I don’t know where I stole that from,

and,

intellectually,

I believed -that.

Consider who the criticism is coming from,

what their agenda or motives are,

consider after reasoning things through,

and informing yourself,

if the the source need be considered as,

credible.

I think that,

now,

as I am about to embark,

on what will be,

my fiftieth year,

I get it.

Build your knowledge,

build your life,

surround yourself,

with people who help you,

in that process,

and, who you help with theirs as well.

but,

mostly consider the source,

use both critical thinking,

and gut feeling

because your gut is built on your experiences, too,

and,

keep learning,

experiencing,

growing,

life is too short to worry about,

fools, bitter people and or morons.

If you have done the work and keep doing it,

you will like and trust yourself,

which leads you to seeing things clearer.

These are just some meandering thoughts,

I am having right now.

Thanks for reading.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments

Henry James is good for your attention span

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT Category

The Fall has been here,

for a few weeks,

now,

my favourite season,

and,

I have spent a good part of it,

locked up,

in the apartment,

sick as a dog.

All kinds of competing symptoms,

cough, sneezing,

congestion,

headache,

all of it,

making me into a mental case.

Can’t work, can’t concentrate,

worried about money,

all those fun things.

In between the coughing,

and,

my head throbbing,

I have managed to finish,

the Henry James novel,

The American,

10613994_890171860996389_232228403_n

only took me three months,

I’ve been perfecting the slow reading thing:-)

I seem to be afflicted,

with the attention span of a gnat,

of late,

I can manage the small face book post,

or look at the picture blogs,

but,

any kind of content or development,

has trouble keeping my attention,

I need to step away,

a little from the black hole that is,

the online world.

It’s hard to step away from,

a lot of my contact is there,

between,

email, texting and chat on face book,

when was the last time,

you had a real live conversation,

that didn’t involve,

work,

housekeeping,

or ordering cigarettes at the corner store.

But, I digress.

Henry James.

For most of my adult life,

I have shied away,

from Henry James and Thomas Hardy and Herman Melville,

etc,

convinced that,

although they were most assuredly,

‘great’ writers,

they weren’t for me,

too slow,

too descriptive

not enough of a story,

or too many stories.

Prejudices left over from,

my twenties.

Last year,

I discovered that,

Thomas Hardy’s Jude The Obscure,

was a complex fascinating read,

about how hard it was,

to be different,

and,

how society,

through the church and conventional morality,

ruins the lives of smart promising people,

A hard and indignant novel.

It bummed me out,

but,

it also stimulated me,

and brought up,

all kinds of avenues of conversation,

and,

inquiry,

a great novel,

not for the sentimental,

or faint of heart,

and,

not for the easily dissuaded,

either.

The James novel,

isn’t like that,

nowhere near as dark,

a lighter tone,

and,

a lighter subject,

or is it?

This book,

is about the clash between,

the old world and the new world,

it is about duty vs happiness,

it is about family,

and,

it’s not always pretty aspect,

it is about knowing,

who you are.

I loved this novel,

it took forever to read,

and,

I believe,

that is how it was meant,

to be read,

slowly,

letting the plot develop,

on the page,

in your mind,

at a strolling in the park,

pace.

I heard and read of James,

that he understood,

the psychology of women,

very well,

and even though,

these are 19 Th century women,

I agree,

James does understand the psychology of women,

the societal pressures,

the limitations,

the what is expected,

what is,

feminine,

and,

so much more.

I don’t like to give away,

plot lines,

as you all know,

and,

I don’t truly write reviews,

more impressions and pastiches.

This novel,

has many plot twists,

and,

you wonder at times,

where they are leading,

what is the point?

by the end you realize,

that,

although,

not particularly,

romantic,

nor satisfying,

the end,

ties together this slice of life novel,

perfectly.

Very life like novel,

in the,

‘things don’t always work out as we would hope’,

sense.

James is a master weaver,

a slow cooked plot,

that leaves you,

thinking.

As this is one of his lesser novels,

I can only say,

I look forward to reading the greater ones

:-)

I have the Wings Of The Dove,

in an old Modern Library edition,

my preferred format,

not too big,

not too small.

I imagine,

it will take me well into 2015,

and,

that’s ok.

Any of you,

have any thoughts or experience,

with James?

I’d love to hear what you think.

Be well.

Later girls,

BB

 

Posted in Book Love, My Ramblings | Tagged , | 5 Comments

The shutter passion

canadian blog awards

 

Winner GLBT Category.

Some days,

I wonder,

where photography,

has been my whole life,

truly.

I have been feeling,

under the weather,

grouchy, bloated,

I think it is safe to say,

menopause is here.

I don’t get the raging angries,

anymore,

well, not much,

but,

I do feel bloated and achy,

and,

that pisses me off,

and,

brings me down,

makes me feel,

irrationally,

old and unattractive,

woe is me, crap.

I look at the state of the world,

how my wonderful country,

has been hijacked,

by,

Stepford politicians,

mutant and soulless,

and I freak,

a little.

One thing,

snaps me out of it,

every time,

looking at the world,

myself,

even,

through the lens of my camera,

I find the beauty,

the texture,

the complexity.

Frozen order,

or chaos,

I see what I see,

my little bit of sky,

the world I walk,

I live in.

I find a joy and a peace,

I have rarely,

experienced.

Who knew,

that buying,

that smart phone,

a little over a year ago,

would give me,

this new sense,

of …

Freedom,

not purpose,

or ambition,

or obligation,

freedom.

The grouchiness,

and,

heaviness,

evaporate,

I love it,

I feel euphoria,

the sound of the shutter,

like cooing,

or music,

and,

then when I get home,

I can’t wait to load them,

look at them,

and,

even when it isn’t the,

shot,

I had hoped for,

I don’t get upset,

disappointed sometimes,

but,

not pissed.

That is probably,

because,

I am high,

on learning,

discovering,

it isn’t about earning a living,

pure love and passion,

butterflies and hot sex,

not dishes and taking out the garbage.

Must be how Grandma Moses,

felt when she took up,

painting.

Now,

To be clear,

I’m not saying I’m Grandma Moses,

I’m not old enough

:-P

and,

I aspire to ‘illustrate’,

my life,

my world,

not the pages of,

National Geographic,

but,

man oh man do I love,

taking pictures.

Life is good.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | 5 Comments

city butch loves her country road

canadian blog awards

Hello girls,

I hope you are all well,

I have been busy,

well,

not really more,

busy,

than usual but,

things,

on my mind,

practising,

the art of slow reading,

which means I am reading less.

:-)

Learning how to shoot pics,

in raw,

which means my photographs,

have kind of sucked,

recently,

but,

hey,

you got learn,

right?

I’m sticking to,

my schedule,

mostly.

I’m glad Fall is here,

the warm and sunny,

the cool and rainy,

the colours,

the time of year I love.

This week,

I have been in a melancholic state,

the Fall,

makes me long,

for people and places of my past,

weird,

school connotations,

I guess,

and,

it makes me want to listen,

to country music,

folk music.

Odd that,

me an oh so city,

urban butch,

and,

yet,

play me,

Take Me Home Country Road,

or,

Did She Mention My Name,

and,

I am nostalgic for something,

that I have never,

truly known,

the woods and tranquility,

the rural and small townishness,

of the country.

I went to Summer camp,

we had a cottage,

for a while as a family,

some good memories,

but,

brief and fleeting,

coupled with some,

not so great ones,

also sparse,

and,

yet,

a part of me,

a couple of heartstrings,

responds,

very strongly,

to acoustic guitars,

mandolins,

fiddles,

three part harmony,

and,

I sing along,

thank God I’m a country boy,

with John Denver,

yep,

no sense,

weird.

I hear country music,

and,

all of a sudden,

I feel like felling trees,

and,

harvesting,

pumpkins.

I remember Francoys,

never got my love,

of folk and country,

to him it was simplistic,

mind you, he was no music connaiseur,

but,

I could never really explain it,

the stuff just speaks to me,

and,

strangely enough,

clears my mind for other things.

Just some thoughts.

Well,

off to survey monkey.

Be well, all of you.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments

This Butch’s Godfather??

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT category.

I have had a cold,

for a few days,

funny,

here I am,

desperately looking,

forward to Fall,

and,

because of the drastic changes,

in temperature,

I get a major sinus and head cold,

yep,

weird.

I haven’t felt much up,

to writing,

staring at the screen makes,

my head hurt,

but,

I have been thinking,

and,

been keeping journal notes.

Yesterday,

I felt well enough,

to go downtown,

and,

run some errands,

pick up,

a birthday present for my nephew,

bag an awesome t-shirt,

at Targets for $3.96,

on the liquidation rack,

score!!

Today I had lunch,

with my bud, Pierre,

the computer tech extraordinaire,

and,

his wonderful Westie,

Odile.

Later, I hooked up,

with my pal, Peter,

the movie connaisseur.

We were discussing,

his plan for a Meryl Streep festival,

and then,

the conversation veered to,

romantic comedies,

do you believe,

he has never seen,

You’ve Got Mail??

blew my mind.

Such a smart film,

well acted,

New York,

Meg Ryan,

looking more beautiful,

than should be legal,

anyway,

it got me thinking.

In that film,

the Tom Hanks character,

explains that everything,

you need to know,

about life,

as a man,

you can learn,

from,

the Godfather,

it’s not personal it’s business, leave the gun, take the canollis, etc.

as I thought about that,

sort of,

my mind riffing,

about the film,

films,

Julia Roberts,

all over the place,

a small idea,

began to grow,

I have learned so much,

from films,

almost as much as books,

but,

above all others,

one film has taught me,

lessons,

about love.

Some I caught immediately,

some took my years to grasp,

but,

whenever,

I think about,

back on,

lessons learned,

about love,

I hear some dialogue,

from this film.

This film is,

Desert Hearts

desert_hearts

Desert Hearts,

was released in 1985,

I was twenty in 1985,

I knew,

who I was,

I loved women,

but,

this film,

made me feel,

that it wasn’t particularly,

weird,

and,

that smart sexy University professors,

were out there,

just waiting for an awesome,

young butch like me

(wink)

I watched this movie,

many times,

when it became available,

on VHS,

and later DVD,

I loved it,

I knew parts by heart,

and,

not only the sex scenes,

which were,

fantastic,

and,

sexy,

not some male lesbian fantasy thing.

I had never seen anything,

like it,

it was sex positive,

romantic,

not mushy,

and,

the ending offered,

hope,

in a slightly ambiguous way.

These were the 80’s,

there weren’t many,

lesbian movies,

well,

any,

really,

where the characters,

didn’t go straight,

or die.

Long before the L-Word,

and,

the semi presentable,

acceptable,

lesbian character.

This film was pioneer stuff,

it lead the way,

it was a critical success.

It has always had a special place,

in my heart.

I look back on it,

today,

and,

a few lines,

always come back,

at this stage in my life,

when I was younger it was others.

At one point one of the main characters,

Kay the pottery artist/casino worker,

asks Frances,

her step mother,

played by Audra Lindley of Mrs Roper fame, it is the performance of her career, every note perfect,

why after all these years,

of widowhood,

she still pines for Glen,

her deceased husband,

why no other,

why him?

and Frances answers,

‘he reached in and put a string of lights around my heart’

this struck me as a great line,

at the time,

even better than Kay’s,

‘I finally found someone that counts’

but,

with life experience,

and,

some love behind me,

and ahead of me,

it now resonates,

more than ever before,

that’s what love feels like,

light around your heart,

illumination,

crystal clear,

clarity,

a sense of direction,

sunshine.

The image so perfect,

a loving hand,

reaching into your chest,

and,

encircling your heart,

with little white lights,

maybe yours are brightly coloured, mine are soft white.

Gorgeous words,

gorgeous sentiment.

happy sigh

:-)

The other line,

which has come back to me,

a few times,

is of a slightly different nature,

and much more of the,

lessons will be repeated until they are learned,

variety.

At one point,

Vivian asks Kay what happened between,

she and Darryl, her supervisor at the casino,

he is obviously carrying a torch for Kay.

Kay explains,

” I allowed myself to get attracted to his attraction for me”

Wow,

that one is a major life lesson.

It is easy,

to get attracted to others,

attractions,

we are lonely,

we need validation,

we are blinded by what is being reflected back to us,

not seeing ourselves.

This isn’t strictly a love thing,

either,

flattery and attention of any kind,

can lead us to be momentarily,

distracted,

lose our focus.

This isn’t light,

it is golden calf stuff,

these aren’t lights,

to buoy you,

light the way,

these are lights,

that blind you,

leave you thinking,

you are someone,

else,

someone,

other,

these lights make you perfect,

not loved for who you are,

these lights are fairy tales.

So,

I guess Desert Hearts,

taught me,

about the warm bright light of love,

and,

the false vain idol worshipping ones,

two of the most valuable lessons,

I have learned.

So,

maybe,

just maybe,

Desert Hearts is the butch version,

of,

The Godfather??

Silly butch.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | Tagged | Leave a comment

Literacy can lead to bookishness

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT category

When I worked in a second hand bookshop-so easily pictured, if you don’t work in one, as a kind of paradise where charming gentleman browse eternally among calf bound folios-the thing that chiefly struck me was the rarity of really bookish people-Bookshop Memories-George Orwell-taken from Books and Cigarettes-Great Ideas collection(57) from Penguin Books.

Orwell’s essay was published in 1936.

I ran a used bookshop from 2005 to 2013,

526313_2477250188086_781155987_n.jpg

 

 

cropped-before-the-shave.jpg

 

and,

most of what he wrote in that essay,

was still pertinent,

and,

true.

I miss my bookshop,

not everyday,

as used to be the case,

While I went through,

the weaning and grieving process,

the searching for what,

‘to do next’

period.

cropped-IMG_5621.jpg

20140201_165344

20131211_221912

I miss the bookish people,

the chance to talk books,

to discuss issues,

to add more bookish people,

to the realm of my acquaintanceship,

I even miss some of the freaks,

:-)

I miss the smell,

the quiet,

the beauty of the shelves,

cropped-odile1.jpg

and,

piles and boxes of books,

I miss the constancy,

and,

the surprise as well.

I do miss it,

and,

as with all past,

things,

eras,

that were important,

life altering,

I have begun to look,

upon it,

with nostalgia.

In my mind,

I am sure,

it is less dusty,

than it truly was,

it is -more,

than it truly,

was,

and honestly,

I’m fine with that,

I am no historian,

and,

I don’t believe I have,

idealized it,

to the point of revisionism

:-)

What I miss most,

is sharing,

the love and passion,

of a lifetime,

with young and old,

the love of reading.

10613994_890171860996389_232228403_n

Today is international literacy day.

Even if there are few,

truly,

bookish people,

in this world,

as our man George,

states,

the importance of literacy,

cannot be understated,

literacy is fundamental.

Merriam Webster defines literacy,

in this way:

lit·er·a·cy noun \ˈli-t(ə-)rə-sē\
: the ability to read and write

: knowledge that relates to a specified subject

to me,

literacy,

means so much more.

On a basic level,

it is the ability to read and write,

yes,

but,

most importantly,

it is the ability to,

understand what we read and write,

it is the building blocks,

of knowledge acquisition,

of communication,

the structure of thought,

once you are literate,

bookish,

even,

you take for granted,

all that this provides for you,

protects you from,

allows.

Being illiterate,

makes your life,

less,

and can put you in,

great danger,

not being able to read,

street signs,

pill bottles,

food labels,

it can make you a victim,

not being able to read,

legal documents,

public notices.

But,

mostly it keeps you,

in a state of ignorance,

not stupidity, that isn’t related to literacy or illiteracy.

Being bookish,

isn’t desirable or important,

for everyone,

being literate is,

it allows you to find,

to understand,

the world,

you-

be it in the pages,

of books,

magazines,

training manuals,

love letters.

Through paper,

or electronic means,

it opens up the future,

illuminates the past.

Being literate doesn’t make you free,

it allows for the possibility,

of,

freedom.

Being illiterate,

keeps you down,

makes you dependent,

on the possible kindness of strangers,

but,

more so,

on the abuse,

of the abusive.

The second greatest gift,

I was given,

in life,

was,

a love of reading,

the first was unconditional love, which is not something everyone, receives, either

which has lead to the search,

for knowledge,

for truth,

my truth,

and I wonder how anyone can find these things,

without literacy.

Let us all be kind to strangers,

when we can,

let us encourage each other to read,

for our health,

our joy,

our knowledge,

and,

at,

it’s most basic,

and,

most dramatic,

our collective survival.

Read a book,

to your child,

nephew,

niece,

volunteer in a literacy program,

a library initiative,

spread the word.

The only kind of proselytism,

I believe in-

learn to read,

read,

teach others to read,

and,

the world will be a better place,

because it all starts,

there.

These are my thoughts on this September 8 TH,

what are yours?

Be well,

all of you.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | Leave a comment

The Fall cometh, soon

canadian blog awards

Winner of GLBT category

The Fall is coming,

The Fall is coming

Nope, I am not chicken little,

:-P

but,

I do so look forward,

to the Fall,

every year,

perhaps this one,

in particular.

Fall, for me,

is,

my mind’s,

and,

body’s,

trigger to,

get back to work.

Left over from school days,

I guess,

the cooler, crisper,

temperature,

allows thoughts,

to percolate,

more,

freely,

walks in the cool windy air,

with my thoughts,

my camera,

I love the Fall.

It’s still sweatily hot,

we are in fact,

having,

here,

in the beautiful ugly,

some of our hottest days,

right now,

but,

the night comes,

sooner,

and,

brings with it,

cooler air,

and,

easier sleep,

in principle,

at least.

I am a cool weather butch,

combination,

of climate and ancestry,

I suspect.

I am at my best when,

I can slip on a sweater,

jacket,

boots,

and go out,

wandering.

Thinking,

in active mode,

walking and walking.

I have,

appreciated the,

Summer,

this year,

very much,

spent lots of time,

outdoors,

not active,

so much,

as soaking in,

the sun,

the air,

figuring things,

out.

Letting,

my mind,

my heart,

write the first draft.

Healing,

letting the anger,

evaporate.

I would not want any,

of you to think,

that the anger I felt,

at the loss of my,

dear, dear anarchist,

was in any way,

directed at him.

at his memory,

because,

that is not,

the case.

The anger I felt,

was at the fickleness,

of life,

at the fact,

that someone,

so giving and with real,

generosity of spirit,

and,

life affirming presence,

should be gone,

struck down,

while,

others of much more,

shall I say,

dubious contribution,

go on,

taking up,

space,

breathing air,

yep,

I was angry,

and,

sad,

from a very selfish,

perspective.

Who would be there,

for me,

like Francoys,

had been?

The answer to that question,

I have known,

all along-

no one.

Francoys,

was my sounding board,

on everything,

I trusted,

his honesty,

and kindness,

he didn’t bullshit you,

but,

he wasn’t negative and harsh,

or envious or cynical.

He didn’t live a life,

of fantasy and what could be,

but,

he had dreams and hope.

Never Polyanna,

never black cloud.

As I embark,

on my,

fiftieth Fall,

I feel that,

in spite of the gaping hole,

I am strong,

I am blessed,

with love,

and friendship,

and maybe,

the hole,

allows me to get to,

the vein of creative truth,

easier,

maybe.

Let the mining and excavation begin,

enough,

planning and wallowing,

now,

we build.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in My Ramblings | Leave a comment

A butch and her boots

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT category

Well I did it,

I bought my new boots.

:-)

Couldn’t be happier.

Awesome service,

from the young man,

at what I feared,

would be,

a hipster central,

in the Plateau Mont-Royal,

neighbourhood,

in Montreal.

I went there, despite my anticipated qualms, because they had the best selection in town and since it is a very cool and young neighbourhood, they sell lots, Blunnies are in with the hip crowd.

I am neither,

young,

nor hip,

but,

the young man,

knew I was a,

Blundstone,

aficionado,

I was wearing my chisel toes,

after all.

He asked me some questions,

on the finish and patina,

and,

he was bright enough to know,

it was an easy sale,

but,

he was genuinely interested,

and,

took off 20 percent,

without me asking,

for anything,

needless to say,

I will go back.

After looking them over,

for a few minutes,

I went with the crazy horse brown,

with the regular black sole,

didn’t like the look,

of the pale sole,

 

in person,

very happy with the choice,

I made.

new boots

Some might find it silly,

to attach such,

importance,

to a pair of boots,

to me,

they just,

may be,

the most important,

element,

of my butch style.

They ground me,

I feel safe and strong,

when I wear,

them.

I am comfortable,

I don’t worry about,

cracks in the sidewalk,

or stepping off curbs,

they are my armour,

they protect one of,

the most vulnerable,

parts of me.

I like the look,

I like the comfort,

I like that I don’t need to tie,

them.

Pull on,

easy to remove.

When I found,

Blundstones,

six years ago,

I found a perfect fit.

I know some people,

say,

they aren’t as good,

as they used to be,

to which I say,

So what???

How many boots do you have,

that can withstand ,

being worn,

everyday for,

eighteen months,

and,

then three times a week,

for another,

four years,

all for under,

$200?

I would wager,

not many.

But,

the fact is these are mine,

I found them,

and,

I am keeping them.

The journey in my boots,

continues.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

Posted in Elements of Butch Style | Leave a comment

Assembling the Fall butch wardrobe

canadian blog awards

Winner of GLBT Category

Hello you all.

Hope you are all feeling ship shape.

I am in a pretty good mood,

it’s a little hotter,

than I enjoy but,

the Fall is a coming,

Happy dance

:-)

The tax man,

in his infinite wisdom,

has sent me a return,

so after,

paying off a few debts,

I will be assembling,

the missing elements,

of my Fall and Winter,

butch wardrobe.

My shirts are all too big,

and,

I have no decent flannel,

to speak off,

this qualifies,

as a mini crisis.

I have looked and looked,

you find,

cheap made in China,

in awful colours,

or,

hipster tight,

in bad design at big prices,

crap or ugly,

I enjoy neither,

you know who,

still makes the best flannel shirt,

at a fair price?

L.L Bean.

I have one left in my closet,

much too big,

worn 3 Winters,

still looks new,

but,

it balloons,

so,

some lucky person,

is going to inherit this shirt,

and,

I am going to order,

2 new ones.

I like the Freeport flannel style best,

but,

there is only one colour I like,

Mariner blue,

freeport shirt

blue, red and white,

two pockets,

regular collar,

I wish they also made this,

in Black Watch,

but,

they don’t,

so I will also order,

a Scotch Plaid in Black Watch,

black watch shirt

one pocket,

button down collar,

which I don’t like as much,

with flannel,

but,

still,

should be good,

for at least 5 years in the flannel,

department.

Toasty warm,

but,

breathable,

perfect for our cold damp,

climate.

I also need boots,

my first pair of Blundstones,

is going on six years,

still good,

the originals,

but,

I intend to wear them as my,

beater Winter pair.

I love the look of,

the chisel toe,

Crazy Horse Browns,

that are the second pair I bought,

but,

the soles,

just aren’t as thick,

or resistant,

not good,

in slippery wet conditions,

and,

Fall,

in the beautiful ugly,

is all about slippery and wet.

So I have looked and looked,

if budget was no option,

perhaps,

I would buy a pair of Red Wings,

but,

$400-$500 dollars,

I cannot afford for boots,

or anything else for that matter:-)

so,

Blundstones,

it is,

dollar for dollar,

at a little over $200 cdn,including our whopping Quebec sales tax,

are a good buy.

I like the way,

they look,

I like how comfy they are,

they are an essential element,

of my butch style,

I really wanted suede,

but,

it isn’t practical,

so I am going with,

the nubuck,

blundstones nubuck

in crazy horse brown,

with the new two tone,

soles.

Add a new black hoodie,

and,

my Fall Winter wardrobe,

has no more holes.

I intend to spend lots,

of time outdoors,

in the Fall,

and,

even Winter,

lots of photographs to be taken,

and,

fresh air to counter,

all the time,

spent in front of the computer screen,

so,

I need my versatile,

butch wardrobe.

Since,

I work,

part time,

in a casual environment,

I don’t need anything too dressy,

and,

what I do need,

I have.

There comes a time,

in your life,

where,

you know,

what you like,

what fits your style,

your personality,

and,

also,

your lifestyle,

jeans,

boots,

flannel,

ball caps,

for everyday,

oxford button down and khakis for fancy,

for me,

there is nothing else

it is my version,

of butch,

with my twists,

practically a uniform,

and,

yet,

so far removed from one.

Odd to be thinking of flannel,

and,

boots,

30 degrees celsius.

Be well.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

Posted in Elements of Butch Style | 4 Comments

on the wasting of time and happiness

canadian blog awards

Winner GLBT category

It’s a cloudy day,

today,

first we have had,

in a week,

of glorious,

constant sunshine.

I had a very social,

weekend,

and,

beginning of the week,

enjoyable and also,

tiring.

Lots of time spent outside,

no shortage of, vitamin D, this week.

Getting my mind into gear,

for the labour of love,

that sits before me.

Come September,

BB goes into full gear,

assembling,

the puzzle pieces that are,

my blog,

photos,

notes-

my book.

I’ve been reflecting,

that’s my thing,

reflection,

not that I’m Zen or anything but, I do reflect, think about, examine, try to learn from, past experiences, both recent and not so recent.

These last few months,

years,

have brought,

what I think,

is safe to qualify,

as,

phenomenal growth,

a much greater understanding,

of,

what is,

and,

isn’t,

important to me.

Losing my friend the anarchist,

has brought home,

just how important it is,

to cherish,

those we love,

and,

it has got me thinking about,

not wasting time.

Now,

my definition,

of wasting time,

is not necessarily yours,

and,

that is just fine.

I don’t consider,

chatting with my friends,

sitting around reading,

thinking,

wasting time.

I am not,

in the classic sense of the term,

goal oriented.

In fact,

I am a little bit,

maybe even more than a little,

lazy.

I allow myself,

time,

it is my time,

and,

I can do with it as I please.

I find that,

I am much more,

patient,

about peoples weaknesses,

and,

much less so about,

the lies and illusions they entertain,

about themselves,

and,

I apply the same amount,

of patience and

lack thereof,

to myself.

I spent many years,

listening,

to people’s problems,

people,

who seemed to have,

no one else to listen to,

some people,

have genuine problems,

some people,

see everything in life,

as a problem,

the little black clouds,

and some,

people live in fantasy worlds,

or the past,

the Pollyannas,

it is not my place to judge,

or criticize,

as the saying goes,

‘everyone is waging their own battle’

but,

not judging,

and,

spending time,

with those people,

are very different things.

In the world of work,

and,

society in general,

black clouds and Pollyannas,

are,

inevitable,

we must deal with them,

I do,

usually in a pretty civil way,

but,

in our private lives,

especially our intimate,

secret garden lives,

there is no need.

This morning,

mom and I,

were discussing,

contentment vs happiness,

and,

I came to a conclusion,

I am not content,

with my life,

I am happy.

I am surrounded by,

people I love,

they might not be geographically close, but, they surround me, nonetheless.

I am loved,

I love back,

I am supported,

I support back,

we stimulate each other all of us,

family,

circle of friends,

the woman I love.

I am also very clear headed,

when it comes to,

the future.

I want certain things,

I believe they will happen,

because,

I will make them happen,

and,

I will be helped along,

because the fact is,

I always am.

How plans will pan out,

I don’t know,

and,

that is in fact,

ok,

the journey,

that is life,

is unpredictable,

it is both joyous and challenging,

for some,

difficult,

sometimes,

I roll with the punches,

sometimes,

I roll into a ball,

but,

keep going,

at my pace,

on my road.

I don’t see happiness,

as an endless series of,

giggly,

mirth filled experiences,

not that there is anything wrong with that, :-)

to me,

happiness,

is knowing who you are,

knowing,

just how damn lucky you are,

and,

walking the road everyday,

in all kinds of weather,

with pains and moods,

or,

smiles and spring in your step.

All four seasons,

with their charms,

and,

challenges.

Living your life,

not existing,

not,

enduring it.

Not wasting time.

Being happy.

Be well girls.

Later,

BB

 

Posted in My Ramblings | 2 Comments