Today is the first,
blissfully,
cool morning,
we have had in over a week.
Been a rough week,
all kinds of irritants,
that ate up,
time,
and,
chewed away,
at my rested reserves.
Had some onerous dealings,
with the phone company,
I worked for them for years, but, I tell you they sure have gone down in customer service and competence, took me three days of being passed around and bad service before I finally dealt with a competent and pleasant woman, no wonder she handles complaints, no wonder there are complaints, nobody seems to care, customers are expendable, frustrating and scary the amount of unaccountability you have to deal with, it’s as if the buck never stops, anywhere.
Anyway that’s settled,
phew.
There was also a problem,
with a city tax,
where once again,
I was given erroneous information,
it’s as if,
people,
just say,
whatever comes to mind,
without checking.
Again,
frustrating,
but,
settled,
well,
sort of.
It was a week,
of feeling as if,
the big bad,
corporations,
and/or bureaucracies,
were out to get,
the little butch
🙂
Add to that,
record heat,
and,
humidity,
hormonal symptoms,
without physical manifestations,
and,
yep,
you’ve got a bad week,
really bad week.
But, that’s over,
it’s cool,
and,
a new week
🙂 🙂
Along with all the changes,
career wise,
I have been experiencing,
hormonal changes,
well,
I think they are.
It’s difficult to evaluate,
with the sudden rest,
and,
resulting stress,
that comes,
with work,
coming to,
a complete stop.
All this to say.
change is tough,
on the ole bod,
and,
so is approaching,
or should I say,
galloping!!
Menopause.
I’m lucky so far,
my symptoms,
are mostly of the moodiness kind
not sure my entourage would see it as lucky, but, hey
the moodiness,
makes me doubt,
myself,
my abilities,
my attractiveness,
it makes me feel,
hard done by,
and,
misunderstood,
it is not a side of myself,
I enjoy.
So, I’ve got to find,
reasons to get up,
in the morning,
that aren’t work,
related,
and,
I’ve got to get organised.
A friend is going to,
help me get a,
CV together,
and,
I’m going to find,
a part time,
job.
I’ve decided,
to work,
on,
turning,
Bookish Butch,
into a book project.
I’d like to spend the next,
year or so,
working to make it,
so.
After discussing it,
with Francoys,
my friend,
the anarchist,
who I think,
is an atypical reader,
of the blog,
first because,
he is a male,
secondly because,
he knows me,
well.
I value his point of view,
because of those factors,
and,
his honest and scholar approach.
He pointed out,
that what he liked best,
about bookish butch,
is the fact,
that I am a marginal point of view,
for ‘straight’ society,
and,
for the lesbian political voice,
as well,
a marginal within marginals.
What he meant is simply,
by being a butch lesbian,
I am different,
to most members of society,
and,
I am not a politically correct,
walking on eggshells,
voice of the LGBTQ forum.
I am judging neither pov,
in saying this,
I just think,
that as someone,
who lives in a world,
created for straight people,
and,
as someone who doesn’t,
want to spend my life,
waging endless battles,
and,
climbing barricades,
this I don’t believe is synonymous with complacency and not caring, but, in getting along and picking and choosing battles, speaking out when speaking needs to be spoke.
maybe,
just maybe,
my voice is the voice of many more.
I’d like to hear,
what you all think,
about this.
What if anything rings true,
about bookish butch,
for you,
why do you read it,
what does it mean to you.
Do you think it is a lone voice in the wilderness?
Does the idea of essays about,
as the subtitle indicates,
life and books from this butch’s perspective,
appeal to you?
I really need your feedback here,
girls,
and boys
😛
come out from the place,
where you read and not comment,
this is where I am myself most times, I read many more blogs than I leave comments on
and,
tell me what you think.
If you think it’s a dumb idea,
tell me that too,
OK?
Deal?
Be well,
thanks for reading this long winded post,
and,
thanks in advance,
for your feedback.
Later girls,
BB
Hey BB –
I think it’s a great idea. I find your voice to be unusual. Unlike Francoys, I do not find your perspective to be marginal – ours is quite similar – we overlap in many ways. But your manner of expression is in such contrast to any I would choose that I find your words slow me down, make me think, and frequently have me responding (if only in my head). Go for it.
thanks for the feedback and encouragement:-) from your comments over time I think our perspectives are similar and maybe us marginals are more prevalent than we think, yep, food for thought, hmm.
Hey BB-
You bet you should make this into a book! Why not? I think it is a fantastic idea. I agree with some of what you say and disagree with other things. No worries.
Take Care-
AJ
sorry to leave feedback days later….work has been a bear and I been spending too much free time texting with a lady friend. (wish me luck with her)
Hey, thanks for the support and the feedback. Wouldn’t the world be boring not to mention un-stimulating if we always agreed? No worries about taking you time with the comment, I expected it to trickle in, solicited feedback usually does:-) I wish you lots of luck with your lady friend, you go girl:-)
BB: If I may: Transition is a tough time, specially when it’s exacerbated by hormones that wreak havoc on every single body and mind system that you can think of.
So: Do it! Do it for you first — (you are the meaning and purpose in your life regardless of what hormones do to you) and then when it’s done decide what you want to do with whatever you craft, create, forge, whatever ‘product’ you shed blood seat and tears.
Surely you have stories and characters not only from the blog but from your side of the bookstore counter?
Write it. Do it! And if you need to be taking care of something or someone in order to anchor meaning + purpose in your life, then be a gentle BB sherpa to the process of your own well being and your evolving self if you can. Let your own curiosity guide you.
It’s hard to shed social norms that define success and productivity, but in terms of social norms, well, it seems from your writings, that you have a highly nuanced and balanced view of things, and is less about current ideologies. (I say that not knowing you, only reading what’s in your blog)
Meaning and purpose? Sharing the ups and downs of life with those you care about, those you love. Waking up to the day-to-day, moment to moment realities of being human, of being you. Being at home in your skin. Showing your inner critic (or hesitant self) the big wide room of possibilities. Sounds simple, although I’d never equate simple with easy.
Why wouldn’t you write it? If you do it first for yourself, and only for yourself, anything and everything else is gravy. (Or poutine).
So yes: do it.
*end of lecture, end of ramble. Stepping down from the soapbox*
Dear Frances, thank you for the feedback and you are right, I must do it for me, the rest is gravy, never eat poutine, not good for the heart:-P You weren’t lecturing you were giving feedback which is what I asked for, constructive feedback, thanks:-)