bookshops and peaches and a longed for anarchist

Hello you all,

hope you are well,

we have just been through,

a horrible heat wave,

here,

in the beautiful ugly,

scorcher,

but,

it only lasted a few days.

With August,

just around the corner,

we might have another one or two,

of these deep heat periods,

but,

soon,

Fall,

will be upon us.

I love Fall:-)

Since my operation,

and,

the resulting weight loss,

I feel the heat,

less,

I mean,

everyone feels ,

forty degrees celsius,

but,

I suffer,

less,

having given up smoking,

I also don’t feel winded.

I find myself,

enjoying the Summer,

the laziness of it,

it is almost,

like when I was a child,

and,

had my Summers,

to myself.

I work but,

not that many hours,

I can walk around,

bask in the sun,

think,

take pictures.

One thing I haven’t done much of,

is,

read.

This makes no sense,

I have time and opportunity to read,

outside on my balcony,

in the park,

traveling on public transit to work,

but,

the urge isn’t there,

I still read,

but,

so much less than I used to,

in the past week,

I have been wondering,

why?

I’ve had internet for years,

I can’t blame that,

so I wonder,

what?

When I had,

my bookstore,

I had to,

and,

wanted to,

read,

I read current things,

and,

things I had on the shelves,

I was always acquiring new books.

Since I closed it,

I read less, much less,

I still have,

a ton of unread books,

in the house,

my girlfriend and friends,

have sent me books,

lent me books,

I have bought books,

and,

yet…

This week,

two flashes of feeling,

may have put me on the trail of,

why does BB read less?

I felt a big ache in my heart,

so to speak,

when people shared info,

on their Face Book page,

about the used bookstore that will be opening,

on Wellington st,

here in my Verdun neighbourhood.

I should be happy about it,

having our own used bookstore again,

patronizing a place of books,

a member of the ‘tribe’,

and,

in a way,

I am,

I wish the young man opening it,

nothing but good fortune,

and,

sales.

I can’t help also,

feeling,

hurt at it.

I know,

it’s ridiculous,

I chose to close the store,

and,

it was the only decision I could make,

but,

the sense of loss,

of…

failure,

lingers.

That isn’t a good feeling.

So, when people say,

isn’t it great we are getting a bookstore? 🙂

part of me thinks,

“damn right’,

and,

part of me thinks,

“damnit, we had a bookstore”.

the other feeling that,

put me on a trail,

of why I am reading less:

Ontario peaches.

What??

You see,

my friend, the anarchist,

loved Ontario peaches,

as much as mom and I,

Ontario peaches remind me of him.

When I had the bookstore,

Francoys would stop in,

every night to say,

Hi and chat and smoke and talk of books,

and,

everything under the sun,

he would often have stopped at,

the fuit store, the grocery store,

the cheese shop…

and,

he would buy Ontario peaches,

as soon as they came out.

He would usually eat,

the entire basket in one evening,

two evenings if he wasn’t hungry

We usually had a peach,

right there,

in the bookstore or rather,

on the stoop.

The first basket is never the best,

but,

even ‘not the best’ Ontario peaches,

are still better than most things,

they signal the time of great harvest,

the time of delicious and rejuvenating,

food,

harvest,

right before Fall,

a magical time.

My heart hurt,

again a little,

when,

mom brought

home,

the basket of peaches,

I miss Francoys,

so much.

I read less,

since I closed my bookstore,

and,

since I lost Francoys.

I miss him,

I miss it,

maybe reading more,

will take some of the dull ache,

that persists,

away..

maybe.

I’ll have to sit with that,

a spell.

Be well,

all of you,

enjoy the Summer.

This weekend,

I am going to the Highland Games,

with my mom,

hopefully some nice pics will follow.

Later girls,

BB