The best cure for laryngitis is….

Hello all, 
long time since my last post.
Lots on my mind,
lots going on,
none of it tragic,
none of it great.

Some of it is personal,
family etc
and some of it is work,
related.

Work has been dowsizing,
I didn't lose my job,
but,
there has been a slide down,
the ladder.
No pay loss,
but,
a bit of a downgrade,
I am not the only one,
in this position,
but,
I do find it hard,
humiliating, even.

Thing is,
I can't walk out,
I can't afford to.

I took and kept this job,
because,
it allowed me,
lots of time to write.
The pay is terrible and the security,
is non existant.
But the hours are perfect for,
a night owl,
would be,
writer.
But,
no plan B,
as far as income is concerned.

To be clear,
I am not complaining,
I am trying to bring light,
to the precarity,
that so many people live in.
Even, decently well educated,
resourceful people.
So many people, my age,
or younger,
say, well go on UI,
get another job,
don't give up on your dreams,
write whatever,
but write.
Or, tell me I shouldn't put up,
with being humiliated etc.

Right now,
I can't look for another job,
because upcoming events don't allow,
for job search time
and,
I don't make enough money,
to have decent UI benefits,
plus,
the six week wait,
is too long,
I am a paycheck to paycheck worker.

Also, I have lost touch with my,
dreams...

I expect a lot of people think,
I am in this position,
because, I made bad choices,
I suspect that may be,
true.
Ultimately,
they are and were,
my choices.

I also find myself,
not writing,
I think I may have,
lost or at least,
misplaced,
my voice.

I can't tell ya,
how much I regret,
thinking I knew what people,
were going through,
now that people seem to think,
they know what I am going through.

I am scared,
I am worried,
and,
yet,
I remain optimistic,
about my future,
about the next great thing.

Punches in the face,
kicks in the back,
are harder at fifty
than at thirty,
they hurt more,
they leave traces,
but,
you do know how to get up,
you've been there,
the route is not,
unknown.

I expect some of this comes off as whinny,
that isn't my intent.

I am strong,
I will get through this,
but, right now,
I need to retreat,
I need to regroup,
I need to find the strenght,
to come out fighting,
again.

The best cure for laryngitis,
is...
silence.

I'll catch you all later,
be well,
be kind to each other

Later girls,
BB

Author: Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my mid early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream View all posts by Bookish Butch