My Ramblings – Page 77 – Bookish Butch

Library visit part I

The sky is grey,

steel grey,

and my thoughts,

are a little grey,

as well,

nothing I can’t handle,

I’ m a tough,

butch:-)

Shortly,

I will be off,

to the library,

bring back Giovanni’s Room,

and Gertrude Stein,

yeah, yeah, I admit it,

that old butch,

has got me beat,

the style is so strange.

I’m just not,

smart enough,

it’s OK,

this is not the first time,

I come to a realisation,

of the sort.

I will be taking out,

Maurice by E.M. Forster,

I’m looking forward to it.

So far,

the two GLBTQ Challenge,

readings have been,

top notch,

I seem to have picked well.

Well, I’ll write later,

let you know about my loot,

perhaps my thoughts,

will be clearer,

have a lovely,

Sunday, ladies.

Later girls,

Pink, she is f*****’ perfect, to me

Well, the weather people,

are calling for rain,

so, far,

clear skies,

fingers crossed.

The Canadiens lost,

last night,

they are obviously,

perturbed.

I’m distracted.

I have a few things,

on my mind,

I can’t seem to read,

the bookstore has been,

quiet, deserted, dead.

I’ve been thinking,

don’t sigh like that it’s not nice

thinking and listening to the,

radio.

I used to listen,

to Radio-Canada,

but,

then they started,

getting on my nerves,

always the same people,

saying the same,

things.

Don’t get me wrong,

it’s smart,

it’s just that,

Québec,

for an enormous land mass,

is a small place.

So I started listening,

to CBC,

that was good for a while,

but,

at one point,

I couldn’t stand the talking,

anymore.

So, I switched to,

a local,

very popular,

hybrid top 40,

easy listening,

station.

Quite a detour to,

tell you,

yesterday,

I heard Pink,

her new single,

Fuckin’ Perfect.

I had heard it many times,

even hummed along,

but,

yesterday,

I really heard it.

Let me say this,

I fuckin’ love Pink!!

Love everything about Pink.

If I had a daughter,

I would want her to listen,

to Pink.

She is an example.

Her lyrics are brilliant,

she is always,

saying,

be who you are,

you’re fucked up,

isn’t everyone, babe.

She’s the bad girl,

with the heart of gold,

with a conscience,

with attitude,

she rocks.

Her occasional,

swearing,

is not about,

being cool,

it’s about saying it,

like it is.

Dear Mr President,

an open letter,

to then,

President Bush,

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We’re not dumb and we’re not blind
They’re all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

That’s some potent stuff,

or this,

from Stupid Girls,

Maybe if I act like that (do like this), that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don’t wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that (Oh, Oh-Oh, Do you think?), flipping my blond hair back (Do you think?)
Push up my bra like that, I don’t wanna be a stupid girl (Yeah, yeah)

or a personal favourite of mine,

about how to deal with,

unwanted advances,

Just U and Your Hand

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

The latest Pink single,

is amazing,

about empowerment,

cutting ourselves some slack.

Fuckin’ Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re
nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were
wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you
instead
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred…such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too
hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re
nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me…

Oh but to have had a Pink,

thirty years ago,

She’s great,

and she’s cute,

Kick ass and Perfect.

Later girls,

Canadian Women, wow!!

OK,

As mentioned Ad Nauseum,

Spring is coming!!

Spring is Coming!!

So a tribute,

to the women,

of Canada,

Eh?

Mais, oui!!

in no particular order,

Pascale Bussieres- from the province of Québec. So sensual. The fact that she’s played a lesbian a time or two helps:-)

Céline Bonnier-She could teach me to knit, anytime. There is something about a woman wearing reading glasses. I can’t explain it, but…

k.d lang-Because she is all that and more. She brought butch back:-)

Jann Arden-Big round Western girl, smart and funny and can she ever sing.

Sarah Mclaughlan-Maritime girl, becomes West coast woman. Been in love with her for years. Your Love is better than Ice cream, better than anything else that Ive tried.

Cheryl Bernard-Curler, one of the World s best.

Nathalie MacMaster-Fiddler extraordinaire.

I could go on and on,

but,

I won’t.

What do you think?

I’m right they are amazing.

Wether big or small,

they are lovely,

and I for one,

love them all.

Later girls,

A dose of Spring fever and International Women’s Day

It was a glorious day,

in Montréal,

sun shinning,

everybody was,

looking hot,

you know what that means,

BB has got,

spring fever.

It’s still not spring,

and,

won’t be for a while,

but,

my body,

says,

spring:-)

My body,

my spirits,

my heart,

want,

feel,

crave,

Spring.

I want to put,

the bloody Parka,

away,

already,

get out,

the suede,

and,

ball cap.

Ah well,

I’ve made it this long,

I can surely last,

another,

week,

or,

two,

right?

Here’s hoping.

Today was International Women’s Day,

personally,

I’d like it to be,

a thing,

of the past,

when we look back,

and say,

“to think, there was a time when inequality existed”

That day isn’t really that close,

but,

still,

I’d like to pay,

a mini tribute,

to kick ass women,

who have improved the plight,

of women,

whether through action,

or example,

I apologize ahead of time if it a little western centric, it is what I know.

Jane Adams-Political and social activist founder of Hull House. A woman of wealth who gave all that she had and all that she was to improve the plight of the poor. A pacifist, a philosopher, the real McCoy.

Margaret Sanger- A pioneer in reproductive rights, family planning and the development of the birth control pill.

Emma Goldman-Anarchist extraordinaire and proponent of free love.

Rachel Carson-The woman who woke the world up to the dangers of pesticides and the importance of bio-diversity.

Marie Currie-A childhood hero. A woman who proved that women could be anything, including Nobel Prize winning scientists.

Margaret Mead-Pioneer Anthropologist, helped to broaden western sexual views.

Dian Fossey-Zoologist who studied Gorillas extensively and ultimately gave her life to protect them.

Golda Meir-Prime Minister of Israel, one of the first female heads of government-I realise Golda is a controversial choice, she was a politician after all, but, she was a woman of heart and honour. I remember reading her biography as a young teenager and thinking of joining a Kibbutz and, I’m not even Jewish.

There are many more,

these are some of,

my favourites,

who captured,

my imagination,

my awareness.

Also, they are all,

no longuer with us.

Thank you, Ladies.

Happy International Women’s Day,

one and all.

Later girls,

pictures all blatantly stolen off Wikipedia:-)

Lesbian classics

Interesting article on kissed by venus.

link here:

http://kissedbyvenus.ca/?p=2759

Lesbian classics,

how many of these have you read?

“Orlando” by Virginia Woolf
“The Well Of Loneliness” by Radclyffe Hall
“The Children’s Hour” by Lillian Hellman
“The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas” by Gertrude Stein
“Ruby Fruit Jungle” by Rita Mae Brown
“Patience & Sarah” by Isabel Miller
“Oranges are not the only fruit” by Jeanette Winterson
“The Price of Salt” by Patricia Highsmith
“Annie On My Mind” by Nancy Garden
“Stone Butch Blues” by Leslie Feinberg
“The Color Purple” by Alice Walker
“Tipping The Velvet” by Sarah Waters
“Beebo Brinker” by Ann Bannon
“Curious Wine” by Katherine V. Forrest
“Desert of the Heart” by Jane Rule

I’ve read ten of the fifteen,

I’m not sure if I’ve read,

The Color Purple,

I’ve seen the movie several times,

it is one of my exes,

all time favourites,

That, and Sound Of Music, but we won’t go there:-)

I read The Well Of Loneliness,

as a teenager,

that book is enough to scare,

a butch,

off women,

for life.

Dark and gloomy,

I’m glad I read it,

only because,

I can honestly,

say,

that I read it.

The Children’s Hour,

I’ve read and seen.

I must say,

the movie,

left a bigger impression,

but,

I love all things,

Lilian Hellman.

Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown.

I first heard about this book,

in a movie,

Educating Rita,

with Micheal Caine,

and the gorgeous, magical,

Julie Walters.

If you have never seen this movie, do, it’s amazing.

Julie takes the name Rita,

in honour,

of Rita Mae Brown,

who changed her life through,

Rubyfruit Jungle,

the filmaker is poking fun,

and Rita, the character,

isn’t even gay,

but,

I had to read the book.

I bought it,

on an unforgetable trip,

to Boston,

years ago.

I’ve read it,

ten, twelve times,

I do find it a bit dated,

but,

Molly is a strong,

independent,

uncompromising character.

My copy,

had a picture,

Of Rita,

the author,

on the back cover,

I wanted to look just like her.

silly butch:-)

I have read many of Brown’s books,

in the last few years,

I’ve gone off her,

how much can you read,

about quaint Virginia,

and foxhunts?

before,

deathly boredom sets in.

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit,

by Jeanette Winterson.

This book is amazing,

I can’t say enough good things,

about Winterson,

although I prefer,

Written On The Body,

Oranges,

is a coming of age,

autobiographical novel.

I read all her books,

some of them are,

very strange.

odd journeys,

but,

I trust her to,

take me somewhere,

interesting.

I’ve read both,

The Price Of Salt,

and,

Stone Butch Blues,

in the last year.

I liked,

The Price Of Salt,

Stone Butch Blues,

shook me to my core.

Sarah Waters,

Tipping The Velvet,

is funny, entertaining, sexy and reflective.

All of her books,

are must reads,

in my opinion.

Victorian Lesbians,

very hot.

Beebo Brinker by Ann Bannon,

not only is it,

a pioneering novel,

but,

it’s a really good read,

Beebo is a tender character,

the ultimate butch,

nothing stone about her.

Curious Wine by Katherine V Forest,

so romantic,

so, so romantic.

The love scenes,

will make you melt.

Desert Of The Heart by Jane Rule,

this book to me is,

the Lesbian classic.

The movie is a classic,

as well,

deservidly so,

the first time,

I ever saw two women,

kissing and making love,

that looked real.

Nobody dies,

or goes back to her husband,

revolutionary stuff.

Well, that is my take on the list,

what’s yours?

How many have you read?

Most of these can be enjoyed,

by all,

you don’t have to be a lesbian:-)

Later girls,

Those who came before

I got up,

to rain,

this morning,

lots of rain,

so in typical,

me fashion,

I expected,

the bookstore,

to be deserted,

I tried to be optimistic,

and tell myself,

I’ll finish,

my Baldwin.

To my great surprise,

I was very busy,

and had a day,

that is surely,

a record,

for early March.

Interested,

interesting,

customers,

buying,

lots of books.

Delightful.

Thirty pages left,

on Giovanni’s Room,

I’ll finish it,

before turning in.

I find it difficult,

honest,

filled with,

ugly emotions.

He was a brave man,

James Baldwin.

This novel,

was published in 1956,

and is an honest account,

of a homosexual affair.

His work,

was gutsy,

his life was gutsy.

He lived as an out,

homosexual,

didn’t really say, Gay, then

in the forties, fifties,

a black man.

It’s hard for me to imagine,

how difficult,

it must have been,

I live in,

a time,

and in,

a country,

where I can,

legally marry,

a woman.

He lived ,

in a puritanical time,

in a racially segregated society,

when being queer,

was a disease.

He was brave,

brilliant,

an example in every way.

Being true to,

your art,

your self,

your truth.

Freedom is not something that anybody can be given. Freedom is something people take, and people are as free as they want to be- James Baldwin

We stand on the shoulders,

of the,

James Baldwin’s,

of the past,

all of us,

regardless of,

preference,

or identity.

Good to remember,

those who came,

before.

Later girls,

Online dating or not?

Another cold one,

will it ever end!!!!

The Habs won last night,

I’m not too,

interested right now,

but,

I still,

watch the highlights.

I went out,

with busy writer,

last night,

we had planned soup,

but,

instead we did,

beer,

because,

sometimes,

you need to cut loose,

and have,

a couple of cold ones,

with your friends.

So we had a pitcher,

of Sleeman’s,

and talked.

We always have good talks.

I flirted with her,

it’s harmless, and mostly, for fun, besides, she seems immune to my considerable charms:-)

and we brought each other,

up to date.

The bar was full,

spring break.

I must be getting old,

they all looked about,

fifteen to me.

I’m guessing,

they were,

more like,

early twenties,

whatever.

So,

I said to busy writer,

who, btw, is looking fantastic- yoga, it’s a beautiful thing, or so I’m told:-)

I need to make some new,

gay women friends.

My gay girlfriends,

wonderful, one and all:-)

are all in couples,

or exes,

or much younger,

sort of limits,

the dating pool.

So, I need to meet,

women of a similar age,

with similar interests,

who live in the same city.

or,

I need to try,

online dating.

OK,

confession time.

I have been thinking,

about online dating,

for a while,

but,

I have heard such,

horror stories,

and since,

I’m the kind of butch,

who grows on you,

it might not be great.

Still,

I figure,

since regular dating,

is proving to be difficult,

would online dating,

be that much,

worst?

I figure,

I could write an add,

that would go something like this:

Sensitive and charmingly old fashioned butch seeks femme for friendship or more. I am a self-employed lover of books. Middle aged with good hair and teeth. My tendency is towards self-deprecation, but, I’m working on it. You, should be smart, soft and sweet smelling, love fiction, no self-help readers, please. Perhaps we could share some greasy Chinese food while discussing the relative merrits of John Irving, Somerset Maugham or Edna Saint-Vincent-Millay. I’m looking for an independent woman, who needs me. Not too girly, not too tall. Must love cats, mothers and not despise hockey. Bonus, if you think Blundstones and plaid are bloody adorable.

So what do you think,

good huh?

I am kidding,

but,

I am considering,

it.

What do you think?

Later girls,

Are butches, explorers?

I’m going out,

with busy writer,

tonight,

soup and coffee.

I love to go out for,

tum yum soup.

It’s complex and nuanced,

a very feminine soup.

It’s sweet,

it’s sour,

it’s spicy,

it’s hot,

it’s has many layers,

changing seasonal,

taste,

irresistible.

Remember,

I said I liked,

smart, soft, sweet smelling women,

I also like curves,

of the physical,

and the journey type.

I like a woman,

that makes me work,

for it,

By, It, I don’t mean sex, I like easy as much as the next Butch:-)

I mean,

heart.

Could explain why I’m single.

I wonder,

wouldn’t it be easier,

to like women,

who actually,

pursue me?

Oh, no I like the dance,

one step forward,

two back.

The challenge,

the discovery,

the courting.

I like it but,

I suspect,

I suck at it.

In spite of all these ramblings,

I feel giddy,

and optimistic.

hormones obviously make you deluded.

Beneath,

the staid, earnest, plaid clad,

butch exterior,

lies the heart of the,

coureur des bois,

the explorer,

the one who,

keeps saying,

“I’m pretty sure it’s right around this bend,”

with a French accent:-)

so on I go,

seeking,

curves.

Not going to let,

some mosquito bites,

and slapping branches,

deter me,

no way,

I’m a butch.

Later girls,

On the genius of Baldwin and the promise of dating

I’m reading,

Giovanni’s Room,

it’s good,

no,

it’s great,

I have always admired,

Baldwin’s work,

strength,

indignation,

clear angry prose,

but,

this,

is genius,

dark,

pain,

clarity,

and insight,

And yet-when one begins to search for the crucial, the definitive moment, the moment which changed all others, one finds one-self pressing, in great pain, through a maze of false signals and abpruptly locking doors

and this,

Perhaps he is a fool and a coward but almost everybody is one or the other and most people are both…he buttoned his wallet, locked his door, and retired into that strong self-pity which was perhaps, the only thing he had that really belonged to him.

I mentioned,

it was,

dark,

right?

Right now,

I can handle dark.

It feels like,

spring is coming,

I feel it,

in my fingers,

in my toes.

I’m feeling frisky,

and a little lonely.

I got a haircut,

polished my boots,

I’m feeling,

swagger,

dangerous swagger,

like I haven’t felt,

in years,

what is it they say,

about a woman’s sexual peak?

forties?

plenty of time left,

watch out,

you have been warned:-)

In the meantime,

I’ll keep reading,

oh,

and,

singing,

go figure,

bookish butch,

is giddy,

because,

one thing,

I should remember,

about the last few,

strange and brief,

experiences,

I’m dating again,

and it’s hard,

but,

nothing worth doing,

isn’t.

Later girls,