Hello everyone, hope you are all well,
if your weather is anywhere close to ours,
wow!
It’s really gorgeous,
here in my beautiful ugly.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,
when do I not?
on my walks, when I listen to music,
it seems to stimulate, thoughts, ideas,
not when I write, when I walk.
There is this one Matt Nathanson song,
Used To Be,
I love that song,
I frequently play it on repeat,
one of the lines is:
We were young and we were free,
that is kind of an accepted notion,
that being young,
young adult age,
means that you are free.
So I am walking around,
being happy,
feeling light, feeling good,
I keep singing,
We were young and we were free,
and well..
I am not feeling it,
I don’t think I felt young and free,
maybe, I was free and I didn’t realize it,
but, I don’t think so.
I have responsibilities,
now, that I didn’t have then,
and yet, now, at fifty-five,
I feel freer than I ever have.
I think what I think,
I love who I love,
I say what I think,
I care for people,
differently,
I rarely look at things,
through a win-lose filter,
I worry,
less, about what people think,
about me and more about,
what brings me joy,
insight,
I worry less about pleasing people,
I want to please people,
but not any and all people,
to my own detriment.
The impression,
the legacy,
I wish to leave is of a loving,
stand up,
kind of a woman,
butch and true.
Perhaps Kris Kristofferson’s ,
line in Me and Bobby McGee,
is more akin to my philosophy:
Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothin’ ain’t worth nothin’ but it’s free.
When you don’t need to prove anything,
when you can take your own counsel,
perhaps then, you are free.
Not quite free yet,
but, getting there.
Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.
Be well you all.
Later girls,
BB
