Bookish Butch – Page 89

Solicitude, the Butch position.

Lately, I have been feeling good about myself,

not just keeping up a good front,

or being PR for customers,

genuinely good.

It’s as if,

years of waiting for life to happen,

or the mad dash to live everything in a few months,

had settled down.

A switch was hit on January 1 st ,

and the confidence of my youth,

returned,

freaky.

Why?

I don’t know.

Maybe my mind was working it out,

while I slept:-)

I have hopes and dreams, again.

I am me again,

with a vengeance:-)

That doesn’t mean I no longer doubt,

doubting myself and my motivations,

are very much, me.

It does mean,

I trust myself more.

OK,

enough navel gazing.

It occurs to me,

I have not discussed,

The Elements of Butch Style,

in a while.

One of the things you learn early,

in the Butch Handbook,

is a philosophical and attitudinal element,

one that is very hard to grasp and perfect,

it’s all about nuance.

Solicitude.

Showing your femme you care,

with all the little things,

opening doors and pickle jars,

leaving love notes and taking out the garbage,

rubbing her feet and polishing her shoes,

learning about the things that interest her,

even if they involve,

Opera and flower arranging:-)

Solicitude is not about loosing yourself,

rather,

it is about taking care of her.

It is not about dominance,

it is about tenderness.

Solicitude is a lifetime of tweaking.

It involves selflessness and altruism.

It is the true essence of butch.

It’s hard work being butch,

but,

the rewards are tremendous.

**my cheek is hurting**

Bottom of the Box- The Tenants

This is Bernard Malamud.

Doesn’t he look like a writer?

The glasses, the typewriter…

I love typewriters, must be the Luddite** in me:-)

Bernard Malamud’s,

The Tenants, book cover of The Tenants by Bernard Malamud

is the first review for my new,

bottom of the box feature.

In which I rescue books from oblivion,

well actually,

from my snowy quarter (25¢) rack,

the one that sits in the entrance to my bookstore.

My copy of this novel,

doesn’t look nearly as nice as the one pictured above,

it is quite decrepit.

It’s merits are:

it is missing no pages and

it is small and light,

making it easy to carry in my book bag,

without wrenching my shoulder.

Bernard Malamud won The Pulitzer and,

The National Book Award,

twice.

In an empty and crumbling tenement of the inner city, two men meet, and their confrontation as rivals- sexually, intellectually, physically-becomes a powerful and lyrical metaphor of human relations in our time- This from the back cover of the Pocket Books edition.

This novel was published in 1971 in the USA,

a time of racial strife and inner city decay and violence.

Harry Lesser is a writer,

his first novel was a critical success,

his second suffered from the sophomore jinx.

He has been working on his third for the past ten years.

Luckily he sold the first to the movies,

and has been living on the deferred payments ever since.

Harry’s landlord, Levenspiel,

wants him to vacate his apartment,

so he can tear it down and have a newer,

more lucrative building erected in it’s place.

Harry is the last hold out,

and since the tenement is rent controlled,

he has the law on his side.

Harry is close to finishing his book,

and feels that if he moves,

he will loose his momentum.

Harry has no life,

he writes.

What have I done to myself? So much I no longuer see or feel except in language. Life once removed- page 98

and

I write it right but say it wrong , lesser thought.

I write it right because I revise so often.

What I say is unrevised and often wrong.- page 114

Into Harry’s,

all but abandoned building and life,

erupts Willie Spearmint,

an aspiring black writer.

These are the late sixties, early seventies, black was beautiful and no one had heard of African Americans, yet…

Willie is a force of nature all about writing but, also about passion.

Willie knows nothing of form or structure,

he just pounds away at the typewriter and, life.

Harry and Willie are a study in contrasts,

one Jewish,

one Black,

one slender and tall,

one stocky and powerfully built,

one a ladykiller,

one inept with women.

These two men come to mean much to each other,

both positive and ultimately,

destructive.

OK, I have to tell you,

I really liked this novel.

Once I started I had to finish.

It is short, 211 pages.

I expected a Phillip Roth like experience,

and we all know how much I like Roth!!

I misjudged,

I had heard Malamud compared to Roth and Bellow.

I have no comment on Bellow, I read one novel years ago, and have no real memory of it.

I found Malamud to be much more satisfying than Roth.

This novel deals with difficult issues.

Race, the objectification of women, the personal cost of creation.

It is a one gripping read.

I also appreciated that there are no real villains or heroes.

No white hat, black hat, bull.

Nothing politically correct about it,

a sensitive and accomplished work of art.

About flesh and blood people,

full of promise and prejudices,

people, warts and all.

I am so glad I rescued it from the bottom of the box,

a 25¢ well spent, my friends !!

I enjoyed this feature,

I think I’ll do it again,

soon.

What do you think?

Should I?

Later girls,

** A Luddite is one who is opposed to technological change. I am not opposed, I just like the aesthetics of typewriters and card catalogues etc. But, I won’t give up my laptop, how else could I communicate with you all:-)***

The bottom of the box

The Habs have lost 8 of their last 10 games,

I believe the appropriate expression is,

free fall.

Not looking good for the playoffs.

The weather on the other hand is amazing.

It has been unseasonably mild,

even if a little bit grey.

Sort of like London, but less posh:-)

Today the sky is blue and it is a little colder,

a fair trade off.

I am feeling giddy.

It’s weird I don’t usually do, giddy.

But, I can think of no other word,

I’m floating around,

and just so you know,

I don’t do drugs,

an all natural buzz.

Must be the new year and catching up on sleep.

Three, four goodnights’ sleep and,

the old butch is spitting fire.

I have been reading Brideshead Revisited,

I thought I would have it finished for New Year’s,

but, no.

It’s slow going, I can’t seem to concentrate.

Since, I am back to work tomorrow,

I should finish by the end of the week.

I used to be hung up on how many I read and reviewed,

right now?

Not so much.

After I finish Brideshead, I am going to be reading,

The Tenants by Bernard Malamud.

It will be part of a new feature I am instituting:

The bottom of the box.

Here’s the thing,

the bottom of the box,

are books of real interest,

in sorry ass shape,

found at the bottom of the box.

I usually put them on the quarter rack, outside.

But, sometimes there are pearls amongst the detritus,

coffee stained, cat hair infested and water logged, pearls,

but pearls nonetheless.

I clean them up and sometimes read them,

before the quarter rack.

So,

occasionally I will share my impressions of them.

Bernard Malamud is,

an American writer,

his most famous work I think is, The Natural.

I tried reading The Natural, years ago,

hated it.

It could be that I will feel the same way about The Tenants.

It looks promising.

Hopefully it will not be like my foray into Phillip Roth,

yuck.

Do you like the idea of the bottom of the box?

You never know what you will come up with,

a little bit adventurous and off the beaten path.

Nothing wrong with that,

especially if it involves no rain or mosquitoes,

just books.

Well,

that’s it for now

Later girls

Reading Is Sexy

I’ve always thought so.

I found this image on bookshelfporn.com,

I’ve mentioned them before,

a veritable cornucopia of book shots,

for the bookishly inclined.

Reading is sexy,

readers are sexy,

and writers are really sexy.

Although,

if you hung out in my bookstore some afternoons,

you could say readers are,

psycho or strange or socially retarded,

whatever,

Reading is sexy.

The act itself is sexy,

the intimate communication between two minds,

the writer’s and the reader’s,

the tactile aspect,

the feel of the book,

the smell of it,

the weight of it,

no doubt,

sexy.

The acquisition of knowledge,

exciting, enlightening and sexy.

Remember that teacher,

you know which one,

for me,

it was the smell of Opium by St-Laurent,

firm breasts in a tight sweater and,

the reading of Macbeth out loud.

Be still my heart.

Maybe for you it was a shop teacher,

a History professor.

makes no difference,

whatever floats your boat,

fact is,

it stems from reading.

A librarian looks at you over her glasses,

a writer gazes at you,

with impossibly deep dark eyes.

Yeah, Baby!

You read?

The whole world is at your disposal, fingertips,

and that my friends is,

sexy,

in every sense of the word.

Later girls,

*** nothing like fluff, to start the year on the proper light note:-)***

May the Wind be at your back

It’s a New Year and all the possibilities exist.

I am an optimist and a romantic at New Year’s.

I see a freshly fallen, pristine path of snow,

not too deep,

awaiting my tracks.

I may slip and tire but,

the lessons of Winters past will help me make it.

I’m looking ahead with hope and wonder.

I’ll need good boots and a soft back wind to carry me through.

I have them, I just have to believe,

and I do.

This year I want and need someone to walk the path with me,

I haven’t met her but,

I will,

she’s there.

… and so my friends…

May you have good traction,

may the wind be at your back,

and may a soft and strong hand keep you steady.

Happy New Year

Lots of luck,

Lots of love,

Later girls,

***Leave it to a Canadian to use snow imagery, what can I say,… it is what I know:-)***

Wrap up for 2010

I have been going over what I read for 2010.

I was under the impression,

that I had read much less than 2009.

Not really.

2009: 58 books

2010: 54 books

Not much of a difference.

If you consider that 2010 had the following factors going against it,

1-Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics,

two weeks spent in front of the television.

2-My mom’s heart attack,

non stop worrying and no concentration.

3-The summer of hell,

‘nough said.

4-The Habs making it to the Stanley Cup semi-finals,

first time in 15 years.

That makes for several weeks of no reading,

well not much reading,

I always read.

I started my reading year with,

Last Night In Twisted River,

John Irving, my man.

I will be ending it with,

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh.

Rich and full.

I am shocked to see,

I have read 1 French Language book,

only one.

It was a decent one but,

by no means a masterpiece,

L’Élégance Du Hérrison by Muriel Barbery.

I must do better in 2011!

I read 12 mysteries in 2010,

I used to read 30-40 a year,

now,

quality more than quantity.

As far as Male/Female author ratio is concerned,

22 were by male authors,

that leaves 32 for the women.

The author I read most this year,

Somerset Maugham, 4 books.

The author I discovered this year and will be reading more of,

Andrea Levy.

Non-fiction reading not much,

7 books,

mostly literary memoirs and collections of letters.

I like fiction.

I didn’t count rereads but,

there must be 4-5.

I also didn’t count the 4 novels I read in manuscript form,

they are by a good friend of mine,

I’ll tell you about them when they come out,

if she wants me to.

So for 2011,

I will be participating in The GLBT Q Reading Challenge,

( I also added the Q, following the example of Amy, it is as it should be)

here is the list of books I will be reading:

The Price Of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

Maurice by E.M Forster

Normal by Amy Bloom

The Gilda Stories by Jewel Gomez

The sixth is to be determined.

Any suggestions?

Also I would like to read Thomas Wolfe’s,

Look Homeward, Angel and Of Time And The River,

Big, thick, Southern fiction.

Since I was a child,

I have been attracted to the tragic destiny of Wolfe.

This year I try,

hard.

I’m hoping Cass doesn’t make us read our Bunker List,

I may never be heard from again:-)

I will let her reveal the said Bunker list when she sees fit but,

let me tell you it’s a doozy.

More French language books, GLBTQ, and some dense Southern Literature,

so goes the objective for 2011.

Let’s see how well I do.

I wish you all a Healthy and Happy New Year celebration.

Grab your girl/guy or whoever and tell them you love them.

Because the world needs more love and more readers:-)

Later girls

The Bookshop

I believe most of you know by now,

I own a used bookstore.

It’s small and honestly,

kind of dusty but,

it’s mine.

I love books and,

book lovers?

They are my people,

my tribe.

I read books about books and bookshops,

with a genuine interest.

A few months ago,

I saw references to The Bookshop by Penelope Fitzgerald.

Probably on one of the British book blogs that I peruse.

On my last library visit I looked it up and took it out.

It is with anticipation nearing excitement that,

I started it early last week.

It wasn’t what I expected or perhaps,

more accurately,

what I needed.

Some of my favourite reads of the last few years,

have been set in bookstores or been about them,

it’s a passion.

I won’t bore you again with how much I love,

84 Charing Cross Road.

I will however say that Carlos Ruiz Zafon’s,

The Shadow of The Wind,

is one of the most imaginative novels I have ever read.

I read several memoirs of bookshops and bookshop odysseys,

Time Was Soft There,

Jeremy Mercer’s memoir of time spent at the mythical,

Shakespeare and Company in Paris.

Shakespeare And Company by Sylvia Beach,

the woman who founded the original bookshop in 1919 and,

published James Joyce’s Ulysses.

The Yellow Lighted Bookshop,

Books v. cigarettes, a series of essays by George Orwell,

Books: A Memoir by Larry McMurtry.

All this to say,

I like the genre.

I usually find them to be funny and uplifting.

Filled with eccentric, quirky people.

The Bookshop by Penelope Fitzgerald,

is very well written novel.

It is a subtle book,

about a small town in East Anglia and the people who live there.

It engaged me and showed me a part of the world I don’t know.

But, it ultimately, made me sad.

It achieved this by being perfectly honest,

about how the world works.

The hard working and honest people don’t always make it,

sometimes the snobs and the bourgeois do.

I wanted a David, convincing and winning over Goliath story.

That’s wasn’t what this book was,

this in no way diminishes it’s merits,

just my enjoyment.

I was looking for an ode to the love of books,

and the sharing of that love.

What I got,

was a book about the great difficulty of changing peoples’ attitudes,

and how you can’t fight City Hall.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I think this is a perfect illustration of what a reader brings to a book,

one’s life experiences makes a book different for every reader.

Forgive me for stating the obvious,

and for giving away too much of the plot.

I just had to share what I thought.

Later girls

What I want for 2011

I made it through Christmas,

now it’s on to New Year’s.

I have never been a big lover of New Year’s,

not being,

a party animal.

But, this year I am really looking forward to it.

Not to party but,

to move forward.

2010 had it’s moments but,

I’ve had better years.

I have some ambitions for 2011,

I’m going to work hard at realising them.

I want to spend more time with my friends,

quality time.

I want to stop whinning about my lack of a love life,

and start working towards acquiring one.

If anyone knows any nice, quirky women in their late thirties to late forties they would like to introduce, I’m down with that:-) Just keep in mind, they must be bookish and, like butches-smile and wink.

I want to read more and participate in a few challenges,

both collective and personal.

I want to eat more fruit and drink more water.

I want to spend time with my nephews,

teach them to love hockey and books.

Because, these things are important.

I want to write more and better.

I want to go back to Toronto.

I want to meet a woman who takes my breath away,

and thinks my quirks are cute.

I want to be taller and younger and slimmer,

I’ll settle for slimmer.

I want my family to know how much I love and appreciate them.

In the realm of the kind of tough,

I want The Habs to win the Cup.

I want an end to Harper rule.

Mostly, I want to be happy and healthy and prosperous,

and I want that for all of you as well.

Later girls

***…and of course I want world PEACE***

Christmas Update

Good morning , all.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Mine was pretty darn nice.

On Friday, Christmas Eve,

mom and I,

went to visit my dad’s side of the family.

We don’t get to visit with them that much,

everyone is spread out over two very large provinces.

But, at Christmas we manage to meet,

some years one or two can’t make it,

this year everyone did,

and all were on their best behaviors.

Good food, good conversation and lots of laughing.

On Christmas day, we went to my ex’s mother’s,

we go at Christmas and they come over on New Year’s,

it’s tradition and has been for many years.

The thing with going there is that my ex has a brother who is,

kind of a jerk,

most families have one.

So, you never know if this is the year,

he’ll make a scene.

This year, Goddess be praised:-),

he was sweet and funny.

When we go there it’s all about presents,

too many.

This year it was more manageable,

everyone seemed to like their stuff.

I didn’t get any books, I like to pick my own.

I got a new comforter from mom,

a great backpack from my ex,

a really nice warm sweater,

and some new leather gloves.

Bonus, I got Lost and Delirious,

a movie I have been wanting to see for ages.

Mom also renewed my Chapters IReward card.

I’m very happy.

Today, Boxing Day we are going to my aunt’s,

this is all about the kids.

I hope they like their loot:-)

We are going to have take out Chinese,

which is fun, we are all so sick of turkey.

I haven’t had much time for reading,

but, I am working my way through, The Bookshop.

I’m enjoying it, a nice quiet British read.

I’ll let you know what I think when I finish.

I hope you all had fun and ate lots of yummy stuff.

Later girls

…and so Happy Christmas

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear- John Lennon-Happy Christmas(War Is Over)

This song to me is the perfect Christmas song,

for reflection and planning the coming year.

No matter who many times I hear it, it brings wet to my eyes.

Another year over and what have you done.

I have tried to grow, to follow my dreams.

I have tried to be a shoulder and an ear, to those who need it.

I have tried through my bookstore,

to be a haven of peace and a little bit of culture in a noisy world.

I have tried to love and not sit back.

I have tried to be good to the near and the dear ones.

All these had various levels of success, but…

I have tried.

For the New Year, I’ll keep on,

trying.

It’s Christmas,

hold the ones you love close,

remember those who are no more.

Have fun.

Dance, sing, eat and be merry.

The time for reflection is over.

Party in whatever way works for you.

I will.

All the best,

I wish you all peace, happiness and— good loot:-)

Later girls

**Let’s hope one day we can say, War Is Over**