An anniversary and a small hiatus

Good morning, girls.

I apologise for my lack,

of communication,

over the last few days,

the truth is,

I haven’t had much,

to say.

Well, nothing that,

would interest,

you girls,

anyway.

I’m a little down,

on myself right now,

this too shall pass.

I have a busy weekend,

coming up,

and I have a whole,

pile of books,

waiting to be read,

that I want,

to write about,

Maurice, The Powerbook,

and one that comes,

highly recommended,

which,

I will mention,

and perhaps,

review after,

reading.

It has been,

a year,

since,

I started,

bookish butch.

So, it’s Happy Anniversary,

to me, time.

I have loved writing,

this blog so much.

It has brought me,

so much,

on a personal,

and a satisfaction,

level.

But, lately I have,

wavered,

focus wise,

so, I’m taking a few days,

to get back to me,

and what it is I want,

out of this experience.

I can’t thank all of you,

enough,

for reading, for commenting,

for being there,

where ever,

there is:-)

I’ll write next week,

I promise.

Later girls,

BB

Pastiche: Impressions from the bookstore

Well girls,

’tis spring,

early days,

but still,

I got the suede jacket out,

and it’s looser,

than last year,

makes me feel good.

Some strange characters,

in the bookstore today,

and some that make you,

feel,

tender and mushy,

like the big guy,

who asks shyly,

where the,

sexuality books are,

and then brings to,

the counter a book,

entitled,

L’orgasme Feminin,

sweet,

he was,

a little embarrassed,

but,

said he would come back,

he had to pick up,

his wife,

adorable,

a man who seeks,

a better orgasm,

for his wife,

sweet.

A few weirdos,

it’s the full moon,

this week,

don’t tell me about, how there is no scientific evidence that the full moon affects people, twenty-five years experience working with the public, for me, trumps that.

Some slightly seedy,

looking character,

who wants,

to sell me,

antique books,

these would be,

old dictionaries,

he found in the recycling,

I know I walked by them,

I tried not to laugh,

when he said,

“I could let ’em go for twenty bucks.”

That kind of day,

not bad,

not good,

just weird.

I’m feeling,

pretty weird myself,

maybe I’ll take,

a few days,

off.

still trying to decide.

Later girls,

be well,

enjoy the rebirth of spring,

BB

I wanna dance with somebody

Good Morning,

it doesn’t really matter,

what time of day,

it is when you read this,

I wish you,

a good morning.

I’m feeling silly,

and probably,

more than a little,

irrational.

I’m going with it.

The sun is out,

more and more,

it looks like spring.

In the spring,

the young feel the,

need to get out there,

meet someone,

get it on,

get laid,

mate,

or for the truly,

romantic,

make love,

and cuddle. 

I’ll let you in,

on a secret,

so do the,

not so young.

It is the time,

of birth,

and rebirth,

of the crocus,

the daffodil,

the tulip.

You feel the blood,

pump through,

your veins,

in the spring,

like at,

no other time.

For those of us,

who live in a,

northern climate,

it’s also about,

shedding,

the layers,

or as,

my good friend,

busy writer says,

dumping the,

ten pounds of boots and coats.

In the early spring,

the coat gets unzipped,

semi freedom,

by the time April comes,

it’s,

Look,

I really do have a body,

sometimes we forget.

You become more,

sure footed,

in the spring,

the fear,

and,

possible,

humiliation,

of slipping on the ice,

rescinds.

You strutt,

you swagger,

even if,

only in your mind,

you feel it,

I am butch, hear me roar!!!

You want to dance,

you want to kiss,

you want to love.

How is that different,

from the rest of the year?

Well, that’s the mystery,

it isn’t,

but,

it is.

It’s about more,

and louder,

I think.

I sing louder,

I stomp my foot,

to the beat,

I want to dance with somebody, I want to feel the heat with somebody,

and in the spring,

I’m less,

discreet,

about it.

Cheeky, cheeky,

have a glorious day,

girls,

Later,

BB

Library visit part II

I’m back,

the sky is now,

pearl grey,

my thoughts are,

much clearer,

and all in all,

pretty positive.

A walk down,

my street,

La Catherine,

always does it.

I still have the parka,

but,

the woolen cap,

is gone,

put away,

’til next winter,

I hope.

My favourite ball cap,

has taken it’s place,

a camel coloured Gap,

State Champions 1969,

ridiculous,

I was four years old in 1969,

still it’s my favourite,

frames my face best,

and looks good,

with the rectangular,

frames of my glasses.

The library was calm,

nice day,

sort of,

people out and about.

I walked from,

St-Denis all the way to Guy,

my heart will thank me later,

I hope,

I was doing a little,

spring cleaning,

of the mind,

the cobwebs,

the stale air.

I was making room,

I hope it worked.

I picked up,

Maurice,

like I said I would,

also a Jeanette Winterson,

I’m sure,

I’ve read,

but,

seems to be missing,

from my bookshelf,

The Powerbook,

must have loaned it out.

I think I’ll read a while,

I don’t seem to have much,

to say.

Later girls,

BB

Library visit part I

The sky is grey,

steel grey,

and my thoughts,

are a little grey,

as well,

nothing I can’t handle,

I’ m a tough,

butch:-)

Shortly,

I will be off,

to the library,

bring back Giovanni’s Room,

and Gertrude Stein,

yeah, yeah, I admit it,

that old butch,

has got me beat,

the style is so strange.

I’m just not,

smart enough,

it’s OK,

this is not the first time,

I come to a realisation,

of the sort.

I will be taking out,

Maurice by E.M. Forster,

I’m looking forward to it.

So far,

the two GLBTQ Challenge,

readings have been,

top notch,

I seem to have picked well.

Well, I’ll write later,

let you know about my loot,

perhaps my thoughts,

will be clearer,

have a lovely,

Sunday, ladies.

Later girls,

BB

Musings on not much

Terrible,

the earthquake and tsunami,

in Japan.

The Japanese are an,

organised,

resilient,

people,

they’ll  pull through,

Godspeed.

Yesterday,

started off well,

I was feeling good,

had a rhythm going,

and then came,

the rain,

and,

the weirdos.

But, hey,

to paraphrase,

Scarlett O’Hara,

today is another day.

Gone With The Wind.

How many of you have read,

Gone With The Wind,

by Margaret Mitchell?

I read it the summer,

I turned,

fourteen?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure,

fourteen.

What an impression,

it left,

on my baby butch,

mind,

imagination.

I love that book.

I know it’s full of,

stereotypes,

sexism,

racism,

longing for a,

romantic old south,

that may have existed,

almost exclusively,

in peoples’ imaginations,

but,

still.

Scarlett is so strong,

such a survivor,

her mother,

class personified,

Melanie Wilkes,

the very definition,

of loyalty,

Stand by your man.

I confess,

I always thought,

a good butch,

wouldn’t have,

walked out on,

Scarlett,

like Rhett did.

What can I say,

I’m crazy that way,

I sometimes substitute,

butches,

for the male,

characters,

it’s weird,

but,

it works for me,

also,

I’m almost certain,

others do the same.

Do you?

Well,

I must go to work.

Do I feel like it?

Damn, no.

But, you gotta do,

what you gotta do.

Later girls,

BB

*I’ll write something better tomorrow, because after all: Tomorrow is another day**

 

Pink, she is f*****’ perfect, to me

Well, the weather people,

are calling for rain,

so, far,

clear skies,

fingers crossed.

The Canadiens lost,

last night,

they are obviously,

perturbed.

I’m distracted.

I have a few things,

on my mind,

I can’t seem to read,

the bookstore has been,

quiet, deserted, dead.

I’ve been thinking,

don’t sigh like that it’s not nice

thinking and listening to the,

radio.

I used to listen,

to Radio-Canada,

but,

then they started,

getting on my nerves,

always the same people,

saying the same,

things.

Don’t get me wrong,

it’s smart,

it’s just that,

Québec,

for an enormous land mass,

is a small place.

So I started listening,

to CBC,

that was good for a while,

but,

at one point,

I couldn’t stand the talking,

anymore.

So, I switched to,

a local,

very popular,

hybrid top 40,

easy listening,

station.

Quite a detour to,

tell you,

yesterday,

I heard Pink,

her new single,

Fuckin’ Perfect.

I had heard it many times,

even hummed along,

but,

yesterday,

I really heard it.

Let me say this,

I fuckin’ love Pink!!

Love everything about Pink.

If I had a daughter,

I would want her to listen,

to Pink.

She is an example.

Her lyrics are brilliant,

she is always,

saying,

be who you are,

you’re fucked up,

isn’t everyone, babe.

She’s the bad girl,

with the heart of gold,

with a conscience,

with attitude,

she rocks.

Her occasional,

swearing,

is not about,

being cool,

it’s about saying it,

like it is.

Dear Mr President,

an open letter,

to then,

President Bush,

                                  Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We’re not dumb and we’re not blind
They’re all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

That’s some potent stuff,

or this,

from Stupid Girls,

Maybe if I act like that (do like this), that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don’t wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that (Oh, Oh-Oh, Do you think?), flipping my blond hair back (Do you think?)
Push up my bra like that, I don’t wanna be a stupid girl (Yeah, yeah)

or a personal favourite of mine,

about how to deal with,

unwanted advances,

Just U and Your Hand

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

The latest Pink single,

is amazing,

about empowerment,

cutting ourselves some slack.

Fuckin’ Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re
nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were
wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you
instead
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred…such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too
hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re
nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me…

Oh but to have had a Pink,

thirty years ago,

She’s great,

and she’s cute,

Kick ass and Perfect.

Later girls,

BB

Canadian Women, wow!!

OK,

As mentioned Ad Nauseum,

Spring is coming!!

Spring is Coming!!

So a tribute,

to the women,

of Canada,

Eh?

Mais, oui!!

in no particular order,

Pascale Bussieres- from the province of Québec. So sensual. The fact that she’s played a lesbian a time or two helps:-)

Céline Bonnier-She could teach me to knit, anytime. There is something about a woman wearing reading glasses. I can’t explain it, but…

k.d lang-Because she is all that and more. She brought butch back:-)

Jann Arden-Big round Western girl, smart and funny and can she ever sing.

Sarah Mclaughlan-Maritime girl, becomes West coast woman. Been in love with her for years. Your Love is better than Ice cream, better than anything else that Ive tried.

Cheryl Bernard-Curler, one of the World s best.

Nathalie MacMaster-Fiddler extraordinaire.

I could go on and on,

but,

I won’t.

What do you think?

I’m right they are amazing.

Wether big or small,

they are lovely,

and I for one,

love them all.

Later girls,

BB

Giovanni’s Room

Something strange,

is falling,

from the sky,

not really,

snow,

not really,

rain,

perhaps,

textured rain?

The Canadiens,

won on Tuesday,

but,

one of our best forwards,

was seriously injured,

the way he was hit,

he could have been,

killed,

ugly stuff,

there are limits,

the league should do,

something,

before someone dies.

I hate that,

it’s a contact sport,

not shuffleboard but,

this is insane,

it also gives Hockey,

a reputation,

as a barbaric sport.

It’s not,

it is,

an exciting, fast,

sport.

Our national pastime.

Been, an odd,

kind of week,

I’m tired and manic,

simultaneously.

Spring?

I’ve been thinking about,

Giovanni’s Room.

Sometimes,

when reading great works,

of literature,

what I call literature,

with a capital L,

I’m not sure,

I understand,

all that is being,

“said”,

and I don’t think,

it is necessarily,

important.

To me,

Giovanni’s Room,

is about coming to terms,

with loving,

someone of your own sex,

and how difficult,

that can be.

No matter that we live in a more accepting era, it is still difficult and sometimes heart wrenching, the pressure to conform is still massive.

David,

the protagonist,

has experimented with,

homosexuality,

from a young age.

Still a boy,

when he has a romance,

with Joey,

but,

he turns on Joey,

sees him as weak,

and bullies him.

It’s actually easier,

for him,

to be cruel,

than to accept,

that he is gay.

Says a lot,

about what we teach,

boys.

David moves to Paris,

to get away from,

his life,

his family.

He meets Hella,

a young American woman,

she is smart,

attractive,

and,

free.

Hella, goes to Spain,

basically,

to decide,

if she wants to be with David.

While, she is away,

he meets Giovanni,

and lives with him,

in his room.

David loves Giovanni,

but,

he is incapable of,

that love,

or so ,

he thinks.

Hella,

comes back and decides,

to marry David,

because,

to her a woman,

only becomes,

a woman,

through the eyes,

of a man.

Says a lot,

about,

what we teach girls.

Do we really think, it’s all that different today? Is De Beauvoir’s line about not being born a woman but, becoming one, a thing of the past? I wonder? 

This is a novel about,

discovery,

love,

betrayal,

and ultimately,

acceptance.

Hard to take,

for the rawness,

and honesty,

of it’s emotion.

I’m still amazed that,

Baldwin had,

to guts,

to say,

these things in 1956.

This is not a feel good book.

There is no happy ending.

But, David does find,

clarity.

This novel,

as do all works,

of naked truth,

shook me to my core.

I will never forget it.

Later girls,

BB

*I hope I didn’t give too much away*

A dose of Spring fever and International Women’s Day

It was a glorious day,

in Montréal,

sun shinning,

everybody was,

looking hot,

you know what that means,

BB has got,

spring fever.

It’s still not spring,

and,

won’t be for a while,

but,

my body,

says,

spring:-)

My body,

my spirits,

my heart,

want,

feel,

crave,

Spring.

I want to put,

the bloody Parka,

away,

already,

get out,

the suede,

and,

ball cap.

Ah well,

I’ve made it this long,

I can surely last,

another,

week,

or,

two,

right?

Here’s hoping.

Today was International Women’s Day,

personally,

I’d like it to be,

a thing,

of the past,

when we look back,

and say,

“to think, there was a time when inequality existed”

That day isn’t really that close,

but,

still,

I’d like to pay,

a mini tribute,

to kick ass women,

who have improved the plight,

of women,

whether through action,

or example,

I apologize ahead of time if it a little western centric, it is what I know.

Jane Adams-Political and social activist founder of Hull House. A woman of wealth who gave all that she had and all that she was to improve the plight of the poor. A pacifist, a philosopher, the real McCoy.

Margaret Sanger- A pioneer in reproductive rights, family planning and the development of the birth control pill.

Emma Goldman-Anarchist extraordinaire and proponent of free love.

Rachel Carson-The woman who woke the world up to the dangers of pesticides and the importance of bio-diversity.

Marie Currie-A childhood hero. A woman who proved that women could be anything, including Nobel Prize winning scientists.

Margaret Mead-Pioneer Anthropologist, helped to broaden western sexual views.

Dian Fossey-Zoologist who studied Gorillas extensively and ultimately gave her life to protect them.

Golda Meir-Prime Minister of Israel, one of the first female heads of government-I realise Golda is a controversial choice, she was a politician after all, but, she was a woman of heart and honour. I remember reading her biography as a young teenager and thinking of joining a Kibbutz and, I’m not even Jewish.

There are many more,

these are some of,

my favourites,

who captured,

my imagination,

 my awareness.

Also, they are all,

no longuer with us.

Thank you, Ladies.

Happy International Women’s Day,

one and all.

Later girls,

BB

pictures all blatantly stolen off Wikipedia:-)