Been quite a week.
Ups and downs.
I am feeling so much better,
tonight,
than I did on Monday night.
I had organized ,
what I hoped would be,
a fun event,
a black out poetry event.
I wanted to make it,
an inter-generational activity.
At the last ish minute,
the younger contingent,
had to back out.
Shit happens,
it’s no ones fault.
I have a tendency,
to take stuff,
personally,
also,
to beat myself up,
and over focus on,
my failings and limitations.
I think self-examination,
criticism even,
is essential to growth,
essential to,
empathy for others.
But, self flagellation,
leads to nothing,
it’s not worth it.
The next day,
we had the event,
it was a delight.
Talking and,
‘finding’ poetry,
with two ladies,
whose company I enjoy,
and whose journeys,
I respect.
I was in so much better a mood,
all the crap and doubt,
replaced by joy.
And yesterday,
the organization I work for,
had a book giveaway,
and I spent most of the day,
talking about books,
talking about literacy,
connecting with people,
who want to help others,
and make a difference.
I felt I was supporting,
some important work.
I felt like the work we do,
is vital to the health of,
the community.
and that is pretty much,
everything to me.
These last 3-4 years,
that I have spent,
being underemployed,
supporting mom,
and her supporting me,
meeting and connecting,
with so many people,
through church,
establishing myself,
in a whole new world.
At times it felt like,
it was all for naught,
but, clearly, it wasn’t,
I was acquiring new skills,
new relationships,
that were leading me to,
what I am doing now.
The discernment process,
is a long one,
and it is by no means,
finished.
I have asked myself,
so many times,
is this the way?
And then,
now,
some of the pieces,
have come together.
I have to learn to have,
more faith,
in God,
in the purpose,
in me.
Funny,
so many people,
believe in me,
help me,
support me and most days,
I’m good.
But, those other days,
I just gotta learn to believe in,
those who believe in,
me.
Thank you, all of you,
who came out,
who reach out,
who listen and support,
and believe,
who love.
It means way more than,
I can say.
and now I am going to watch tv,
with my mother.
Be well, stay safe,
wear your mask.
Later girls,
BB
