Hello all, hope you are,
all,
well.
April's biggest challenge,
here in the beautiful ugly,
has been staying...
dry,
lots of rain.
May is,
so far,
all over the place,
Aw, Spring, I love ya,
you may seem fickle to some,
but to me,
you are renewal in all its,
joys and difficulties.
Busy with my,
tutoring,
work,
life.
I continue my spiritual quest,
I feel more and more at home,
in faith.
Who would have thought?
My Alpha course,
Alpha journey,
continues,
I leave every week,
with questions,
and ponderings,
I love that.
I live for food for thought
:-)
This week's theme was,
one I was looking forward to,
What next? what to do,
with the rest of my life?
As many of you know,
I have been at,
a crossroads,
for a while,
I haven't chosen a path,
I have been exploring,
different avenues, roads,
not investing myself,
on a course of action.
Not exactly idling but,
slow pace.
These last few months,
I have felt much more,
in tune with myself,
physically,
mentally,
in my core.
I am over,
the physical shocks,
of surgery,
the fear of dying that,
accompanied it.
I have healed from,
the pain of losing,
my friend, the anarchist.
I miss him still,
but it no longer,
involves searing pain,
I smile when I,
think of him.
So this week,
I went to Alpha,
with joy and enthusiasm,
and,
was glad to see,
the people,
who I have grown so,
fond of,
a community, warmth,
and, faith.
We watched the old version,
of the video in French,
because the new version,
wasn't ready.
The old version,
isn't as well suited,
to the open and modern,
church that is St-Jax's
IMHO.
Long story short:
the video,
spoke of the bible,
being a way of living,
a guide book,
that God has given us,
and the guy spoke,
specifically about,
sexuality,
and offered up,
specifically,
a hetero normative version,
of the world.
Cold shower.
Now, to be clear,
we all live in a,
hetero normative,
world,
and we adjust,
and honestly it is expected.
Norm is norm.
But, what I have come to,
appreciate,
about St-Jax's,
like the other places I feel at home,
is that I am liked,
loved by some,
for who I am.
We don't discuss such things,
why would we,
we accept each other,
for who we are,
but, I can usually smell,
a bigot and hommophobe,
at a fair distance,
and,
like all groups,
there are undoubtedly,
a few in church.
But, I felt in my heart,
in my bones,
that the leadership,
and most of the congregation,
wasn't.
So, it was with a weight,
in my heart,
that I emerged from the video room,
to the discussion area,
I went to get some herbal tea,
and, wondered if I would have,
to leave St-Jax's.
I sat down with my tea,
and found the leader,
of the group and others,
discussing,
the different tone of these,
videos.
It seems they had all been,
uncomfortable with the video,
as well.
and they agreed that sincere love,
is just that.
Phew
My perception about,
St-Jax's taking people,
for who they are,
was right.
The thing is I could leave.
I have lived without St-Jax's
and faith in my life,
before,
and I could do it again,
but,
I find that,
more and more,
I would rather...
not
Be well you all, thank you,
for accompanying me on my,
journey
Later girls,
BB
I've shared this before, Calvin and Hobbes, never gets old:-)
I have,
mostly,
stayed the course,
as far as,
my not overthinking things,
plan is concerned.
I had a slight,
slide back,
last week,
got all weird,
with myself,
others,
about expectations,
but...
I am back,
on my path.
You might recall,
in December,
I said I would,
pick a project,
a creative endeavour,
to work on,
this year.
I have spent,
more than a month,
being with friends,
family,
etc,
working, reading,
watching, observing,
absorbing.
I have chosen to not,
chose,
not yet.
I will be taking,
the Alpha course,
at St Jax of Montreal,
exploring,
the spiritual,
in my life.
They are nice people,
very nice.
I still don't know,
if I will follow that road,
the church road I mean,
But I will follow,
the 'class',
ask questions,
meet people,
break bread.
With an open mind,
and,
an open heart.
I will also be,
attending,
Sunday service,
from now and up until,
the end of the Alpha course,
afterwards,
we shall see.
I am in my second week,
of an online,
photography class,
with shawacademy.com,
my BFF gave me a voucher,
for a free class.
I chose the photography class.
I love photography,
been taking pictures,
for a few years,
learned it on my own,
trial and error,
with varying results,
but,
it makes me happy.
If there is one thing,
I have learned over,
the years,
it's that you always,
have stuff to learn.
Even in the first few classes,
about basic principles,
a couple of lights,
went on in my head.
Very enjoyable.
My promises to myself,
to take concrete steps,
in political,
action,
are also moving along,
meeting people,
networking,
going to the women's march,
on Saturday.
A world wide collective,
protest to the disturbing,
trends in politics,
all over the world,
but,
mostly with our neighbours,
to the South,
we stand with you,
sisters and brothers.
Keeping my journal,
reading everyday.
Being the best,
friend,
daughter,
girlfriend,
person,
I can be.
Letting,
light,
beauty,
thought...
in.
Going to keep doing that,
for a while,
sometimes,
it isn't abut choosing,
it's about being.
Be well you all.
Later girls,
BB