Well,
I don’t want to jinx things,
but,
things are moving according to plan.
Both Friday and Saturday,
were amazing days.
Lots of books sold,
piles and piles of books sold.
All clean up and clean out costs,
put aside,
and,
now I’m working on,
what I will have left over.
It won’t be enough to retire,
😛
or even take a year off,
but, what would I do with a year off, anyway:-)
I expect to take about,
six weeks off,
which is wonderful,
and,
then I expect to have enough,
so that I can work,
part time,
for the following six months,
or so.
Allow me to drift into,
the new job, project, career,
part of my life.
I have lived quite thriftily,
out of necessity,
over the past few years,
and,
I can go on doing so.
More important to me,
to have time and head space,
than money.
I am feeling much better,
about things,
I know,
I gave it everything I had.
It isn’t a failure,
it’s an evolution.
I don’t want to run,
a business,
anymore,
I don’t like the,
‘it’s not personal, it’s business’
mantra,
to me things are personal.
It’s how I live my life,
I’m not perfect,
so far from it,
but,
I believe,
I have honour and integrity,
I have to be able to look,
at myself,
in the mirror,
in the morning,
when I’m brushing my teeth,
and not be ashamed,
of the butch,
starring back at me.
I don’t care what justifications,
people use to enable them,
to cut,
the corners of their personal integrity,
I only care about mine.
Having a job,
earning your keep,
these are necessary,
and,
fine,
making barrels of money,
by,
talking the talk, walking the walk,
of,
‘it’s not personal, it’s business’
isn’t,
not for me.
Since, I don’t have much,
in the way of personal and financial,
obligations and responsibilities,
I don’t have to compromise myself,
I can make choices,
that I can live with,
and,
if that means making less,
and,
being ‘proud’ of myself,
I’ll be a happy butch.
I realise not everyone can afford,
the independence and let’s face it,
sometimes,
folly,
that have dictated my choices,
but,
I can,
and that means more to me,
much more,
than the conventional evaluation of,
success.
I don’t have much,
in the way of,
material manifestation,
to show for,
and,
I don’t care.
I am as free,
as one can be,
when one lives as a part of society,
and,
that is what I’ve always wanted,
not sure I always knew that,
but,
all the choices I have made,
without knowing it,
sometimes,
have been about and towards that.
It is personal,
and,
no it isn’t ‘business’
it’s my life.
Not sure if this makes sense to any of you,
but,
thanks for partaking in my ramblings
🙂
Later girls,
BB
** I think it goes without saying, that I don’t think that all business is crooked and I think that a lot of people work hard with honour and integrity, it’s just that in this world of material success over everything else, I could no longer run the bookstore and survive, mom and pops on streets can’t survive selling books and such, they just can’t, consumerism and mega corporations have killed the small profit business, no profit is ever enough anymore. Maybe I will end up ‘running’ myself as a ‘product’ or a ‘business’ but, I won’t play the game**
