Dear Mom

My favourite photo of my mom

Dear Mom,

it’s been more than a year,

since you passed away.

I think of you everyday.

Most days, I wish I could,

share something with you.

A laugh, a thought,

I wish I could tease you,

about politics,

or whatever.

Have a good cry watching,

Call The Midwife.

A lot has happened,

since you died,

that is how life is,

it goes on.

But, of course you know that

I paired down,

I packed,

I gave away lots of,

stuff.

I tried to honour your things, have them be useful to people, or simply bring pleasure, and warmth.

I have been in my new place,

six months,

today.

I could not be happier.

Helene and I share dinner,

at least once a week.

She takes me with her,

for groceries and,

cat stuff,

she looks out for Georgie,

when I am gone,

overnight,

he loves her,

and it is very mutual.

My flat is bright and sunny,

you would love it.

I love it.

Work is still wonderful,

I feel fulfilled,

appreciated,

and I learn things,

everyday.

My love life,

has really changed.

When you died,

I was in,

a long distance relationship,

there were,

wonderful aspects,

to that relationship,

good talks,

lots of laughter,

but, the distance,

and fundamental,

philosophical and cultural differences,

made it impossible,

to,

sustain.

It was hard,

break ups,

are,

but,

going forward,

living your best life,

means change,

growth,

and that,

often means,

pain.

Hard to believe,

I still,

have,

growing pains at 56,

but, I have and I expect,

there will be more.

I have a woman,

in my life.

She is wonderful,

you would really like her.

Her name is Catherine,

she is quiet,

but,

she loves to laugh,

she has the cutest little snort, when I really make her laugh, and I live to make her laugh.

she is beautiful,

has great style,

she loves to read,

we go to art shows,

we go out to eat,

I cook for her,

she cooks for me.

We spend most,

of our weekends,

together.

I feel so good with her,

I feel so me,

when I am with her.

My friends like her,

the cat loves her.

She is considerate,

generous,

and the easiest person,

I have ever been with.

I tell her about you,

she knows,

how much I love you,

that isn’t past tense,

I love you.

I am not just ok,

I am good.

I feel like you are,

too.

It’s October,

the end of October,

scarf and flannel season.

I washed and prepped,

the warm Winter things,

I have many of your scarves,

your favourites,

some I will wear,

but, most I keep,

because,

they remind me of you.

You are with me,

you live,

in my memories,

in my heart.

My dearest mom.

Later girls,

BB

By Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my mid early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

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