Please, no flowers

Hello all,

sorry,

for the quiet of late,

BB,

is in prep mode,

for the surgery,

you know.

So…

a combination,

of reaching for Zen.

and,

freaking out

🙂

This morning,

the hospital,

called,

I have an appointment,

for the pre op tests,

that means the op,

will follow,

soon,

after,

I’m good with that,

I mean I’m scared,

shitless,

but,

good with that,

you know?

I have been writing,

a lot,

I have taken a bunch,

of pics,

I have done lots,

of research about,

hormones,

things to eat,

while,

recovering,

that sort of thing.

I imagine,

all of us,

handle it differently,

the waiting.

Some pray,

I guess,

some,

haul up by themselves,

me?

well,

I talk about it,

I write about it,

I obsess about it,

until,

I can get,

my head,

my heart,

around it,

control,

my reactions,

it is my process,

it is my way,

I don’t advocate it being,

anyone else’s way,

it’s just mine,

I reach in,

I reach out,

I get every bit of info,

I can,

I fill in the variables,

and then,

I am ready,

doesn’t mean the outcome,

will be what,

I planned,

or how,

I envisioned,

it,

but,

once I have my picture,

in place,

my equation,

‘solved’,

I’m good.

On Friday,

I will ask more questions,

and,

then I will be good to go.

I have read,

the booklet the hospital,

gave me,

three times,

I know what to bring,

what to expect,

I know,

to tell people,

loved ones,

friends,

no flowers.

Apparently,

they are dangerous for infection,

not so much,

for me,

I expect,

I’m not sick,

but,

some people,

who share the wing,

have some,

badass cancer shit going on,

so no flowers,

please.

Later girls,

BB