Thoughts on Fences

Winner GLBT Category.

Feeling much better.

Hoping all of you,

are in fine,

form,

and spirits.

Fall,

the season of,

contradiction and turnarounds,

from the crisp air and clear blue skies,

to the chill you,

to the bone,

wind and rain.

I have been taking lots,

of photos,

learning.

Just as I noticed,

I take lots of pics,

of me and mom and the dude,

I also seem to have a propensity,

to photograph,

gates, fences, bars.

I both,

like and loath,

them.

Yes,

that is a contradiction,

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.

Walt Whitman

see, good company:-)

I like the look of them,

I like the privacy,

they can procure,

the necessary quiet,

they bring.

But,

I also loath,

the robbed freedom,

they,

can,

represent.

Like the old,

Cole Porter song,

Don’t Fence Me In.

been listening to Ella sing that one on a loop, these last few days

I have also been reading,

Thoreau’s Walden.

All seem to be connected.

Fences, isolation,

and their importance,

to our personal space.

I am a social animal,

who craves time,

with my thoughts,

to quiet and sort them.

The social part,

has allowed me to build,

relationships,

that feed me.

I do not suffer,

loneliness,

and rarely boredom.

I do however acknowledge,

that I am lucky in,

this,

not everyone has friends,

just as not everyone,

has had the freedom,

of personal choices that I have.

Reading Thoreau,

it strikes me,

that:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Still…

it is a little bit different than,

in Thoreau’s time,

but,

just a little,

we all allow ourselves to be,

trapped,

we willingly,

indenture ourselves,

to work,

to credit card companies,

to a lifestyle,

to wanting what everyone else,

has,

wants.

It is very powerful,

the pull,

of consumption,

the need to fit in.

Even us ole butches,

feel it

🙂

But,

resistance need not be futile.

Walk your own path,

acquire what makes you happy,

but,

think about,

what,

really makes you happy,

brings you joy,

makes your life easier,

keeps you warm,

keeps you safe,

expands your mind,

broadens your horizons,

or just makes you smile.

Thoreau is a deep guy,

a little dour for my taste,

but,

he has much to teach,

all of us.

This has been a week of feeling,

fences and barriers.

I have imposed a face book fast,

on myself.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship,

with face book.

I love the fact,

that it has afforded me,

the opportunity to reconnect,

with people from my past,

it has also allowed me to ‘meet’,

like minded people,

connect with people all over the globe,

positive things indeed.

On the not so positive side,

it has sucked up tons of time,

reading time,

creative time,

sleeping time,

that part isn’t so bad,

procrastination,

is a part of my nature,

but,

what I really don’t like,

about social media,

is that along with genuine connection,

comes this false sense,

of connection,

which is actually,

the,

filling of voids.

We all have voids to fill,

we all compensate,

justify,

prevaricate,

whatever,

to fill the holes,

we have in our lives,

our psyches.

That false sense of connection,

of intimacy,

and figuring out the difference,

between real and false,

that,

I don’t like.

I don’t like the fact that,

things are put out there,

criticized, analysed, discarded in,

no time at all,

that people express an opinion without,

having time to,

truly,

reflect and form one,

that knee jerk reaction,

emotionally based,

beside the pointism,

screaming from the void,

takes over.

I believe,

even the most reflective and calm people,

succumb to that,

not a good thing.

I have my voids,

and,

I don’t think,

I realized until this week,

that spending lots of time,

on face book,

had been an attempt,

to plug up,

the voids.

In the last two years,

my life has been through,

constant change,

some of it,

self-directed,

some of it the fickle finger of fate.

Closing my bookstore,

the right decision,

brought enormous changes,

both professionally,

and socially,

it left me rudderless,

work wise,

for a while,

and,

mostly,

it left an enormous social hole,

the sense of back and forth,

intelligent discourse,

about,

books,

art,

the state of the world,

etc,

it was hard losing that,

but,

I still had Friday night dinners,

with my anarchist,

we kept each other sharp,

it was always,

fun and stimulating and informative,

our discourse,

we both had our strengths,

knowledge wise,

and although,

we didn’t see eye to eye,

on everything,

we respected each other,

we didn’t partake in,

disingenuous

argumentation,

we wore no masks.

I miss that,

more than I can say,

I fear I may,

for the rest of my life.

Face book,

can be a good diversion,

a good place to get different points of view,

but,

it is very much a place of masks,

of fences,

of hiding behind keyboards,

and,

avatars,

everyone has their reasons,

for hiding,

for safety,

protection,

hidden agenda,

whatever.

I don’t want or need that in my life.

I have wonderful,

and,

close relationships,

I am working on making me,

a better me,

leaner, healthier, stronger,

kinder,

and,

the knee jerk reactionary,

that face book brings out,

in me,

I don’t like.

Face book isn’t to blame,

my allowing myself to be fenced in,

is.

So this week,

is a week of wandering, thinking, working,

no fences or gates,

except in pictures and keeping the bod alive.

Thanks for reading my weird stream of consciousness,

rant,

musing,

rambling.

Be well.

Later girls,

BB