Consider the source

Winner GLBT category.

I have been battling,

sinus attacks,

for almost two weeks now.

It’s difficult,

headaches,

wonky concentration,

but,

the cold is gone,

and,

the sinuses are improving.

I have spent lots of time,

on photo culling,

keeping what works for me,

and,

my project and,

trashing,

lots,

fascinating process.

While doing this,

I have noticed a few things,

about my photo taking,

proclivities,

lots of neighbourhood pics,

lots of pics of mom and Dude,

my ‘captive’ subjects,

and tons of pics,

of,

well…

me.

🙂

Does this mean,

I am a vain egomaniac?

or,

Is it simply the reflection of my project,

an illustration of my world,

with me,

obviously,

at it’s centre?

I suspect,

a little of both.

I will go on taking pictures of myself,

it is an important tool in tracking,

the evolutionary process.

Most of the pictures,

have been taken in the past year,

since I got the smartphone and the cameras,

I have quite a few photos,

in my bookstore,

out and about town,

taken by friends,

amateur or professional photographers,

I like some of them,

very much.

What I’ve noticed most,

is that even though,

I have aged,

in the past,

five years or so,

and,

slimmed,

end of the line,

I look the same to me.

What has changed,

is my level of comfort,

in front of the camera.

I used to freak and run away from the camera,

fearing the reflection of the ‘big’ woman.

But now,

I am as comfortable in front,

of the camera,

as behind it,

as if,

my showing,

myself,

helps me to see,

my world and others,

better,

clearer.

I have no way of knowing,

if this could have been the case,

all along,

since photography,

is a relatively new,

passion,

hobby,

endeavour.

I do know,

that since I am slimmer,

by no means slim, just to be clear

people perceive me differently.

I have also noticed,

that as I get older,

I seem to fade from peoples,

notice,

easier,

that can be a very good thing,

when taking pictures.

But, mostly,

I have noticed,

that I care what I feel,

and think,

about the world,

also that what a select group,

of people,

who I love, like, respect,

think about me,

my pics,

my writing,

but,

that I trust myself,

most,

in gaging,

if something is good to,

my eye,

my ‘ear’,

and,

that I welcome,

feedback,

criticism,

appreciative or otherwise,

and instruction on the basics,

of photography,

which I have no where near a grasp of, yet,

but,

I trust myself most,

because,

I don’t lie to myself,

I know who I am,

I am much less self-deprecating,

than I used to be,

but,

I am,

by no means,

a ra ra about my stuff.

I enjoy the building.

I am in a good place,

of confidence,

and,

joy.

For years,

I used to tell people,

Consider the source,

I don’t know where I stole that from,

and,

intellectually,

I believed -that.

Consider who the criticism is coming from,

what their agenda or motives are,

consider after reasoning things through,

and informing yourself,

if the the source need be considered as,

credible.

I think that,

now,

as I am about to embark,

on what will be,

my fiftieth year,

I get it.

Build your knowledge,

build your life,

surround yourself,

with people who help you,

in that process,

and, who you help with theirs as well.

but,

mostly consider the source,

use both critical thinking,

and gut feeling

because your gut is built on your experiences, too,

and,

keep learning,

experiencing,

growing,

life is too short to worry about,

fools, bitter people and or morons.

If you have done the work and keep doing it,

you will like and trust yourself,

which leads you to seeing things clearer.

These are just some meandering thoughts,

I am having right now.

Thanks for reading.

Later girls,

BB