grey and windy.

I’ve been fussing,

with how to approach,

the liquidation scheme,

for the bookstore.

Rotten time of year,

for sales,

or foot traffic,


requires marinating,

back of the fridge,

for a few days


I was chatting with a friend,

just now,



like me,

is going through,

an existential crisis,

maybe it’s a midlife thing,

we are the same age,

after all,

middle aged,


The thing is,

I think we are both,

being hard,

on ourselves,

in our definitions,

of success,

of failure.

I guess,

without meaning to,

we all buy into,

this thing-

at a certain age,

you should have acheived,

certain things,

you should have,

certain material comforts,

certain expertise,

you should be,



I seem to be none of those,


I’m always broke,


I have no idea,

what I want to do with,

the rest of my life.

I lack structure,

I lack focus,


you know,

I don’t lack hope,

wind and grey don’t scare me,


I think maturity,


being a grown up,

may be,

over rated.


I have been wondering,

while the marinating,

takes place,

what I might do,

once the bookstore is gone.

I don’t mean to earn a living,

I don’t really worry about that,

I imagine I’ll find a job,

I’m not looking for a career.

I’d like to write about,

the experience,

of running the bookstore,

seeing the changes,

in the book business,

perhaps even the end,

of the book business,

as we have known it.

Fascinating really,

the rapid changes the world,

has seen in the last few years.

I look forward to reading free books,

from the library,

having time for me,

this is an end,


it’s also a beginning.

My friend says my blog,

is ‘so fuckin’ emotional’,

I’m not sure,

if he means that,

in a good way,


the thing is,

it’s me,

the bookish butch,

part ofΒ me,


you know,

I think I’ll keep it that way.


In the next few days,

I’ll write about the first volume of,

Emma Goldman’s memoirs,

Living My Life,


a detective-y novel that my love,

gave me.

Later girls,







4 Replies to “Windy day, windy times”

  1. BB: hmmmmm. My thoughts are with you. It’s a long road back through history that tells us we’re supposed to know what we to do with our life as if somehow, doing the work of living it isn’t enough, as if, somehow being who we are, and being good (how ever that might be defined) is not enough.

    The book business is a tough and changing business. You are very brave to have been part of it, and a huge decision to change it. Transition time, huh? Are you….going to write about it? πŸ˜‰

  2. Frances, thank you for your kind words. I feel better and better about my decision to close. Yes, I think I am going to write about, I sort of have been with these posts, haven’t I? Some days, I think I will bore everyone to tears with all this and I don’t wish to get maudlin about it, but, I also think that many of us face these same kinds of challenges. So to answer your question, yes, I will write about it, the challenges, the questioning, the pain and the sense of lightness, also, that comes from finally taking the step.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *