Summer program Good day to you all. I've been busy, lots, bubbling, in that, caldron mind, of mine. I have been, reading, reflecting, praying, spent time in the company, of friends, went on a recent road trip. Spring is finally here, rainy, chilly, but, also sunny and hopeful. Been thinking, what I will do this Summer, my part time gig is on hiatus in the Summer I would like to take some time, to work on various projects, and not just squander the time away, or work at some crappy job, rest, relax, recharge but not squander. I want to read more and write more. I have a long reading list, fiction, history, theology, biography. I find I read less than I used to, I spend lots of time on social media, I consider connection to people, live and virtual, important, essential, but, I need to step away from the screen, much more often. And I will. I also want to spend more time, walking, contemplating, in peaceful settings. Part of writing, to me, requires- quiet Most of my life is quite, social. I love to talk, I love to discuss, I love to learn and argue. I love people. I also yearn for silent time, on my own. So the Spring and Summer program, for the blog, will be, to write three times a week. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. The plan, is to write one post, on a spiritual theme, one on reading, one on what has got me, thinking, grumbling, cheering, my basic rambling blog. Today is the 1 st of May, I love May, it is my birth month, it is a beautiful month, of flowers, of hope, a month of longer light. Happy May day, you all, dear comrades Be well Later girls, BB *Summer Reading list: 1.The Lonely City by Olivia Laing 2.Into The Silence by Wade Davis 3.Hold Still by Sally Mann 4.The Disciple: On Becoming Truly Human by Lucy Peppiatt 5.The Atheist Delusion by Davis Bentley Hart 6.Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan 7.A Concise History of the Crusades by Thomas F Madden 8.Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis 9.Miracles by C.S Lewis 10.The Portable Chekhov by Anton Chekhov 11.Antic Hay by Aldous Huxley 12.The Hidden Life Of Trees by Peter Wohlleben 13.Empire Falls by Richard Russo 14.The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*** by Mark Manson 15.Books and You by W.Somerset Maughan 16.God On Mute by Pete Grieg
Spirit, Faith and Leonard Cohen
Good Morning all,
Hope you are keeping,
warm and dry.
The weather mid April,
here in,
my beautiful ugly,
has been ferocious,
cold, windy,
unrelenting.
To paraphrase a friend of mine,
we don’t really,
have four seasons,
in Montreal,
Spring is but a blip,
a,
Will Winter never end??
kind of situation
long sigh of the longing for warmth and sunshine variety
I’ve been busy, work, study, socializing.
I’ve been doing lots of reading,
the bible, theology, stuff on prayer.
I had no idea, when I began my ,
spiritual quest,
just how much time,
I would spend reading, learning,
contemplating and praying,
it takes up lots of time,
and,
honestly,
I wish I had even more time,
to devote to it,
but,
you know, work, life,
must go on.
Work is weird,
I like lots of it,
and other parts,
are kind of exasperating.
I believe that is true of all work
Since, I work for a community center,
that is non profit,
there is often,
a lack of funds.
I work with wonderful people,
hard working,
devoted to helping people,
to making the world,
a better,
more egalitarian place,
and,
I tell ya:
that ain’t nothing.
I have fewer hours,
this term,
so I will have time,
to write,
to contemplate,
to devote to my ongoing,
discipleship.
I am very conscious of the fact that using that word, freaks some of you out, that isn’t my intention, I am merely sharing, my quest, my journey, to and through faith. If any of this comes off as preachy, apologies.
The other day,
I was at the museum of contemporary art,
it was the last weekend of,
The Leonard Cohen exhibit,
There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.
I was leaning, against the wall,
watching, recorded performances,
spanning several decades,
some of Cohen’s great songs,
Bird On A Wire,
First We Take Manhattan,
Suzanne,
and many more,
but, while hearing a version of Hallelujah,
a song that has unfortunately been over recorded
I had a flash over my favorite lyric in that song,
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya.
At different times in my life,
this has meant different things to me,
it has been about love,
about friendship,
about grief, and loss,
and at this point in my life,
in my quest,
it is about,
faith.
Great art, great artists,
add meaning and texture,
to your life,
great songs,
great writing,
flesh out,
the soundtrack,
the script,
of our lives.
I appreciate you’re reading my words and ramblings.
Be well you all
Later girls,
BB
the stillness and the feeling of…
Good afternoon, you all, today is Saturday, the Saturday before Easter, Holy Saturday. I did something this week, that I have never done, before, that I hope to do, again. I spent all night, in my church. From 7 PM on Thursday, to 6 AM on Friday. First, there was music, singing, beautiful, melancholic. and then numbers, dwindled. I had company, I spent time, chatting, praying, reading, I read all, the gospel of John. I prayed by myself, I prayed with friends, in person, and on face time, around 4 AM, I was tired, but, I could not sleep. I never felt alone, or lonely, or afraid. Our church is in, the center of the city, surrounded by bars, and restaurants, a police station, across, the street. It is a neighbourhood, of great affluence, and commercial activity, and, also of hardship, and abject poverty, of homelessness, of opulence. It is to me, the very epitome, of what I refer to, affectionately, as, the beautiful ugly. Within the stillness of, the sanctuary, especially near, the stained glass, windows, I heard screams, of joy, of anger, sirens and horns, laughter. Thursday night, bar crawling, a long weekend, dawning. But, in me, perfect peace. It is hard to describe, how, I feel in that place, cradled in ... love As the sun rose, we left, M and I, she was driving home, and I took the metro. Practically empty, were the subway, and, the streets, I came into my quiet, apartment, mom asleep in her room, I slipped into bed, and slept. It was wonderful. I wish for all of you, the stillness, the peace, the feeling of love, cradling you. Happy Easter, a blessed Passover Later girls, BB
I wonder what he would say…
Good morning lovely people,
I hope this missive finds you all,
well.
We have been,
getting signs and even,
days of Spring,
here in my beautiful ugly.
Bright sun, windy,
coldish days,
but it feels like,
old man Winter is about to,
give way to barely walking,
Spring.
I love the Spring,
it isn’t as magnificent here as,
other places,
I’m sure,
but,
it is the end of ,
the cold,
the dark,
the dangerously slippery.
Spring is about,
hope,
and life.
I love Spring.
I also have lots of,
complex memories,
about Spring,
my dad died in the Spring,
my two best friends,
were born in the Spring,
I spent a whole Spring,
three years ago,
recovering from major surgery.
Lots of competing emotions,
make me feel,
at times,
raw,
at times,
euphoric.
This Spring finds me happy,
with challenging work,
that may or may not,
lead to something more,
permanent.
So much to learn,
always.
My church occupies,
more and more,
of my time.
That is a good thing.
I love the people I interact with,
at church,
through church.
I feel at home there,
appreciated and that,
my contributions,
can enrich the community.
I have felt love and friendship,
at church.
I have gotten spiritual,
sustenance.
I continue to explore,
to read,
to question,
to develop and build,
a relationship with God.
Last year,
at this time,
I figured I would go through,
the bible once and I would,
have a good understanding,
a handle on it.
That was both incredibly,
naive,
and a little bit,
arrogant,
on my part.
It really isn’t that simple.
I have,
through all this,
felt,
that my exploration,
my faith,
has purpose.
To my life and greater purpose,
as well.
Purpose is vital.
I have found part of,
my purpose at St-Jax’s.
Being a multi dimensional,
human being,
purpose can,
no, must!
come from various sources:
work, family, friendship, community.
I have been blessed in this life,
in family,
in friendship,
in love.
Today, is the birthday,
of my wonderful departed friend,
the anarchist,
I can only wonder what he would think,
about my beliefs, my exploration.
Those of you who knew him,
know he called himself an,
atheist.
Above all else he was a good friend,
who listened, who heard,
who argued and loved,
He would have torn down,
lame arguments,
and forced me to be better,
to be stronger.
He respected me,
as I respected him.
He loved me,
I loved him.
Friendship is a precious thing.
I do wonder what he would have said…
Be well you all.
Later girls,
BB
Blogs like life need..
Hello all.
It’s been a while, I know.
I’ve been busy, lots going on,
lots on my mind ,
and frankly,
I’ve been wondering,
if this is still,
the place to share ,
my thoughts and ramblings.
My friend, Pierre(computer virtuoso extraordinaire)
has been trying to get me to,
make changes to the structure,
of the blog,
and,
well, I didn’t.
Neglect? Lassitude?
Who knows.
But, yesterday,
when issues manifested themselves,
and,
thoughts of losing,
all of bookish butch,
reared their heads,
I got scared,
I didn’t want to lose it,
this little blog of mine,
I’m gonna let it shine
has meant a lot to me,
for many years.
It has been a safe place,
to,
vent, share, grow,
it gave me a voice,
when I felt I had none.
Through it I met,
wonderful people,
in the real and virtual world,
and,
I want it to keep,
evolving,
progressing,
aging,
with me.
This is the new look-
it isn’t very different,
but, a little, nonetheless.
I like it.
It needs tweaking,
like everything in life,
including, life,
itself,
it is a work in progress.
I am a work in progress.
So here’s to tweaking, progress,
keeping on.
Be well, you all.
Later girls,
BB
Revisionist history might just keep us sane
Good morning all,
hope you are all,
well.
I know it's been a while.
Not sure my writer's block is,
cured,
but,
something has been gnawing,
at the back of my mind,
for weeks.
I don't know if this ever,
happens to you:
someone says something,
that bugs you,
it isn't anything big,
or fighting words,
it's an assumption,
about you,
about your life,
or about your culture,
your city.
They make a sweeping generalization,
they think they know.
To be perfectly honest,
I am confident that I
do this kind of oafish thing,
all the time.
People make remarks,
they think are helpful,
they offer sympathy,
when no sympathy,
is required,
they tell you the truth,
about your past,
about your family,
they correct your memories.
The thing is,
we need to,
remember,
the good stuff,
forget the less... good.
We need to forgive,
it's healthy,
it's sanity.
Some of us might even need,
to construct and create,
to quote John Lennon:
Honestly, the truth isn't,
always, all,
that it is cracked up,
to be.
Some people have such bad,
memories, such horror,
they invent, they fantasize,
they anchor themselves to,
whatever they find,
whatever they come up with,
and who are we to cut the line?
If people,
get up,
go to work,
pay their taxes,
don't hurt others,
don't hurt themselves,
make it through the nights,
then who are we to tell them,
the TRUTH
Sometimes, people, need us to listen,
to offer a shoulder, an ear.
It is human nature,
to try and fix things,
to try and help,
that is a good thing,
but, sometimes all that is,
required is,
letting people believe,
their truth
Be well, all of you.
Later girls,
BB
reading directions and musings
Good morning you all. Happy New Year!! Apologies, for such late New Year wishes, but, I have been very busy. Technically, perfectly alright, to wish each other happy new year, until the end of January, so we're good I had lots of time off, before, during Christmas, and, well into the New Year. I spent a lot of time, with friends, with my mother, we binge watched, a lot of older television, this year it was, five seasons of, Big Love on Crave TV, we loved it, complex imperfect characters, living a complex imperfect life, throw in some, complex imperfect religion, Mormonism in all it's, odd permutations. A really fascinating show, with some first class performances, check it out, if people and religion are, spheres of interest. Top notch, IMHO. I also spent lots of time, reading, I read Allan Cumming's memoir, Not My Father's Son, brilliant and touching, also very hard, especially for those of us, who have had, imperfect relationships with, our fathers, most of us, I think. I read The Fur Person, by May Sarton, a delightful book, about a cat, by someone who, loves and understands them. A terrific book. I made it through most of, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F***. A millennial take on the self help book, it's not bad, a little bit crude, but, that is intentional, a wake up call, it definitely has it's merit. I am now reading The Lonely City, by Olivia Laing, part memoir, part essay, about the link between, loneliness, solitude, and creativity, another good one. I read Pete Grieg's follow up to, Red Moon Rising. Dirty Glory. Pete Grieg is the founder of 24-7, a world wide prayer movement, he is an enthusiastic man, who has been through lots. I admire his determination, and strong faith. He has doubt like everyone, but, he is a rock. I have also spent much time, in bible reading, bible study, comparing different translations, learning the history, the poetry, the theology. When I embarked on my journey, a year ago, I had no idea just how, complex and fascinating it was. I also have a new task at work, teaching arithmetic to people, in the literacy program, it is early days, but, I love it, it is fun, rewarding, uses my talents and pushes, me to surpass myself, while helping others, discover tools that allow them, to believe in themselves, wow, great stuff. So, that is what I have been doing, these lasts few weeks. I have also had a really bad case, of writer's block, I am praying, for it to evaporate, soon. Be well you all. Later girls, BB
Thoughts on a year ending and one about to start
Hello all. Hope your holidays have been, joyful and restful. I also hope that your year has been, fulfilling and interesting. Mine was pretty darn good, on the whole. Last year around this date, I wrote of resolutions, and, of new avenues of explorations. I said that 2017 would be a year, to search for meaning, and, it has been. I intended to be more involved, politically, with Projet Montreal, and to do my bit, to have our first female mayor elected, and, yes, we did it:-) I had a tiny part to play, a small contribution, and I am massively pleased, with the outcome. Less so locally here in my 'hood, but, Big picture, woo hoo, as we say here, Valérie a la Mairie!! A big highlight for my year, 2017- the year we made history.I have also spent a lot of time, exploring faith. I have been, attending church, at St-Jax's,
regularly since late January 2017. I have learned much. I have met so many wonderful people. Faith works for me, in many ways but, I still, have tons of questions, and I have doubt, I don't see that as a problem, I don't think my pastor does, either. This is why I love my church, open, modern, appreciative of differences, patient and unorthodox, they are a quirky bunch, with big hearts, and curious minds. I intend to keep working at it. In 2018, I will keep attending, keep reading the bible, I am almost all the way through it. Much of it, still, confounds and confuses me, but, I do believe, the exploration is, still, most worthy of my time, and that, my search for meaning, travels down this path. Last year, I resolved to read more, to write more, both in a deeper, and more meaningful way. I have read more slowly, and I have read things, that require reflection. But my words, my voice, a lot of... silence, in that area, but, I know it will return. As seems to be the case, in the past five years, my job trajectory has been, weird. I have learned much, I have been presented, with many challenges. I have risen to some, and declined others. I must have faith in, my abilities, I must trust that things, will work out and that, I need to not obsess over, things. So 2017, has been... a good year. I really look forward to, the new one. I wish you all a wonderful, New Year. Many it be filled with, love, good health, good cheer, passion, purpose, and fun. Happy New Year! Bring it on!!! Be well, be strong Later girls, BB p.s this is last years New Year's post http://bookishbutch.com/?p=5057
Gone fishing
Good afternoon everyone, hope you are all well. I haven't been around much, of late. Writer's block, a pretty bad case I have tried, but my mind is elsewhere, it is unfocused, confused, distracted, and cranky. The other day I went shopping, couldn't find what I wanted, I was frustrated, and sad. Last night, I went for a walk in the cold, with my bestie and before leaving, I noticed my fake fur hat and warm gloves, were missing. Obviously, I lost them. I've looked everywhere, and have come to the conclusion, that I must have lost them Monday, when shopping and sad. Tuesday was mild and rainy, so, no warm hat and gloves, required. I know, it isn't, the end of the world, I have others but, this isn't me, I don't lose stuff. I am distracted. I feel tired, I feel sad, I feel cranky, and I am confused as to why. So, I am taking some time off. No blogging or writing, a minimum of social media, until the New Year. Want to spend time with, family, friends, get my head on straight I want to wish all of you, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy time off. And a most blessed New Year Until we meet again, May your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmas(ses) be white Be well Later girls, BB
Change is brewing
Hello all. Last week, I was going to write, a post, on style, the evolution of personal style, with age, with life. I was about halfway through, and then something- a noise, a call, I don't know what, distracted me, and then I lost the thread, that happens with writing, you are pounding away and, then a noise, a fly, weird taste to your coffee, an invading thought, and you are toast, not another word comes, dry well!! You can blame it on, someone else. Noisy bloody neighbours, dish washing mother, but, in the end, it's a foggy idea, a vague notion of what you, really thought you wanted to say. Truth is, sometimes we force, ourselves to write because, it's been a while, and, sometimes it works, other times, really not. Last week, was one of those times. I don't think, what I had to say, about style was ground breaking, or even, new, so, no big loss, onwards and upwards. The month of October has been, gorgeous, here in our beautiful ugly. Warm and mostly sunny, kind of odd for Montreal, but, definitely enjoyable. At the beginning of the month, I felt strong and positive, happy, as the month has progressed, I have felt weaker and more, emotionally raw. This happens to me, in the Fall, or so my mother says. Little things bug me, throw me off my game. My new gig is good, but, last week, after an off night, I doubted myself, was I good enough? could I do this? Of course, I am Of course, I can Fact is I think a combination, of confidence and doubt, kindness and humour, perseverance and flexibility, are required, keys to understanding, to living your life, well, living my life. My confidence and patience, both with myself, and other people, have been off lately, change is hard, growth is hard and painful, wallowing and bitching, are the easy way out. Through the changes, through the mistakes, we all have to find, time for gratitude. For health, for family, for friends, for love, for the passions, that inhabit us. The world is a frustrating place, politics can be wacko, we live in an age, where misinformed belligerence, passes for an opinion. But, there are wonderful, people working hard, to make the world a better, fairer more joyful place. I want to keep an open heart. So I wrote this a few weeks ago, it has stayed in my draft box, since, unfinished... This is the time of year, where I reflect on the past year. This year has a lot to recommend it, a year of involvement, political, spiritual. A year that on the whole, has been: positive. A year of changes, spits and spurts. The end of some things, beginnings of others, some great starts, some mistakes. All this to say- I think that I can, no longer refer to, Bookish butch, as a blog about books and life. I have another domain, that I reserved about a year, ago, called butchesbrew.com I will be launching that in, January 2018, it will be about things, cultural, in a very wide sense. My take on, books, films, tv, social media, fashion. It will feature photography, and lots more. I haven't worked it all out yet, but, it is my intention to do collaborations, giveaways etc. Bookish butch will remain, as, my virtual column, my journal. About my life, my views on religion, politics, aging, my everyday, struggles and triumphs. So I will be taking some time off to concentrate, elaborate. Figure out how to pull it off. I will follow my gingerbread crumbs back to where I need and want to be. Hopefully you can all accompany me Be well, all of you. So grateful for all of you. Later girls, BB