Bookish Butch

Hello All, hope you are all well,
gearing up,
for the Christmas season,
and not very long after,
the New Year.

As you know, I loathe November,
but, December, well, 
I like December,
Advent, Christmas, 
the music, the food,
family time, church,
warm fuzzy feelings,
I love December.

It's been a rough month,
I have had migraines,
I have quit two jobs,
I have been confused,
I have prayed for guidance.

I have spent the last few months,
doing lots of reading,
of scripture, of theology,
growing in knowledge,
of my faith, 
also growing in confusion,
as to what I am called to do,
what God is calling me to do.

In the past couple of weeks,
it has become clear to me,
that I have been,
wasting,
my time and my gifts,
in the work that I do.

I sort of ignored it,
and that's when the migraines,
hit, big time.

So, I quit the first job,
felt less stress,
got another job,
figured it would be ok,
it was for a day or so,
and then wacko headache,
blinding pain.

So, now, I have embarked on,
a new journey,
for the next couple,
of months,
at least.

I want to use my gifts,
for writing,
for speaking,
I want to combine them,
I want to develop them,
I want to hone them.

I don't expect it to be easy,
I don't need it to be easy,
I want it to have meaning,
I want it to make a difference,
in my life,
in the lives of others,
I want to share my journey,
my particular perspective,
because I believe,
a tapestry of perspectives,
is required.
In growth,
In life,
In faith.

I am blessed,
have been,
and remain so,
in my entourage,
my mother,
my girlfriend,
my bff,
my church friends,
some of whom, 
have become family.

Thank you all, readers and everyone else,
for reading, for listening, for being there.

Be well, God Bless

Later girls,
BB

If you like November,
and,
the coming of Winter,
fine, 
everyone marches to,
their own drummer.

I loathe, November,
it isn't mild dislike,
loathing.

I know many wonderful people,
born in November,
people I love dearly.

November is also a month,
where dear loved ones,
have gone.
My most beloved grand-maman,
on November 1 st.

She has been gone more than twenty years and,
yesterday I was talking about her, 
my voice cracked and tears welled in my eyes,
November makes me sad, makes me long, or the past.
Which is silly the past is no better than the now or the tomorrow,
my mind, knows that but, my heart...

I loathe November, it makes me feel cold,
it makes me feel old,
it makes me feel vulnerable.

November makes me grumpy,
November makes me worry,
for the future,
In November I often make,
wonky decisions.

But, I'm a big girl, I live with 'em

November is grey,
cold, damp,
without the charm, joy,
and hope of December and January.
November sucks

Enough said.

Be well you all.
Later, girls,
BB

Good afternoon you all.

Hope all is well with all of you.

This has been a busy and a bit of,

an odd Summer.

I have travelled,

well, my version, day trips and excursions over the border,

quite delightful, baseball games, beer, seeing towns, museums,

undiscovered country,  spending time with my bff.

I have also visited with family,

been on rides to the country,

soaked in a little nature.

I wish it would be cooler so mom and I,

could hop around the city,

but, I guess that is what ,

late September and October will be about.

Walking for long distances,

has also been difficult,

scorching heat, not great in the city.

 

My work situation has been complicated,

but, now seems on the way to resolution.

I had expected to work at the English worshops,

again,

but, the proposed schedule and amount of hours,

just not doable for me,

we are parting ways on the best of terms.

 

So, that left my current part time gig,

which I am ok with,

the pay sucks but the people are nice,

the work is hard.

I have a line on something else,

pays better, more flexibility,

fingers crossed.

The work I do receives little respect,

people say rude things, gratuitously.

What happened to civility,

basic,

garden variety,

manners??

I ask myself that question,

several times a week.

But, what bothers me more,

is when people I know,

acquaintances mostly,

permit themselves to question,

my life choices,

permit themselves to judge,

to denigrate even,

my work,

my beliefs.

 

Faith,

if you have it,

you are considered a bit of a nutter,

a knuckledragging Cro Magnon,

who doesn’t believe in knowledge,

science, reason.

If you believe in God,

if you attend church,

practice a religion,

practice makes perfect

You are suspect, deluded, even,

this is the common amongst secular views.

But, I would also say that the religious side,

also has judgy views,

about what makes people good Christians etc.

about the interpretation of scriptures, holy texts.

I see it as:

the clash of the Orthodoxies.

And it doesn’t only apply to religion,

it is political as well,

good liberals believe X,

good conservatives believe Y,

and never the two shall meet.

Honestly, I think that orthodoxy,

and narrow minded one camp thinking,

is what divides the world,

contributes to “us against them” crap,

that leads to hate,

to war,

to violence,

and destruction,

of our planet,

our world.

Trying to find common ground,

walking in another’s shoes,

working hard on banishing judgyness,

and respecting others,

not happiness, joy,

and eventual bliss.

 

I have been thinking a lot,

about this subject,

I have been angry and hurt about it,

which is why it took so long,

to begin to formulate cohesive thought.

I still need to cogitate on this,

much food for thought.

Enjoy the waning Summer my friends ,

and,

the coming Fall,

my favourite of all seasons

Be well.

Later girls,

BB

Hello all, hope you are,
surviving the heat.
We have had some major oppressive,
heat,
here in Montreal,
scorching,
leading up to the 1 st of July,
Canada Day,
and the week following,
wow, killer,
45 degrees Celsius with the Humidex.
Dangerous weather,
a constant need to stay,
hydrated and cool, 
people can die.
Drink lots of water, people.

When it's that hot,
I get cranky,
everyone does,
we don't sleep well,
we don't have much of an,
appetite.
Annoying situations,
easily,
degenerate,
I think Spike Lee's film,
Do The Right Thing,
illustrates that, 
perfectly.

That really isn't the right time,
to have passionate disagreements,
on text message or on Face Book.

In the last three years,
I have had,
major disagreements,
with two friends and a good,
acquaintance,
on Face Book.
Heat wave notwithstanding,
the first two, were not in Summer,

Face Book, did not create,
the disagreements, the situations,
but, social media did exacerbate it.

Here's my theory, which you might,
think is hogwash,
or a lame attempt at justification.

Social Media,
can bring out great things in people,
it helps in connecting with people,
all over the world,
it mobilizes people to action.
It helps publicize situations,
injustices, good causes,
it helps break isolation.

It can also, reinforce mob mentalities,
people are convicted and,
drawn and quartered,
figuratively-
obviously
without ever being tried.
Just as it can be an instrument,
for good,
It also magnifies, amplifies peoples faults
It brings out the petty,
in all of us,
people end up,
'saying' things in nasty ways,
in feeble attempts at witticism,
and scoring points, 
tabulated by likes.

Sometimes, we forget our manners,
common courtesy, civility, even,
sometimes we cross lines that ought,
never to be crossed.
But, that is the last straw,
there usually has been a whole,
series of events that lead to the,
thing that drove you batty,
and made you unfriend and block.

Maybe it's me, maybe others don't,
experience this, but, I sort of doubt it.

All this to say, there are some things,
I cannot tolerate,
hatred of any kind,
masquerading as... whatever.
I have a low tolerance for sarcasm,
for condescension, I don't like to,
play mind games or hurt people's feelings.
I am far from perfect,
I do however expect friends to cut me slack,
as I do for them.

As someone who is rarely part of groups,
I fear mob mentality,
and have real issues with smug righteousness.
I wrestle long and hard with myself,
about my motives, my prejudices,I try to overcome,
to grow.

So this is how I have been feeling lately,
hot, pissed off about some things,
and very happy and grateful about other things.

Be well

Later girls,
BB

Hello all,
hope all is well.
It's summer here,
in my beautiful ugly.
This weekend is supposed,
to be a scorcher, but, so far,
the weather has been fine.

I am taking a little time off,
vacation,
hanging around the city.
Reading, resting, 
spending time with mom,
with friends.

My vacation to,
Upstate New York,
was wonderful,
really helped me relax.
It was gorgeous.

On this past Sunday,
I gave my talk,
at my beloved St-Jax's.
The creative team asked me,
a few months ago,
I accepted because,
I felt I had something to,
share and that just maybe,
it would speak to someone else.

I worked on it,
it was very much,
a 'from the heart' talk.
As I mentioned in my previous post,
I was nervous about the talk.
I am always nervous about,
speaking in public.

Since last weekend was,
a long weekend,
here in Québec,
La St-Jean, la fete nationale
the first of two,
this week is Canada day
I expected a small crowd,
vacation size.
I had invited mom,
and my bff to be there,
a couple of friends who,
I invited accepted,
a few refused,
it's okay,
some people really have,
issues with churches,
I get that, really.

It was a fair size crowd,
I felt a lot of love,
support, interest.
I was prayed for,
before,
most people arrived.

My friends at church,
the pastors,
they are good people,
open minded, kind,
they like me,
I like them.

Sometimes, I feel responsible,
for representing gays, lesbians.
That's not something,
I feel I am qualified to,
really do, I am just me.
But, just like people came out,
in the 80's, 90's etc,
it's important for people,
to see,
that their,
brothers, sisters, tailors,
hairdressers, mechanics,
favorite Olympian,
neighborhood jerk,
and the person who sits,
next to them at church, 
are perhaps,
gay,
or as the younger crowd puts it,
queer.

Personally, I like to be known,
for me, not because I am gay,
or a Québécoise or an Anglo.
But, I am not naive enough,
to think that people don't,
make snap judgments based,
on appearance, attire.
So,if I can contribute to,
the good reputation of,
the LGBTQ community, and to,
the Christian community,
I am down with that
A Christian gay person,
who is taken at face value.
Wow,
I am lucky, to live here,
in my beautiful ugly,
and to have found the perfect church,
for me.

Thank you,
for reading my ramblings.
More to come, soon

Be well, you all
Later, girls
BB

Hello you all,

apologies for being away for so long.

I have been super busy.

The end of the term at the community center.

Both my English conversation,

and,

my numeracy classes are done.

I may go back in September,

it’s all a bit up in the air, which is fine.

Will happen what will happen.

Que sera sera

For now,

I am taking time off,

a couple of weeks.

My work is done.

Things at church are going to calm down,

for the Summer.

Alpha is done this week,

back in September I expect.

A few of us are getting together,

a bible study group.

My talk is written and submitted,

now all I have to do is,

deliver it.

I’m a little nervous about that,

I admit.

My church, means a lot to me,

it’s important that all go well.

I have great faith that it will.

I am riding a wave of gratitude,

mellowness, right now.

I just got back from a mini vacation,

my bff’s birthday present to me.

We drove to Upstate New York,

went to Cooperstown,

to the Baseball Hall Of Fame,

which is absolutely wonderful,

even if,

you aren’t a baseball fanatic,

the history, the importance of baseball,

culturally speaking.

So much to see,

I loved it.

Brought back many memories,

of childhood and adolescence,

the Expos, sigh.

Gary Carter, Andre Dawson, Tim Raines,

all in the hall, on the wall of plaques.

I loved Gary Carter, it was emotional,

to see his plaque,

Jackie Robinson,

who played with our Royals ,

before he integrated the big league,

with the Brooklyn Dodgers,

way before my time but a part of our history.

The room on Women’s baseball,

the Negros leagues.

The Hall of Fame,

is a place of joy and history.

The photo gallery and art exhibit,

are marvelous.

Cooperstown is a small town,

very nice.

We saw many lovely small towns,

driving up to Cooperstown,

some have fallen on hard times,

but the people are nice,

and you sense resilience.

Lake George is gorgeous,

the Adirondacks are truly beautiful,

it was so good to get away,

see different things,

spend time with my best friend,

the view of Lake Oswego as you,

emerged from the motel room,

wow.

This is a really good time in my life.

I will tell you all about my talk next week.

Until then, enjoy the sunshine.

Be well

Later girls,

BB