This morning,

I was out, picking up supplies,

for a project,

for work.

I was on our main drag,

here in Verdun,

Wellington street.

I was indulging in a coffee,

I was making a video,

for Facebook.

I was getting some air,

and sunshine,

before the scorching,

weather,

manifested itself.

And I saw the,

Sushi time sign.

Instantly,

I was salivating.

I have had many,

cravings,

during the pandemic,

for food,

for spontaneity,

for company,

for hugs,

for sex,

for on tap beer,

for museum visits.

For lunch on my own,

with a book,

and a bunch of strangers,

in a food court,

having,

Lebanese food,

Sushi,

Pho soup.

I only seem to eat,

these foods,

when I am out,

and about,

shopping,

hanging out,

with myself.

I will remember,

the Covid era,

as one of great,

personal,

growth,

professionally,

creatively,

and in more,

intimate ways.

Some lights,

have gone on,

and lit,

unknown trails,

undiscovered countries,

slow throbbing cravings.

What a ride it is,

eh?

Take care everyone.

Later girls,

BB

Good evening, everyone,

hope your day has been,

pleasant, sunny, happy.

Been muggy here,

in my beautiful ugly.

but, now the air is cool,

and a gentle rain is falling.

The neighbours were having,

a noisy,

day long,

birthday party.

Concentrating to write,

was tough,

also I was distracted,

I was chatting with,

someone special.

🙂

I decided to wait and see,

what spoke to me,

something that would be,

worthy of a blog post.

and then something screamed…

All week I looked forward to,

the annual Pride celebration,

from our beautiful,

Anglican Cathedral,

here in,

downtown Montreal.

Good friends of mine,

supremely talented folks,

had worked so hard,

to migrate an elaborate,

church celebration,

complete with choir,

and chorus,

on to,

a digital platform.

Lots of social media,

sharing, talking to people.

Invitations and Pride for our Pride.

Was going on.

Pride will be a very discreet thing,

for Montreal this year.

For me this was a high point.

I sat in front of my laptop,

looked forward to this,

opportunity to hang together,

LGBTQ and their allies.

It started wonderfully,

the gay men’s chorus,

sang(each from their homes)

a song from Dear Evan Hansen,

You will be found,

Ben Platt, Laura Dreyfuss, …Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?Well, let that lonely feeling wash away
Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay
‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your handAnd oh, someone will coming running
And I know, they’ll take you homeEven when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
And when you’re broken on the ground
You will be foundSo let the sun come streaming in
‘Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again
Lift your head and look around
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be foundHave you…

an ode to resilience and love,

it was beautiful,

I had tears in my eyes.

We have strength,

we have love,

we are better,

because we are diverse.

Strong and Free.

We are all the beautiful,

colours and hues of the,

rainbow.

And then some hackers…

got into our Zoom room,

and said hateful things,

stupid things and pathetic things,

laughable things,

but, also, hurtful things.

The planning team ,

got a handle on it,

very quickly.

And we got back on track.

A wonderful poem,

Pied Beauty 

BY GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS

Glory be to God for dappled things –
   For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
      For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
   Landscape plotted and pieced – fold, fallow, and plough;
      And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
   Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
      With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
                                Praise him.

An inspiring sermon.

Lots of beauty.

A celebration of who,

we are,

that blip, that glitch,

of Hate.

That is so far from what,

Montreal is,

what Christ Church Cathedral is,

what my fellow Anglicans are.

These haters put a damper on the mood,

another way in which Covid has,

altered our year.

Taken away our usual.

But, we finished,

a little stunned,

but, still here.

We are going nowhere,

we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

We are here and queer.

Loud and Proud.

Have a great one.

I love you all

Later gilrs,

BB

• 

Happy Sunday,

Happy Sabbath.

It’s grey and rainy,

here in my beautiful ugly.

I am sitting here in my pj’s,

enjoying my tea,

enjoying the breeze,

the sweet smell of rain in the air,

I am,

reflecting on the past week.

Hi chubbyness,

is acting up,

it won’t last,

he’s a good boy.

I’m thinking what,

a crazy year,

this has been.

Covid 19,

the end of a relationship,

the hope and joy,

of romance,

of new love,

a new job,

the end of ,

said romance,

the difficulty,

of accepting,

the end,

the rejection,

the hurt.

Accepting,

that I can’t control,

certain things is,

tough for me,

I expect it’s,

hard for many of you.

We may wish to,

accept the things we cannot change,

but, in reality,

it takes work.

Fighting with ourselves,

prayer,

resigning ourselves,

accepting,

forgiving,

ourselves,

others,

and ultimately,

growing.

I wish I was,

someone who cries,

I believe it would ,

accelerate,

the getting through,

things,

process.

But, of course,

I can’t be sure of that,

not really.

This year,

has been arduous,

in so many ways,

magical in a few,

creative and oh so stimulating,

in still others.

Happiness,

comes to those who are grateful,

for what they have,

and for what they have had.

I am grateful for all the love,

and opportunity that carries me.

I am grateful for the gift of,

family,friends,health,

a decent brain,

good hair,

and an easy smile.

I am grateful for this,

mature age,

and this knowledge,

that what doesn’t kill you,

makes you stronger.

If you can survive the death,

of loved one,

of dearest friends,

than you can most assuredly move on,

from a love affair,

no matter how much hope,

and joy it held.

There is much joy,

in the world,

there is also much pain,

the key,

I think is to search for one,

while wading your way,

through the other.

Be well you all.

Stay safe,

wear your mask,

be kind to each other.

Later girls,

BB

Good morning all,

it’s a gorgeous,

Saturday morning,

here,

in my beautiful ugly.

The sky is blue,

the sun is shinning,

the birdies are singing,

and the cat is sleeping,

all is well with the world.

Today is the first day of August.

In Montreal,

August is Pride month.

Pride,

is when,

more even,than the rest of the year,

we celebrate our,

uniqueness,

our diversity,

we celebrate,

the pretty and flamboyant,

colours of our rainbow.

Often,

I have been asked,

why are Pride celebrations necessary?

People are people,

why should distinctions,

be made?

Although this,

comes from a good place,

mostly,

it also comes from,

an incredibly,

naive place,

a disconnected view,

of the world.

There are also,

those who ask

why isn’t there hetero pride?

This comes from a,

disconnected,

and slightly angry place,

the same place as,

the men’s rights movement,

the same place as the,

All Lives Matter people.

It used to make,

my blood boil,

when people wished ,

they could celebrate,

being straight.

How clueless,

could they be???

The whole world,

is set up for white,

straight people,

all of it,

if you think that is,

an overstatement,

you need to take a,

good long look,

in your mirror,

and adjust your,

privilege blind spot,

we all have them, sort of.

I grew up Gay,

I was not ostracized,

by my family,

I was who I was,

I was lucky enough,

to be born and raised,

in a civilized city,

in a mostly civilized,

country.

I suffered very little,

overt homophobia,

with me it was more,

not having ,

role models,

rarely seeing,

women like me,

reflected in,

the movies,

on television,

in the media,

when there were,

lesbians,

they rarely came,

to a good end,

in fact,

they often died,

a violent death,

and they never,

got the girl,

ever.

This began to change,

as I became an adult,

there were more,

people living honest,

open lives,

expressing that we were,

no better and no worse,

than anyone else.

I was never forced to,

live my life,

in the closet.

But,

I have never taken,

my right to marry,

for granted,

because it is relatively,

recent and,

periodically some,

conservative noise,

is made of a possible,

defense of marriage,

BS.

I am grateful to those,

who put their reputations,

their livelyhoods,

and often lives ,

in danger,

so that we could be free er.

Just as women’s rights,

have come a long way,

so have gay rights,

but we aren’t there yet,

and the rights of our,

Trans gendered,

sisters and brothers,

are really not there.

That’s why Pride,

is necessary,

that’s why protests,

are necessary,

I hope that some day,

all of us can be loud and proud,

of whatever and whoever,

we are.

———-

Be well,

stay safe,

wear your masks,

be kind to each other.

I love you all.

Later girls,

BB

p.s expect more stuff on Pride

Good morning everyone.

I hope you are all well,

keeping cool.

Another scorching Sunday,

here,

in my beautiful ugly.

I was thinking earlier,

as I drank my tea, about,

how different my Sundays,

are since Covid.

Covid has taken away,

my Sunday,

rituals.

Since January of 2016,

I have gone to church,

every Sunday,

pretty much.

I got up early,

showered,

dressed in my version,

of Sunday best,

rain or shine,

snow or sleet,

hot or cold,

I either took,

the metro,

or walked to church.

Mornings,

I didn’t feel like it,

were few and far between.

I loved the quiet walk,

the nearly empty metro,

on a day of rest.

*On the sleepin’ city sidewalks,

I walked taking my time,

alone, with my thoughts,

my prayers.

I would arrive at my church,

usually early,

I would sit,

I would talk with,

members of my community,

at St-Jax’s,

where I used to go,

I would drink coffee,

at Epiphany where,

I now go,

I would sit in the pew,

behind Theresa,

and we would,

go over our week,

we would talk about,

upcoming dinners,

events,

about her great grandchildren,

she is over ninety,

Theresa,

she is my friend,

she is my sister.

Since Covid,

put us all into,

confinement.

Epiphany has been,

meeting on Saturday afternoons,

I like that,

I come back from,

my walk with Jenna,

mom and I have lunch,

and at 1h30,

we do Zoom church.

I have been invited,

to many Sunday,

online services,

I have attended,

a few,

watched a dear friend,

preach about ,

Black Lives Matter.

Earlier in our confinement,

I heard an excellent sermon,

on Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not ^[a]want.
² He makes me to lie down in ^[b]green pastures;
He leads me beside the ^[c]still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will ^[d]dwell in the house of the Lord
^[e]Forever.

I love the language of Psalm 23,

it is the most famous,

of the psalms,

most people,

churched or unchurched,

are familiar with at least,

part of that psalm.

So since Covid,

no church,

just quiet, meditative time.

I don’t miss God time,

everyday I have God time.

I miss my peeps,

I miss the gathering,

as a community,

I miss dressing,

perfuming,

I miss my quiet me time,

right before being ,

enfolded in the loving arms,

of my church.

I miss the best of Sunday,

and Sunday best.

Stay safe, stay hydrated,

wear a mask.

Much love to you all.

Later girls,

BB

*a line from Sunday morning sidewalk by Kris Kristofferson

Good morning everyone,

it’s July, still hot af,

this is a recurring ,

maybe even constant theme,

in our lives here in,

my beautiful ugly,

July hot af,

February cold af,

when you are in the af zone,

a few degrees more or less,

…

oh well.

I have had a notion in my head,

for a while.

Working class….

To me this means,

good, sturdy, honest, real,

not showy, not cheap,

working week,

Sunday best.

To me working class,

is the memory of my,

grandparents,

two of the best people,

I have ever known.

Working class,

is dignity, fatigue,

it’s not flashy or showy.

So, working class is good.

Working class is,

Red Rose tea,

Rolling Rock beer.

Working class is my DNA,

Working class,

is the music of,

Springsteen,

Bon Jovi,

Johnny Cash,

it’s Woody Guthrie,

it’s rooting for the habs,

it’s walking the streets,

where walk the ghosts of,

our industrial past.

It’s chicken and pork chops,

its cookies and apples,

it’s jeans and boots,

it’s shorts and tees,

it’s ball caps and backpacks,

It’s shooting the shit,

with Andre on the balcony,

after doing the dinner dishes,

balconville.

It’s TV and sitting with the cat,

it’s looking over at mom,

and suggesting a snack.

It’s everyday.

It’s reading before bed,

it’s sweet dreams, baby.

It’s my good shirt for church,

it’s Earl Grey special day,

Guinness at the bar,

it’s pie and roast chicken on Sunday.

It’s date night and a movie.

It’s Working week and Sunday Best*,

to quote Jennifer and paraphrase Auden.

It’s the blood that,

runs through my veins.

—————————-

Be well, stay safe,

stay hydrated,

wear a mask.

Later girls,

BB

*W.H Auden-Funeral Blues-

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Hello everyone,

hope the weather,

is as pleasant,

where you are,

as here,

in my beautiful ugly.

Sweet and breezy,

some storm clouds,

on the horizon but,

cool,

is,

so good.

The Summer of Covid,

no lack of interesting,

happenings,

twists and turns.

I don’t know,

if I mentioned this,

might have, might not,

anyway,

I joined a dating site,

Silver Singles,

for the over 50 crowd.

It’s not strictly over 50,

there are a few women,

in their late 40’s.

All these mature,

women looking for,

other mature women,

well in the section I am looking in

long story short,

too late, as my bff says:-)

Friday evening,

I have a date,

it’s an outdoor art installation,

masks will be worn,

so pretty much,

the safest,

date possibility,

in this Covid conscious world.

So yesterday,

my hair,

was looking a little,

shaggy around the ears,

and since I want to look,

my best for Friday.

I pull out the clipper,

I commence the trimming,

the clipper goes rogue,

and chomps up,

a patch of hair!

It was bad,

and not something,

you can easily fix.

In fact,

I had two options:

attempt a mohawk,

not gonna happen,

or go almost bald buzz.

I was pissed,

but, what you gonna do, right?

So, I buzzed it off.

This is the shortest,

it has been,

ever.

Once I had finished,

buzzing it off.

I contemplated,

cancelling the date.

Who’s gonna want to,

go on a date,

with a bald butch,

right?

And then I thought,

I will wear a cap,

and will write to her,

to explain the mishap.

She was absolutely lovely,

about it.

I wear caps all the time,

but, never have I worn,

a cap,

on an evening date.

Mind you,

My last live,

first date,

goes back,

a number of years.

I was in a long term,

relationship,

for a long time.

Recently,

I had a long distance,

romance.

So, no live dates,

nice dates, romantic dates,

but not live ones.

This one will be,

right here in,

my beautiful ugly.

In the Gay Village,

or as we refer to it,

the Village.

My hair is the shortest,

it has ever been,

the shortest of short,

military cuts.

I am thinking,

why not go,

without a cap?

Depending on the heat,

sun,

whatever.

In this Summer,

of chances,

of exploration,

this Summer of Covid,

why not be me,

without any,

pretense?

you can’t hide behind hair,

when you have no hair.

Food for thought.

Stay safe, Stay Hydrated,

wear a mask

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

• 

Good morning you all.

Hope your week,

has been wonderful.

Grey and stormy here today,

in my beautiful ugly.

The thunder woke me,

this morning,

but, the drop in,

barometric pressure,

is a Godsend for my knee.

Georgie is sitting,

looking out the window.

He’s been quiet lately.

I am not complaining.

Been a very busy week,

lots of work,

lots of thoughts,

and stimulation.

Oh what a strange Summer it’s been!

And, still…

No end in sight,

to the weirdness.

The Summer of 2020,

the Summer of Covid.

It’s the Summer,

everything got,

cancelled,

no Jazzfest, no anything,

no Pride.

Those of you who know me,

or have been,

reading me for a while,

probably know,

I don’t like crowds.

Parades = crowds,

so parades not really,

my thing.

I go to the Pride parade,

every few years,

when something important,

is happening,

the year Prime Minister Trudeau,

first marched in our parade,

2016,

first time a Prime Minister did,

that was important,

a moment I will never forget.

• 

The following year,

the Gay Prime Minister of Ireland,

Leo Varadkar in Canada on a state visit,

marched with his husband,

and Prime Minister,

Trudeau,

and the mayor of Montreal,

Valerie Plante.

that was pretty amazing too.

I haven’t been since then.

I love the community day,

when you see and hear,

the choral groups,

the zumba,

the volleyball,

the gay archives,

the trans support groups,

and more,

when all the,

political parties,

civic groups,

and,

some churches,

Mine:-)

come out and tell,

us Queer types,

how much they love us.

It’s a chance to see,

that not all,

gay people,

are the same.

We really do represent,

a whole a rainbow.

Like the population,

in general,

we are young,

we are old,

we are middle aged,

we come in all shades,

we come in all shapes,

and sizes,

we speak,

French, English,

Arab, Bengali,

Italian, Greek,

Spanish,

Creole,

Vietnamese,

Hebrew,

Urdu…

We walk with canes,

we are in wheelchairs,

we are everywhere,

we are everyone.

We are conservative,

we are liberal,

we are progressive,

we are radical,

we are gay,

we are lesbian,

we are bisexual,

we are trans,

we are queer,

we are not straight,

we have straight,

allies.

We are out,

we are proud,

some of us,

are ashamed,

some of us,

are in the closet,

some of us are,

persecuted,

some of us think,

marriage equality is the end of,

our struggle.

We sure have,

come a long way,

but, we aren’t there,

not yet….

And yet…

I know I was born on third base,

and have no illusions,

about my batting abilities*

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

Barry Switzer Brainy quotes

I was born in a peaceful country,

into a loving intelligent,

family.

I was born white,

which should not make,

a difference but does.

Are there people with more,

privilege than I?

Duh!

But, do I have lots,

to complain about?

Nope.

I miss discussions,

over beers,

in bars,

I miss walking in,

crowded streets,

when Pride time,

comes around,

I will miss walking down,

my beloved Ste-Catherine st,

and feeling, knowing,

that on this day,

I am with my people.

I will miss strutting,

dancing,

to whatever,

the song of the Summer,

will be.

I will miss Pride,

I will miss being,

the norm,

just for a few hours,

and then happily return,

to being,

the cool freak,

that I am.

Wink.

These are my,

rambling thoughts ,

for today.

Stay safe, stay hydrated,

wear a mask.

Be kind to yourselves,

and each other.

Be well you all.

Later girls,

BB

Good afternoon you all,

it’s Sunday late afternoon here in,

my beautiful ugly.

We have had roasting hot weather,

this week,

sweltering and brutal.

Mom and I have been relatively ok,

we stay indoors in the AC.

The days are a little boring,

and working from home,

in a smallish place,

is a challenge,

but, what you gonna do:-)

We have a home,

good food,

AC, health and each other,

that is much more,

than many,

do.

I have been thinking a lot,

about,

racism, privilege, and national myths,

lately,

I suspect many of you have,

as well.

The horror that is race relations,

south of the border,

has a tendency to bring out,

the smug in us,

Canadians.

We are so busy looking at,

the shit show that is,

the Trump presidency,

where,

everything we love,

about our neighbours,

and let us not kid ourselves, we love plenty about, our American neighbours/cousins.

seems to be melting,

like the north pole with global warming.

But it isn’t,

millions of Americans,

are incensed, saddened and furious,

about the state of their democracy.

And want to take it back…

Millions more believe,

that making America great again,

means crushing the hopes of people,

means halting immigration,

to millions of people it means,

keeping America,

white.

But, America is not white,

America is a tapestry,

that goes,

from soft pink to ebony black,

with every shade of warm earth tone,

in between.

At this point in American history,

good people need to rise up,

protest, vote and if need be,

revolt, snatch the power from,

the few who enslave and manipulate.

We, Canadians,

do not face the gun violence,

the lack of safety nets,

we have state health care,

and so many other wonderful things.

But, if we believe that all Canadians,

are treated equally before the law,

that all Canadians receive,

the same quality of education,

and I mean public education,

they are maintaining and feeding,

the myths that we are not racists,

that we all have equal opportunity,

that the military and the police,

work for us.

The myth that women,

have equal rights,

the myth that there is no racial profiling,

and that indigenous girls and women,

just disappear,

All nations,

all people have myths,

about our nobility,

by which we mean superiority,

and we need to get real.

Myths are great stories,

we tell ourselves,

and they are just that,

stories.

We need to change the world narrative.

We need to get freaking real.

Therein endeth the rant.

to be continued

Be well you all,

stay safe, stay hydrated, wear your mask.

Later girls,

BB