Looking back, Looking forward, what a year

It’s a cold bright morning,

here in my beautiful ugly,

it’s often really cold on,

New Year’s eve.

It’s been an eventful year,

a year like no other.

But, really,

what year is like another?

Personally it’s been hard,

for a number of reasons,

as a person who thrives,

being around people,

wow, really hard.

Sure Zoom has been,

a Godsend but nothing,

is quite like spending time,

with people.

I managed to get,

my people fix,

by walking with a friend,

having dinner regularly,

with bff,

beer or coffee,

with my pal.

Most of us live alone,

have kept social distance,

or done outside walking.

But, it’s cold now,

that makes it harder to go out,

we want to cocoon,

but, we need the oxygen,

we need to move,

we need to go outside.

————————-

I miss my mother,

I miss the things about her,

I loved,

I miss the things about her,

that drove me crazy.

I miss her presence,

her voice,

I miss her opinions,

I miss the piles of newspapers,

I miss her bathrobe hanging,

on the hook,

on the bathroom door,

I miss her laughing at,

the Big Bang Theory,

I miss her backtalking to,

the news.

I miss her.

I miss kissing ,

the top of her head,

saying “you good, Ma?”

and her saying “sure”,

or “you worry too much”

My faith helps me,

I feel she is good.

I am really mostly ok.

The loss of mom,

the social changes,

hard stuff.

But, there has also been,

good things.

A job I really like,

personal growth,

deepening frienships,

knowing people better.

It’s been a year of endings,

and a year of beginnings.

A long term relationship,

ended,

a new relationship was born.

Ending a relationship,

always comprises,

hurt and sadness.

New relationships,

are exciting and challenging.

Long distance relationships,

are the hardest,

distance and creating,

intimacy are not easy,

miscommunications,

in a text, email, phone call,

are even more frequent,

than in person.

I am a hot head,

but, I am working on,

trying to figure out,

what makes me react,

the way I do.

In 2021,

I look forward to,

new work challenges and experiences,

I look forward to,

learning new things,

both personal and professional.

I will learn and play,

chess.

I will learn and play,

the ukulele.

I will journal,

I will colour,

I will assemble puzzles.

I might even try my hand at,

crossword puzzles.

I will continue to try,

and make the world,

a better more caring place.

I will await my vaccine,

with impatient patience,

and look forward to hugging,

my friends, my family.

I will continue to miss Marthe.

I will continue to be mystified,

and delighted by,

my chubby ginger cat,

Georgie.

Bring on the New Year,

goodbye to 2020,

thanks for the good and the bad,

lessons learned.

Be well you all,

stay warm,

stay safe,

stay home.

Much love.

Later girls,

BB


By Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my mid early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

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