Kindness, more important than looks?

Cloudy and gray,

just in case you wanted to know.

Quiet Sunday ahead.

Food shopping, a visit to the green market and a walk by the river with a new friend.

I had a busy week,

 people were strange, preoccupied and not quite on.

Next week is bound to be different.

I hope.

I have been reading , writing and sleeping sporadically all week.

I had a major discussion the other day in the bookstore.

Ever feel like you are a Martian when you hear people speak on some subjects?

One of my friends, she knows who she is,

 would say being a Martian is a good thing,

Stranger In A Strange Land  and all, but,

sometimes it’s lonely as well.

Anyway, the discussion,

The topic was finding a potential mate, lover, whatever, via Internet dating services.

One of the girls was saying,

 that it’s really hard to find someone with whom you connect

on an intellectual basis.

I replied, of course it is your basing everything on a picture and a paragraph description.

Physical attraction rarely indicates intellectual and emotional compatibility.

At least that’s what I think.

This other woman who was in the bookstore said  that to her,

physical attractiveness was everything.

If she doesn’t find a man attractive and envisions sleeping with him in the near future,

there is no possible relationship.

I said but, that’s just physical,

 how do you know if he’s funny or smart or kind.

This woman says that physical tells you about lifestyle and compatibility.

So, here’s where I feel like a Martian,

 to me physical attraction grows with how

smart, interesting and kind a person is.

 Obviously, there can be no repugnance factor, but,

really it grows. 

A friend says that’s why I never get laid,

I have to know someone for months, sometimes years.

Honestly, I think my method is  flawed,

I have built relationships that I felt were

destined to work and they haven’t ,

so maybe the physical thing is most important.

But, I don’t think so.

What do you guys think?

Henry James a writer who I’m not really fond of, had a great quote:

“There are 3 things in life that are important;

the 1st is to be kind, the 2nd is to be kind

and the 3rd is to be kind”

Sex is an important, almost essential, part of life but,

 someone who makes you think, laugh,

who never bores you and,

 who is kind to children, old people and animals,

 that’s what I’m looking for.

I’ll keep plugging away.

Thanks for putting up with my midlife crisis ramblings.

Later girls


Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

2 thoughts on “Kindness, more important than looks?”

  1. I think it varies from relationship-to-relationship and is hellish complicated! I would say that, until my current relationship, I tended to be the kind of person who was attracted to the personality first and for whom physical attraction tended to follow later – grows as you say. This did lead to some disasters because I fell for people gradually and hardly realised it was happening until too late and then they didn’t want to “ruin the friendship”. Ouch, especially since the friendship was ruined anyway.

    I met my current partner over the internet through reading each other’s blogs and we had no intention of pursuing a romantic relationship until we met in person and realised we were violently attracted to each other. In this case, the sexual attraction was immediate and surprising. We are intellectually compatible, but sexual attraction is a very important part of our relationship.

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