Giovanni’s Room

Something strange,

is falling,

from the sky,

not really,

snow,

not really,

rain,

perhaps,

textured rain?

The Canadiens,

won on Tuesday,

but,

one of our best forwards,

was seriously injured,

the way he was hit,

he could have been,

killed,

ugly stuff,

there are limits,

the league should do,

something,

before someone dies.

I hate that,

it’s a contact sport,

not shuffleboard but,

this is insane,

it also gives Hockey,

a reputation,

as a barbaric sport.

It’s not,

it is,

an exciting, fast,

sport.

Our national pastime.

Been, an odd,

kind of week,

I’m tired and manic,

simultaneously.

Spring?

I’ve been thinking about,

Giovanni’s Room.

Sometimes,

when reading great works,

of literature,

what I call literature,

with a capital L,

I’m not sure,

I understand,

all that is being,

“said”,

and I don’t think,

it is necessarily,

important.

To me,

Giovanni’s Room,

is about coming to terms,

with loving,

someone of your own sex,

and how difficult,

that can be.

No matter that we live in a more accepting era, it is still difficult and sometimes heart wrenching, the pressure to conform is still massive.

David,

the protagonist,

has experimented with,

homosexuality,

from a young age.

Still a boy,

when he has a romance,

with Joey,

but,

he turns on Joey,

sees him as weak,

and bullies him.

It’s actually easier,

for him,

to be cruel,

than to accept,

that he is gay.

Says a lot,

about what we teach,

boys.

David moves to Paris,

to get away from,

his life,

his family.

He meets Hella,

a young American woman,

she is smart,

attractive,

and,

free.

Hella, goes to Spain,

basically,

to decide,

if she wants to be with David.

While, she is away,

he meets Giovanni,

and lives with him,

in his room.

David loves Giovanni,

but,

he is incapable of,

that love,

or so ,

he thinks.

Hella,

comes back and decides,

to marry David,

because,

to her a woman,

only becomes,

a woman,

through the eyes,

of a man.

Says a lot,

about,

what we teach girls.

Do we really think, it’s all that different today? Is De Beauvoir’s line about not being born a woman but, becoming one, a thing of the past? I wonder? 

This is a novel about,

discovery,

love,

betrayal,

and ultimately,

acceptance.

Hard to take,

for the rawness,

and honesty,

of it’s emotion.

I’m still amazed that,

Baldwin had,

to guts,

to say,

these things in 1956.

This is not a feel good book.

There is no happy ending.

But, David does find,

clarity.

This novel,

as do all works,

of naked truth,

shook me to my core.

I will never forget it.

Later girls,

BB

*I hope I didn’t give too much away*

On the genius of Baldwin and the promise of dating

I’m reading,

Giovanni’s Room,

it’s good,

no,

it’s great,

I have always admired,

Baldwin’s work,

strength,

indignation,

clear angry prose,

but,

this,

is genius,

dark,

pain,

clarity,

and insight,

And yet-when one begins to search for the crucial, the definitive moment, the moment      which changed all others, one finds one-self pressing, in great pain, through a maze of false signals and abpruptly locking doors

and this,

Perhaps he is a fool and a coward but almost everybody is one or the other and most people are both…he buttoned his wallet, locked his door, and retired into that strong self-pity which was perhaps, the only thing he had that really belonged to him.

I mentioned,

it was,

dark,

right?

Right now,

I can handle dark.

It feels like,

spring is coming,

I feel it,

in my fingers,

in my toes.

I’m feeling frisky,

and a little lonely.

I got a haircut,

polished my boots,

I’m feeling,

swagger,

dangerous swagger,

like I haven’t felt,

in years,

what is it they say,

about a woman’s sexual peak?

forties?

plenty of time left,

watch out,

you have been warned:-)

In the meantime,

I’ll keep reading,

oh,

and,

singing,

go figure,

bookish butch,

is giddy,

because,

one thing,

I should remember,

about the last few,

strange and brief,

experiences,

I’m dating again,

and it’s hard,

but,

nothing worth doing,

isn’t.

Later girls,

BB