My measuring of success

Well,

I don’t want to jinx things,

but,

things are moving according to plan.

Both Friday and Saturday,

were amazing days.

Lots of books sold,

piles and piles of books sold.

All clean up and clean out costs,

put aside,

and,

now I’m working on,

what I will have left over.

It won’t be enough to retire,

๐Ÿ˜›

or even take a year off,

but, what would I do with a year off, anyway:-)

I expect to take about,

six weeks off,

which is wonderful,

and,

then I expect to have enough,

so that I can work,

part time,

for the following six months,

or so.

Allow me to drift into,

the new job, project, career,

part of my life.

I have lived quite thriftily,

out of necessity,

over the past few years,

and,

I can go on doing so.

More important to me,

to have time and head space,

than money.

I am feeling much better,

about things,

I know,

I gave it everything I had.

It isn’t a failure,

it’s an evolution.

I don’t want to run,

a business,

anymore,

I don’t like the,

‘it’s not personal, it’s business’

mantra,

to me things are personal.

It’s how I live my life,

I’m not perfect,

so far from it,

but,

I believe,

I have honour and integrity,

I have to be able to look,

at myself,

in the mirror,

in the morning,

when I’m brushing my teeth,

and not be ashamed,

of the butch,

starring back at me.

I don’t care what justifications,

people use to enable them,

to cut,

the corners of their personal integrity,

I only care about mine.

Having a job,

earning your keep,

these are necessary,

and,

fine,

making barrels of money,

by,

talking the talk, walking the walk,

of,

‘it’s not personal, it’s business’

isn’t,

not for me.

Since, I don’t have much,

in the way of personal and financial,

obligations and responsibilities,

I don’t have to compromise myself,

I can make choices,

that I can live with,

and,

if that means making less,

and,

being ‘proud’ of myself,

I’ll be a happy butch.

I realise not everyone can afford,

the independence and let’s face it,

sometimes,

folly,

that have dictated my choices,

but,

I can,

and that means more to me,

much more,

than the conventional evaluation of,

success.

I don’t have much,

in the way of,

material manifestation,

to show for,

and,

I don’t care.

I am as free,

as one can be,

when one lives as a part of society,

and,

that is what I’ve always wanted,

not sure I always knew that,

but,

all the choices I have made,

without knowing it,

sometimes,

have been about and towards that.

It is personal,

and,

no it isn’t ‘business’

it’s my life.

Not sure if this makes sense to any of you,

but,

thanks for partaking in my ramblings

๐Ÿ™‚

Later girls,

BB

** I think it goes without saying, that I don’t think that all business is crooked and I think that a lot of people work hard with honour and integrity, it’s just that in this world of material success over everything else, I could no longer run the bookstore and survive, mom and pops on streets can’t survive selling books and such, they just can’t, consumerism and mega corporations have killed the small profit business, no profit is ever enough anymore. Maybe I will end up ‘running’ myself as a ‘product’ or a ‘business’ but, I won’t play the game**

Mini Update:-)

Crazy busy week.

The week started off,

with a massive,

March snow storm.

That wasn’t so great for business,

took two days to get back to normal.

Yesterday, there was a big fire,

right up,

the street,

so sad,

to see people,

lose their homes,

their belongings,

at least no-one was seriously injured.

It did put a serious monkey wrench,

into traffic around the bookstore,

so yesterday,

wasn’t what it should have been.

Today,

was wonderful,

sunny, glorious,

briskly cold,

but,

invigorating.

March,

you can feel Spring,

giving it the ole college try.

The days are longer,

the light is brighter,

and,

moods are more buoyant.

Fabulous day,

sold piles and piles of books.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

I hope you all will forgive,

my less frequent ramblings,

for a bit.

I’ve got a bookstore to liquidate:-)

Be well, girls.

Later girls,

BB

**so what do you all think of the header shot of Odile??**

 

 

Looking to Spring

Today is,

my second day off,

feeling pretty mellow,

well,

for me:-)

Listening to Cat Stevens,

I know,

what can I say?

I like old hippie music,

it soothes the savage butch.

I’ve been uber serious lately,

I’m thinking,

I’ve beenย bumming,

everyone out.

little black cloud butch, go home!

So today,

I thought I would share some,

silly and fun and hopefully inspiring,

Spring things,

fashion,

butch style,

kittens,

flowers,

you know Spring!

It ain’t Spring yet,

but,

it’s coming,

yeah baby:-P

A few things I would like to add,

to my spring clothing arsenal,

some this year,

some next,

as,

Operation Gut Reduction,

is an ongoing process,

’cause neither Rome,

nor this gut were built,

in a day.

Wink

Next Fall,

I plan on killing it,

in a tweed blazer,

not unlike,

one of my style icons

I won’t by wearing a tie,

BB don’t do ties,

still…

killer look,

herringbone tweed, chambray shirt, bandana hankie,

sweet.

Also loving this shade of jeans,

British Khaki, tobacco,

dark beige, light brown, saddle,

whatever name your favourite haberdasher,

uses to designate this colour,

it rocks,

slightly dressier and classier than,

blue jeans,

with the same sense of fun,

and,

rugged good looks,

to my mind,

very butch,

bookish and bohemian,

and,

yet,

traditional and prep,

has it all,

in the right cut and fit,

I think so,

Pinned Image

Of course I would wear socks,

I don’t get this sockless obsession,

good for sandals and boat shoes,

that’s it,

I don’t wear either,

so the only time,

you will find me,

sockless,

slippers or bed:-)

I also need a good shaker knit,

the one I have is ancient,

and,

big,

that’s a good thing,

so instead of my fall back,

navy blue,

I thought I’d mix it up,

a bit,

and,

find something like this,

Pinned Image

Love this shade of green,

always have,

I got into the habit,

of not wearing much green,

years ago,

was my ex’s favourite colour,

so I would avoid green,

and,

she would avoid blue,

so we wouldn’t look like,

the Bobsey twins,

no danger of that anymore,

we don’t look much alike,

anymore,

to me we never did, but, people have a superficial way of seeing people, brown hair, short hair, glasses, heavy set and of similar age for some people, spells: look alikes. Sorry, ramblin’

So I think more green,

it will match my whole,

wardrobe,

I like the look of blue and green,

not all of them,

but,

I only wear two or three,

shades of each,

and,

to me they look good.

The thing with style,

it isn’t what others are wearing,

that’s fashion,

or what the stores are pushing,

that’s trend.

Style is your own interpretation,

of all of the above,

what makes you feel,

good about yourself,

and,

the image you are putting forth,

to the world.

I think of myself,

as laid back,

bookish,

and,

butch,

with a bit of an edge,

but,

subtle,

not jagged,

I don’t want to look,

like everyone else,

but,

I don’t want to stand out,

too much.

that’s my style,

if that makes any sense.

and,

finally,

you were promised,

flowers,

Sunshine and greenery

seedlings and sapplings

Pure sweetness!

Kittens,

aaaahhhh:-)

Melt my heart

cats,

Bathwater

Bathwater

Calf and cat,

if that ain’t Spring I don’t know what is.

Check him out, getting it done!-waxed.cotton

Big dreams,

make us feel like pups all over again.

and,

yeah I know it’s cliche,

but,

I love

Les escaliers de Montmartre (1930)

in the Springtime

๐Ÿ™‚

Tell BB what you are looking forward to,

in the Spring,

wardrobe?

the smell of grass?

the warmth of the sunshine?

whatever it is,

share, ok?

Be well ladies.

Later girls,

BB

***all of these pictures come from my Pinterest page or Bathwater, my favourite picture blog***

***except for Menswear dog, of course****

๐Ÿ˜›

 

 

 

 

Anger, a Pope and ancient Anglers

Been a long hard week,

spent most of my week,

hormonal and angry,

not a great combination.

It seemed that every time,

someone expressed regret,

at my closing,

I felt either like crying,

or jumping down their throat.

Anyone who knows me,

or has read my blog,

for any lenght of time,

knows,

I don’t do crying,

nope,

can’t,

fatal butch flaw,

and,

anyone who knows me,

or again,

has read my blog,

for a while,

knows I don’t have,

violent tendencies,

I’m a reader not a fighter

๐Ÿ™‚

All this to say,

I’ve had a complex coctail,

of emotions,

pumping in my system,

cursed hormones,

haven’t blamed them in a while.

I’ve always prided,

myself,

on being a good communicator,

and,

yet,

this week…

yeah,

I’ve sucked at it.

I’ve managed to make everyone,

or at least that’s what it felt like,

uncomfortable and confused.

Thinking I was saying one thing,

and,

apparently not vehiculing those thoughts,

I apologise,

to all those who have,

been splattered with my confused mud,

mom,

of course,

my girl,

everyone.

I thought I had this decision,

and,

it’s execution,

well in hand,

maybe I’m shakier than I thought.

Today,

I rested,

and,

I feel better about what the next,

three weeks will hold.

I think I can,

I think I can.

I know I can

๐Ÿ™‚

Lots of interesting things,

have happened this week,

and,

I barely noticed.

Today I took time.

I got acquainted with the new Pope.

I’m not a Catholic,

or even religious,

in any real sense,

I think of myself as an agnostic.

That being said,

I live in Quebec,

I come from a long line,

of Catholics,

on my mother’s side.

French Canadian Catholics.

One of our Cardinals,

the Cardinal of Quebec,

was supposedly a front runner,

for the top job,

he didn’t ‘win’,

for this I am grateful,

he is in no way in touch,

with the society in which I live.

The man who was elected Pope,

is from Argentina,

and,

seems a man of great devotion,

and,

enormous contradiction.

I have no problem,

with contradiction,

all people to be truly,

interesting,

are bundles,

indeed,

masses,

of contradictions.

Pope Francis,

is a Jesuit,

who took the name of a Franciscan saint,

interesting.

He is a man who wants to help the poor,

and,

yet he is Pope,

which means he will live,

in,

opulent splendor.

He talks of changing the church,

and,

yet,

he is a conservative in doctrine.

Many contradictions.

I don’t expect the church,

to change it’s views,

on abortion,

that they object to it,

morally,

well,

ok,

I guess,

but,

contraception??

In 2013,

come on!

The place of women in the church?

Homosexuality?

Tolerance and non interference,

should be their mantra.

Is not the message of Christianity,

to love thy neighbour?

We shall see,

if this Pope,

can rise to the challenge,

of bringing the church,

into the 21 st century,

right now they are stuck,

in the dark ages.

I wish him luck,

for those,

who believe,

and need guidance.

I’m holding on,

and,

coming to terms with,

the end of,

the bookstore era.

Reading two books,

have helped me,

Walden,

I find great solace,

in Thoreau’s standing tall,

for what he believes.

The other book,

is Walton’s Compleat Angler,

a book about fly fishing and life,

written in the 17 th century.

Sometimes,

I think,

you need to turn,

to very old things,

to help you to the,

new.

Thanks for hanging in there with me,

and,

for reading my meandering,

and,

not too structured,

ramblings.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

Time change and looking forward to time

Monday is my day off,

well for now it is,

we’ll see what the future holds,

right?

๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t know if the time change,

has been giving you all,

a hard time,

but,

around here,

it’s been kicking our butts.

Mom is out of whack

and,

so am I.

Long working hours,

this week,

and,

a Saturday dinner,

with my favourite anarchist,

didn’t help with the sleep patterns,

but,

it sure brought my morale up.

What a treasure he is,

don’t know what I’d do without him,

I’d rather not think about that,

how I will see him less,

once the shop is closed

SNIFF

The numbers for this week,

are pretty amazing,

another week like that,

and,

maybe I could be out for April 1 st,

which would be excellent,

the landlord could rent for the 1 st.

I’ll try,

it would save me money,

and,

give me more time,

which is what I am craving,

time to walk,

time to sleep,

time to take mom,

to a movie or two,

time to write,

time to think,

without stress,

without money worries,

well,

for a little while anyway.

I’m gonna try,

it may be possible,

I won’t put pressure on myself,

enough of that,

worst case scenario,

I’m finished for April 15 th,

and,

that isn’t a problem.

Needless to say,

I haven’t much time,

or energy,

for anything ressembling,

serious,

reading,

or even light reading, when it comes to that

a few pages before sleep.

Still reading Sasoon,

fine writer,

love his stuff.

The Memoirs of a Fox Hunting Man,

brings you back,

to pre WW I times,

to an England,

that would be changed forever.

I have no doubt,

I will enjoy,

the second installment,

even more,

but,

I like this one.

Not very far in it,

the young George (Sassoon’s alter ego)

is a lonely sweet boy,

good thing he has Dixon,

the groom,

to show him about horses and hunting,

his Aunt Evelyn,

his guardian,

is a lovely woman but,

a little,

well,

clueless.

One thing you can be sure,

I will do,

once I get some time-

read,

in the parks,

in the cafes,

everywhere,

read,

whatever I feel like

๐Ÿ™‚

I hope the world,

and,

the time change,

is being kind to all of you.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

Inspiring, beautiful, quirky-brought to you by Pinterest

Pinned Image

Fitting…

given my current situation.

Pinned Image

Succintly beautiful and…true.

Judy Gorsky - 2009

There isn’t much,

I find sexier,

than a woman reading:-)

Pinned Image

This cat is gorgeous, the person who took the picture has a real feel and understanding of cats.

Weathering the storm.

Friendship, sharing, togetherness and games-doesn’t get much better than that:-)

Have a lovely Friday.

Big butchy virtual hug to all of you.

Later girls,

BB

On my way to the end and a new beginning:-)

Photo

This is picture of the bookstore,

vente fermeture,

means,

closing sale,

in French,

language laws in Quebec,

you must have French signage,

but,

everyone in Montreal,

knows what Fermeture means,

it means,

come in,

save money

๐Ÿ™‚

It’s been a very good week,

in terms of numbers,

I don’t know,

what,

I will walk away,

with,

but,

even it isn’t much,

I won’t owe,

which is a biggy.

I’m hoping for more,

than,

less,

we’ll see.

I need some vacation time,

and,

time to regroup.

I’ve been through,

the pre-grieving,

the coming to a difficult decision.

I’m comfortable,

with my decision,

it was,

making the best,

of,

some hard choices.

This week,

has been filled,

with people expressing regret,

at a neighbourhood institution,

dissapearing,

and,

lots of morbid curiosity,

as to,

what I will beย doing,

with myself.

I don’t know,

thus,

the regrouping time.

I’m not really worried,

I did other stuff,

before,

I’ll do other stuff,

again.

Life is like that,

a series of ends,

and,

of new beginnings.

A lot of people,

who used to buy books,

from my store,

and,

who do less so,

now,

for whatever reason,

different reading means,

ordering on line,

being in hurry,

not having time to browse,

etc, etc, etc,

seem particularly perplex,

as to why,

I’m closing,

it’s not complicated,

in order to cover overhead,

I have to sell lots of books.

I sell books,

quite a bit,

but,

not enough,

not anymore.

There are many reasons,

some of the previously mentionned ones,

and,

undoubtedly,

some faults lie with me,

maybe,

I don’t know books,

as well as I thought,

maybe,

I don’t stock what they need.

We live in a disposable,

go, go, go,

society,

maybe,

there is no room,

for the neighbourhood bookstore,

anymore,

maybe.

As someone who for years,

was thrilled,

at having one in the neighbourhood,

who patronised it,

and,

promoted it,

and,

later on,

ran it,

I can’t help but, feel,

that as we lose these sorts,

of mom and pop businesses,

we lose,

lots.

Sure, Costco and Walmart are cheaper,

sure they provide jobs,

all this is true,

but,

paying less isn’t everything,

having a sense of home,

knowing who you are,

personal touch,

being advised by a reader,

not a ‘clerk’,

these things are also important.

I see the effects,

in the book business,

but,

I think it applies,

to everything,

the Thai take out chain,

replacing the family run,

lunch counter,

buying Chinese garlic,

because it’s cheaper and more accessible,

in our grocery chains,

then is our own home grown.

I understand why people,

grow stuff on their balconies,

more and more,

and,

why hipster ‘old fashioned’ burger joints,

are all the rage,

people want what they used to have,

but,

sometimes,

if they looked up,

from the iphones,

ipads,

tablets and laptops,

that we are,

most of us,

obsessed with,

they would see that some,

of the old fashioned is still around,

but,

rapidly dissapearing.

I will miss my little place,

I will miss being,

a gathering place,

for fun,

for intelligent conversation,

to talk about books,

to talk about politics,

and,

the state of the world.

I can only hope that someone,

will take up,

the gauntlet,

I wasn’t strong enough,

to do it anymore,

I’m on to other things,

whatever those things,

may be

๐Ÿ™‚

Later girls,

BB

*** btw, I like Amazon as much as the next butch:-P they are very good, they always have what I want, good suggestions and reader reviews, top notch and their prices can’t be beat***

this article started a big discussion with a good friend who pointed out the irony of Huffington Post publishing it, he’s right, but, this article, broughtย a big lump to my throat, well worth reading, wether you own a bookstore or not:-P

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-hill/bookstores_b_2808396.html

Yep, Bowling

The first few days of liquidation,

have gone quite well.

I admit,

I was crazy nervous about it,

but,

it turned out well,

let’s hope it keeps up

๐Ÿ™‚

People walk in off the street,

and,

seem pretty sad to see me go.

People say the darndnest things,

when they don’t know what to say,

and,

they ask you all kinds of questions,

I mean people you don’t know,

customers I understand,

but,

local weirdo types,

what business is it,

of theirs,

what I’m going to do,

after.

Things are moving along,

had a nice time,

yesterday,

a family outing,

we all went bowling,

yep,

bowling and pizza afterwards,

fun time with the kids.

I wanted you all to know,

I’m doing fine,

and,

things are progressing.

I’ve messed something up,

on my blog template,

I’m sure it’s nothing to fix,

but,

so far,

not working:-)

I might take,

a bit,

of a break,

might not,

but,

obviously I’ve got a lot,

on my mind.

I’ll keep you all posted,

be well, stay well.

Later girls,

BB