Respect your choices

canadian blog awards

Winner 2013 LGBT category

 

Fuck it.  I often hear of people who hate their jobs but feel like it’s too late to change.  If you’re reading this, you’ve probably got more working years ahead of you than behind you.  If you aren’t happy, just say fuck it and leave.  You’ll never make the drastic change you want with the safety net of a shitty job.  I knew I couldn’t be an investment banker and have the life I wanted.  When I left, I had no idea what I was going to do for money.  But I figured it out.  Trust me, you will too.

I read this on Tumblr, today, and it sums up so much, what I believe. It’s borrowed from a blog called Lifestyle of the unemployed.

For the past few months,

you may all know,

I have been working,

as a survey monkey,

it’s part time,

the pay sucks,

but,

strangely enough,

I like it.

I am a rock star,

at it,

and,

it does offer certain rewards,

I work with,

a bunch,

of weird,

interesting people,

I talk to hundreds of people,

a week,

all over the country,

I work four hours a night.

I don’t feel obligation,

I could quit,

anytime,

but,

I stay,

for the time being,

it suits,

me,

just fine.

Do I wish it payed,

a few bucks more,

an hour?

Duh?

Of course I do,

am I willing to give up,

my time, my energy,

my creative time,

for a few bucks more?

Nope.

I’m lucky, I manage,

in great part,

because of the,

continued,

unwavering,

support,

of my mother.

I don’t think the leanness,

of my paychecks,

will go on forever,

but,

for the time being,

this is the path.

I know many people,

who are trapped in jobs,

many others,

who like their jobs,

jobs aren’t always,

about passion,

they are the means to an end.

We all have ‘bills’,

obligations,

some,

much more than others.

Some of my acquaintances,

make three times,

more an hour than I do,

and,

they are miserable,

no passions,

no hobbies,

and,

not much in the way,

of companionship,

or interaction,

perhaps,

they would be better off,

working less,

making less money,

and,

living more,

perhaps.

Buying into what is expected of you,

from society,

or capitalist consumerism,

just isn’t the way to happiness,

imho,

plus,

I’d like to also put this out there,

making less money,

doesn’t make you a loser,

anymore than,

it makes you a winner.

But, giving yourself,

room to breathe,

to think,

to read,

to spend times with the ones,

you love,

well, to me,

that is important.

My survey monkey job,

allows me to spend,

time,

with my friends,

doesn’t allow,

all inclusive trips to Cuba,

but,

that isn’t my thing anyway.

I like clothes,

I like to go out to lunch,

and for coffee,

I find ways,

and,

I have generous friends,

and,

family,

they spoil me,

mostly by giving me their time,

cooking me dinner,

and such.

I am not too proud,

to acknowledge,

their generosity,

and,

also to recognize,

that for years,

I did it for others,

my generosity with others,

now,

is less of a monetary thing,

but,

I hope that my ear and shoulder,

are there for those of my friends,

who need it.

I think my point is,

🙂

do what you want,

make your choices,

listen to your voice,

not that of others,

if your voice wants you to work,

like an ape and make oodles of money,

well,

hey,

that’s cool,

but, respect that others make different choices,

and,

that even if they make minimum wage,

doesn’t make them losers,

it is in fact,

perhaps,

a harder choice.

Just some thoughts rambling through my mind.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

The personal is indeed political

Well,

that isn’t,

the original phrase,

but,

since there is,

little consensus,

as to who,

coined the phrase,

first,

I am taking my liberties

🙂

One thing we do know,

the phrase,

the personal is political,

was used,

vastly,

by the feminist movement,

a good phrase,

that meant,

in part at least,

if you accept sexism,

in your private life,

because it makes,

you uncomfortable to speak up,

that is political,

and,

if you tell people that sexism,

rape culture and all manner,

of insidious remarks,

that put women down,

aren’t funny,

well,

that is political,

too.

The reason behind,

this long winded,

introduction:

the Sotchi Olympics,

and,

my decision,

many months ago,

to not watch them,

to stage my own,

personal ‘boycott’

I wrote about it,

here,

at the time,

http://bookishbutch.com/?p=3926

my friends and family,

and,

face book acquaintances,

are all aware,

of my position,

on this issue.

But, I will not belittle,

anyone,

for watching,

the Olympics,

I will not preach,

I will not call into question,

their humanity and fortitude.

I am just stating my position.

To me,

this is,

personal,

and,

thus,

political.

I grew up with a love,

of sport,

mostly,

spectator,

:-p

but,

love,

nonetheless.

Not watching the Olympics,

isn’t just windbag stuff,

for me.

It is a sacrifice,

I love the Olympics,

especially the Winter ones,

hockey,

bobsleigh,

speed skating,

all of it,

I am proud of our Canadian athletes,

our women’s hockey team,

will be captained,

by,

one of my favourite,

hockey players,

who will probably,

be making her last,

Olympic appearance,

the great Caroline Ouellette.

The Canadian flag,

will be carried into,

the stadium,

by Haley Wickenheiser,

the greatest female hockey player of all time.

Martin St-Louis,

will finally play for team Canada,

the plucky 5’8 38 year old,

is a last minute replacement,

for Steven Stamkos,

who is injured,

and,

so many great hometown heroes,

and,

determined athletes will be there,

some have worked,

their whole lives for this-

their moment.

So,

no I won’t critcise,

if you choose to support them,

I always have,

and,

I have always,

some would say,

naively,

believed in the principles of Olympism

The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practicing sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.” –Olympic Charter (lifted from Google)

You see,

what it comes down to,

is,

the personal is political,

for me,

it’s personal,

I am Gay,

and,

I am doing this in solidarity,

for my Gay Russian brothers and sisters,

because they are being,

not only,

oppressed,

but,

persecuted,

brutalised,

and this is my way,

of saying,

it’s wrong.

Have there been,

Human rights issues,

at other,

if not,

all,

Olympic games?

Damn right,

there have been.

Will there be again?

Undoubtedly.

But for me,

a proud butch gay woman,

these are more than I can handle.

The thing is,

I believe,

in accepting all peoples,

not tolerance,

to me tolerance,

is like those people who,

in their mealy mouthed way,

say,

Hate the sin love the sinner.

I am no sinner,

I am a good,

law abiding,

tax paying citizen,

I reserve the right to critique,

my government,

in fact I consider,

it,

a duty of citizenship to do so.

Another thing, I won’t hide behind, this I didn’t choose to be Gay thing. Being gay hasn’t been proven,to be genetic, and I for one, hope it never is, goes the way of it’s not my ‘fault’ as if ‘fault’ there was, nope not fault, choice to be true to yourself and to live your life as much on your own terms as possible

So yeah,

the personal is indeed, political.

Later girls,

BB

They closed my bar(:

Mornin’ girls,

hope you are all,

doing well,

or at least hangin’ in.

My ole ass is beyond draggin’,

right now.

I am tired from,

my training schedule,

and,

tired from my training,

pretty much,

always,

tired and crippled with,

self doubt,

I fight my way through it,

some days,

more successfully,

than others,

good thing,

I have good friends,

and,

my mom,

and,

my woman of all my dreams,

listening, encouraging, holding me up,

it takes a village

🙂

Speaking of village,

my bar,

in the gay village has closed

(:-

this is upsetting,

I know,

it’s just a bar,

but,

I always saw it as my bar.

Obviously,

occasional patrons,

like myself,

can’t keep a bar,

open,

you gotta make a profit,

and,

overhead on bars,

is astronomical,

buisness is tough,

I know it is.

Losing,

‘your bar’ creates,

somewhat of a vacuum,

in your life,

where do you meet people for a beer,

what happens to all those,

memories

sigh

In this bar,

I felt I could be as butch,

as I wanted to be,

no one ever called me,

‘Sir’ or “monsieur’

I could sip a beer,

in peace,

knowing how far,

the bathroom,

was.

I’ve had dates,

and,

heart to hearts there.

The first time I ever met,

my girl,

in person,

was in that bar,

nervous,

and,

excited,

but,

comforted by a pint,

and,

familiar,

surroundings,

when she came up,

behind me,

I wasn’t self conscious,

of taking her in my arms,

the bar was a place,

safe from appraising,

and,

possibly,

judgmental eyes.

My bar,

the hockey game on,

with the volume turned down,

the peace of a Sunday or Monday,

I never go out to a bar, on a Friday or Saturday, unless it’s a special occasion, too many people

I will miss my bar,

I understand the factors,

that forced it’s closure,

but,

I will miss it,

RIP Le Drugstore

Later girls,

BB

Pride, community day

I had to delete this post,

the pictures,

I had copied,

on to,

the post,

were not,

showing up,

and,

they are pictures,

I took,

go figure!

Anyway,

trying this a second time,

it might have something,

to do with the new,

theme I am using,

fingers crossed:-)

On Saturday,

I had a wonderful time,

at the Pride community day,

with my friend,

Francoys the anarchist.

It was a gorgeous,

sunny day,

and,

the street was full,

of queers,

of every age,

shape and size.

People my age,

older,

younger,

tourists,

locals,

all kinds of people,

a few drag queens,

but,

not just drag queens,

don’t get me wrong, I love drag queens, but, I enjoy seeing and being a part of the entire rainbow spectrum.

There was a dyke march,

only the second year,

so it’s still quite,

small,

but,

it’s growing

For the past three years,

I think,

it’s three years,

the street has been closed,

to car circulation,

and,

this lovely canopy,

of pink balls,

hangs over the street,

creates a pretty hue,

and,

shadows in the sunlight,

it’s quite amazing.

Community day,

is about resources and networking,

but,

it’s also about,

sports and cultural activities.

We watched a performance,

by,

a lesbian choir,

they were great,

fine looking bunch of dykes,

We had lunch,

on a terrace,

and,

watched the boys put on,

an aerobic display,

note the shadows

It was a great time.

Nice to get out there,

and,

be a member of the community

🙂

Happy Pride.

Later girls,

BB

Hmm, vacation, now that’s a novel concept:-)

Today is May 2 ND 2013,

and,

it is,

the first day of my vacation.

Everything is done,

the post bookstore era,

begins.

Wow,

kind of scary,

when I put it that way.

What will the future,

hold?

what will the future,

bring?

Not a clue

🙂

But, right now,

I’m on vacation,

haven’t had one of those in,

so many years.

No plans, no real demands,

on my time,

‘me time’,

yep quite the novel concept.

I have some social plans,

tomorrow,

afternoon beer,

with a friend,

dinner with my favourite,

anarchist,

and,

next week,

off to TO,

to spend time,

with some dear friends,

but,

aside from that,

nothin’

weird,

I will need to ease into it,

savour and tame it.

I don’t remember how to be,

on vacation,

you all think it’s like riding a bike?

Enjoy the sun,

the Spring.

Later girls,

BB

***Habs play Ottawa tonight, Go Habs Go***

 

What do you do in May in Montreal?

It’s hot.

I just put my down jacket,

away this week,

but,

tonight,

all the windows are open,

and,

we watched hockey,

in Summer attire.

Yes,

girls,

it’s that time of year,

once again,

May,

and,

NHL Playoffs!!!!

My team starts tomorrow,

they play the Ottawa Senators,

I hate the Senators,

I don’t care that they are,

a Canadian team.

I’m not a ‘homer’,

I am a rabid Montreal Canadiens fan,

but,

if and when they are eliminated,

I will root for Chicago.

I love the Hawks.

I love hockey,

and,

The Blackhawks play,

a superior brand of hockey.

The Senators,

are a good team,

a talented team,

but,

above all,

they are a ‘chippy’ team,

and,

diving whiners.

Did I mention I hated the Senators?:-)

One team only I dislike more,

the Flyers,

but,

they didn’t make,

the playoffs,

this year.

I like my Habs’ chances,

but,

it will be tough,

I’m thinking 6 or 7 games.

I’m proud of our team,

they beat the odds to be there.

So, it’s Spring and it’s hot,

and,

the bookstore,

is closed and empty-

time for HOCKEY

🙂

Later girls,

BB

Wonder if these boots are made for walking??

Ah yes,

another sunny day,

I think it might actually be Spring,

for real, this time!!!

This time of year is lovely,

it does create it’s challenges,

dressing wise,

too warm for the wool sweaters,

too cool for the light cotton ones,

time to put away,

the down jackets,

the wool caps,

out with the Irish driving cap,

in with the baseball caps.

I’ve lost some weight,

in the last few years,

seasons,

and,

some of my,

favourite things,

look ridiculously big,

on me,

my L.L Bean chambray shirt,

looks like I borrowed it,

from someone who is heftier,

don’t get me wrong,

I’m no svelte butch,

still more than chunky,

the gut, the gut, the bloody gut,

but, I am slimmer than I was,

need some Spring and Summer wear,

thing is,

I don’t really like Summer clothes,

I’m a Fall butch,

but,

I need some lighter,

shirts,

and,

shoes,

I don’t do sandals, white, white feet, dirty, dirty streets, nope no sandals.

So in the spirit,

of,

new paths to take,

increased heat,

and,

even,

down the road,

the ole butch,

looking for a job!!!!

I picked up,

what I hope will be,

a perfect middle ground,

boot/shoe.

Made of Italian leather,

slimmer profile,

than the desert boot,

rubber sole,

and,

made right here in Canada,

plus,

I think they are awesome,

These are Roots tribe chukka boots,

they are slimmer from the front,

.

What do you think?

You like?

Nice huh?

😛

So now all I have to do is,

resolve the shirts issues,

oh sweet Chambray shirt wherefore art thou

😛

Did I mention I have the weekend off,

silly butch,

that’s me.

Have a great Sunday.

Later girls,

BB

***I’m taking my boots out for a walk***

Here Comes The Sun

Today is Saturday,

and,

I have the day off,

wow,

I don’t remember the last time,

that happened,

amazing.

Of course for the next,

few months,

at least,

this will be a regular,

thing.

I was wondering something,

yesterday,

would I have accepted,

the decision to close,

the bookstore,

as well,

nine years ago?

You know,

I doubt it,

the last nine years,

of running,

the bookstore,

on a shoestring budget,

of long hours,

and,

occasionally very difficult people,

has taught me lots,

about myself,

about what I am,

capable of.

I have much more confidence,

in myself than I used to,

I know myself so much better,

is that just the result of,

aging?

passing years?

experience?

sure it is,

but,

it is also what you have,

done or not done,

during those years,

that allows the growth,

the people you have,

interacted with,

the joy,

but,

also,

and perhaps,

most important,

the challenges, the difficulties, the hardships,

the feeling of pulling yourself,

out,

up,

through,

that’s what makes you stronger.

that and the support of precious friends, family and loved ones

I think this experience,

nine years ago,

would have been harder,

I would have,

panicked,

easier,

I would have felt more of a need,

to justify and probably felt,

hard done by,

maybe even a little,

bitter.

Now,

I know the only one,

I am really accountable to,

is me,

and,

although the experience has,

had it challenges,

and,

occasional lack of,

serenity,

I did it.

The buying and setting up,

of the bookstore,

mom and I did,

jointly,

equally,

but,

walking away,

liquidating,

moving on,

I did.

With a little help from my friends

🙂

I believe age,

in my case,

has made me mellower,

more patient with human fraility,

less patient with human folly.

I’m in a good place,

plus I’m in love with her and I feel fine

🙂

(ever find that Beatles lyrics seem appropriate to any and all circumstances?)

Have a great weekend,

don’t look now,

but,

Here Comes The Sun

Later girls,

BB

Revisiting can be stimulating

Things are almost finished,

I know,

it seems I keep saying that,

but,

these things take time,

patience grasshopper

🙂

Still experiencing problems,

reading,

I mean books,

but,

I’m working my way through,

slowly, slowly,

On Equilibrium,

by John Raulston Saul,

a philosophy book,

for reasonably literate,

non philosophy types,

I think I fit into that category,

haven’t had time to read for a long stretch,

but,

I think I’m going to like it,

I rescued it,

from the fill a bag for ten bucks sale

🙂

Last night,

mom was watching TV,

it was blaring away,

and,

she wanted to watch some,

news show,

about terrorism in the world.

She asked me what I thought,

I told her that next to a show,

about bookstores closing,

all over the world,

that’s the last thing,

I’d want to watch.

So she suggested something,

on Discovery,

called:

All The President’s Men Revisited,

ok,

that was more like it.

I love American history,

and,

politics,

and,

that movie,

which shows,

the power of journalism,

and,

the abuse of power,

good stuff.

This show,

featured interviews,

with Woodward, Bernstein, Redford, Hoffman,

as well as,

John Dean and many other of the President’s men.

I was  young,

when all the Watergate stuff,

was going down,

a kid really,

but,

I remember,

as a Canadian looking from outside,

the impact it had,

culturally as well as politically.

I loved Woodward and Bernstein,

as personified by Redford and Hoffman,

they were fantastic,

a study in contrasts,

Bernstein-Hoffman all brash lefty Jew,

Woodward-Redford waspy meticulate calm,

working together,

as young journalists,

to crack,

what would become,

one of the greatest political stories,

of the twentieth century.

So good,

the story,

the movie,

filled with some great character actors,

Jason Robards,

Jack Warden,

Martin Balsam,

Hal Holbrook,

Jane Alexander,

top notch,

if you’ve never seen this movie,

do,

some of Redford’s best work,

as an actor,

from his political “Three Days Of The Condor” period.

This movie stands up,

even Redford’s style is impeccable,

corduroy suits,

long sideburns,

the ties are too wide,

but,

hey that was the time.

I’ve seen this movie,

many times,

in whole or in part,

I discover new things each time.

I hesitate to use the word,

but,

I believe this is,

a masterpiece of cinema,

a great American movie,

from the seventies,

a time of turmoil,

violence and gritty moviemaking.

It is full of thrill and intelligence,

and,

art.

Rent it,

watch it on Netflix,

see it,

worth your time.

You’ll

be entertained,

stimulated,

and,

learn a thing or two,

I did and do,

everytime.

Later girls,

BB

Quirky? Really??

I had a good day.

The weather was great,

sunny, mild,

real nice,

ah Spring,

happy sigh

The books are all gone,

I now have,

an empty bookstore,

weird.

I managed to liquidate,

an entire bookstore,

in seven weeks!!!

Well, three quarters, the last quarter, I sold to a local guy who sells used stuff, furniture, books etc, he used to come to the bookstore when we was a young guy. Nice to keep everything in the neighbourhood.

It would seem,

I’m better at liquidating,

bookstores,

than keeping them operational

😛

(I’m kidding)

I have to thank,

my loyal customers,

and,

the locals,

for helping me,

by buying lots of books,

and,

steadily emptying the shelves.

Just like I have,

to thank,

my mom,

for believing in such a crazy dream,

almost nine years ago,

I never could have done it,

without,

her support,

her hard work,

and,

her belief,

in me,

in the potential of books,

and,

the power of dreams,

thanks mom

Now, all I have left to do,

is sweep away the dust bunnies,

walk towards,

the horizon,

down the next bend.

Someone called me,

quirky,

today,

not quite sure,

what I think about that.

I know she meant it,

in the most complimentary,

way,

still….

For years,

I have referred to myself,

as an eccentric bookseller,

as in:

‘I can wear whatever I want, I’m an eccentric bookseller, thus, sweaters with holes are allowed’

but,

quirky?

Don’t know what I think of that,

do we take quirky people,

seriously,

do we give them respect,

do we give them jobs,

hmm,

food for thought.

Speaking of which,

I’m reading again,

my concentration is back

🙂

updates soon.

Be well, all of you,

enjoy the burgeoning Spring.

Later girls,

BB