On style and typecasting

Hello all,
October, love October,
raw natural beauty.

Lots going on,
feeling kind of raw,
sore.
Soreness of the,
psyche.

Body is ok,
getting better,
all the time,
feeling strong,
not yet,
svelte,
but,
working on it,
someday...

I have had a bit,
of a weight plateau,
going on,
it's normal,
you have to shake,
things up,
if you want to resume,
the loss.
I have started,
doing my cardio,
on an empty stomach,
and,
it's working,
feel stronger and leaner,
good feeling.

Been a tough week,
emotionally,
and,
although,
I won't go,
into details,
some things are,
private,
it has been difficult,
and I feel adrift.
I don't think,
I am rudderless,
but, there is definitely,
a crack in it.
A little putty,
will be required to fix,
the crack.

I have been wondering,
how,
to fix it.
DIY ing.
Thinking, overthinking,
even.
Those of you,
who know me,
know that I am,
anything but Zen.
Don't even need to know me,
just reading me,
tells you that:-)


So the hamster,
that lives in,
my brain,
has been cycling,
running the wheel,
triple salchowing,
up a storm,
burn baby burn.
He hasn't come up,
with much,
hamsters are sweet,
but,
they need help,
in the,
interpretation,
department.

I need to reassess,
things,
notions I have had,
for years,
I need to get,
to the bottom,
of certain things,
what am I truly,
looking for in,
relationships,
in work,
in life.

I know that sounds,
a little over stated, 
and,
honestly,
on the whole,
I am pretty together,
and,
confident of my abilities,
but...
like the style of my blog,
was dictated,
by the form I used,
because of wonky,
computer skills,

True story, didn't like how the paragraphs looked,
because of margin set ups and my lack of knowledge about them,
I went for a stanza like, look.
Strangely, it has served me well, it has become my style,
the odd cadence, staccato 'sound'.
in this case necessity, 'invented' my style.



It worked for the blog,
but,
does it,
with life,
should we just accept,
the role we are cast in,
or should we change that,
rage against the typecast,
is what people perceive,
important

I am butch, 
I say it,
I write it,
I wear it,
to me it means,
a ton of complex things,
I am not one thing,
I am thousands of things,
and,
feelings,
I am tough,
I am vulnerable,
I am smart,
I am clueless,
I am butch,
I am woman,
non conventional,
perhaps,
I am yin and yang,
I am sensitive,
I am petty,
I am gentle,
I am rough,
I am every man,
I am every woman,
and,
yet uniquely,
me.

and right now,
contrary to outward,
appearances,
I am a little bit,
lost

But, I see a light,
ahead,
and,
the wind is at my back..

Be well.

Later girls,
BB

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

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