Of drudgery and dreams

Hope you are all,

keeping well,

in this last half of,

Summer.

I like August,

still some heat,

long days but,

the harvest begins,

the colours are more mellow,

less the stark sun and blue,

of July,

nice month.

It’s been a weird week,

lots of good,

and,

some.

disconcerting things,

too,

things that set my mind to,

thinking.

I like my job,

it’s not much,

in the way of money,

or stimulation,

but,

growth opportunities,

are present,

and some pretty odd examples,

of human nature,

abound,

some times it is,

entertaining,

some times it is just,

annoying,

but,

always it is food for thought,

be it learning about,

myself,

my own foibles, limitations, which of my buttons are easily pushed,

or it is an opportunity,

to wonder,

how some people manage,

to survive,

if not prosper,

in spite of,

their horrendous people skills,

and,

what can only be described as ,

toxic personalities.

You know the kind of person I mean,

you can avoid them,

in your intimate circles,

mostly,

but,

when it comes to the workplace,

that is harder.

We have quite a few of them at work,

victims,

misunderstood,

in some cases for real,

in other cases,

well…

It’s hard,

day in day out dealing with these,

personalities,

but,

it also hones,

your people skills,

even though, in all modesty, mine are very good.

So, this week,

I have put up,

as we all must,

at least a bit,

with drudgery,

it is part of life,

the key is to make it as small a part of life,

as,

possible.

Also this week,

I’ve been thinking,

about my dreams,

short, mid, long term,

have they changed?

In the next year,

or so,

I would like to travel,

I would like to visit friends,

in Yellowknife,

the Canadian North.

I would like to spend more time,

taking photos,

so my dream of a book,

can get closer,

I want to keep feeling,

as well,

as I have been in the past few months,

exercise, eat well, stay away from the cigarettes,

keep building a better butch

🙂

Last night,

at work,

one of my colleagues,

asked why I had increased,

the number of hours I work,

and,

I said,

quite frankly,

I need the money.

She made a really odd joke,

she is a very odd duck,

about how she thought,

I might be,

following her example,

hmm.

I said,

you know,

at my age,

I am not too concerned about,

other people as role models.

As soon,

as I said it,

I wondered if it was true.

I think it is more,

that I care less,

much less,

about what people think,

about how I choose to live my life.

I still have role models,

people whose work I adore,

people who conduct themselves,

in a fashion,

which I respect,

admire,

aspire to.

One that comes to mind is:

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Allison Bechdel,

the writer,

the cartoonist,

butch extraordinaire,

I love her,

more and more.

I watch excerpts of,

Fun Home (the musical based on her graphic novel)

on You Tube,

12ALISON-articleLarge

and,

I think to myself,

wow,

she just nailed it didn’t she?

she and the book writer and lyricist,

have put out there,

to the world,

a funny and poignant,

and,

dripping with truth and pain and joy,

depiction of,

being young and lesbian,

of awakening,

of recognizing,

of fear and wonder.

Songs like Ring Of Keys and I’m Changing my Major,

make me tear up,

I recognize my life,

me.

They,

all of them,

writer, composer, cast and crew,

have depicted for the world,

how a budding and growing butch’s life,

can have as much universality as ,

a little girl in the south watching her daddy,

defend a black man,

a teenager filled with angst on a lark of a road trip,

all of our stories,

have our own truth,

but, also the collective,

our truth.

That is what the greatest of art does,

for me,

illuminates the experience of living,

shows the universal,

through the specific,

the macro through the micro.

These are the ramblings of,

my mind,

this week.

Thanks for reading.

Be well, all of you.

Later girls,

BB

p.s I will be reading this week, Are You Mother? a comic drama by Ms. Bechdel

 

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

5 thoughts on “Of drudgery and dreams”

  1. That was a great read, very personal and epic in its own intimate way. Also very true and human. I am particularly exhausted from thoughts and one scene from one of my favourite films has haunted me recently…a scene from Tarkovsky’s film Andrei Rublev…it’s the mounting of the bell on a hill. A young man has been chosen to engineer this great feat! After exhausting challenges and dealing with personalities as you have described in your poetic thoughts, he finishes the job and finally collapses in the arms of Andrei Rublev, the Russian painter! I will one day collapse when my journey finds the middle point and I hope someone is there to catch me. For awhile questions have become too much to handle, I am only looking for answers even if they are temporary solutions and temporary anecdotes, it’s better than nothing and better than nowhere! Let’s keep trucking as they say…

  2. I hearty YES! for Alison – and an Amen! for caring less and less what people think. A younger friend of mine often describes her fretting after the fact of how events went that she participated in – and most of her fretting/reflections concern how other people perceived the choices she made or decisions made by others that she supported. Listening to her has allowed me to see how much I have been freed from those types of concerns. I am confident in my moral compass – and I do the best I can, the rest does not belong to me.

    As for Bechdel – from the beginning, the DTWOF cartoons, she has put my life on paper and made it live in the imaginations of others. Her two memoirs/graphic novels are simply brilliant.

  3. I love her work, and I love her, I am reading Are You My Mother? it is so well written, she conveys so much, truly a gifted writer and artist, will review when I finish, it will take a bit to digest, dense.

  4. I agree. Very dense. Very literate. I had to take it slowly, do independent research at times, and still enjoyed it much more the second time through.

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