Keeping busy just might be the key

Hello you all,

I have been in a cranky mood,

lately,

feeling unappreciated and unloved,

totally ridiculous,

but, hey,

you know,

hormones be hormones.

I thought I had avoided them,

the menopausal and post menopausal hormones,

but,

I have not,

I have been,

almost simultaneously,

this week,

a bitch on wheels,

and,

an ‘on the verge of sniveling’ wreck.

What’s wrong with me?

Nothing,

well nothing,

tangible.

I feel a surge of emotion coming up,

and,

I can’t really control it,

well,

that’s not quite right,

in the company of strangers,

I can,

I walk away,

at work,

I count to ten,

but,

with my mom,

with my girl,

and,

my really good friends,

it is hard to control,

maybe because,

I have lots of trust and love for them,

it’s been hard.

It doesn’t last as long,

as it used to,

but, still…

Any number of things can set it off.

Being contradicted,

can make me angry,

and,

turn me into a quasi petulant child,

not fun.

I have been trying to stay away,

from people,

not subject them,

to my toxic-ness.

I have even restricted my time,

on face book and such,

hoping to keep away,

from things that trigger,

the …

whatever it is,

trouble with my computer,

can ruin my day,

the washing machine dying pissed me off for a week,

these hormones are bad.

The world is messed up,

and,

there is plenty to be angry and outraged,

about,

and,

I am but, I can’t let the ‘little’ things get to me.

So,

I will be avoiding social contact for a while,

hoping it passes,

soon.

please, please

I have taken on an extra evening,

at work,

I need to work more hours,

I need a little extra cash,

but,

mostly, I need to keep busy,

when I am busy,

not exhausted busy,

but,

busy-

ideas,

develop,

manifest themselves.

So for the next little while,

work,

walk,

read,

take pics,

stay away from possible sources,

of negative and or conflict,

because right now,

I’m in a combustive state

🙂

I plan on a retreat to a monastery,

well , the ladies annex,

in October,

three or four days,

of walking, sleeping, eating good wholesome food,

taking pictures and recalibrating myself.

I tell you,

this menopause and getting older stuff,

it ain’t for wimps.

But,

that’s ok,

I ain’t no wimp.

😛

Be well my friends,

all of you.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

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