Gifts and conscience

canadian blog awards

Winner 2013 LGBT category

Hello girls,

how are you?

Summer treating you well?

Getting out and smelling the roses?

I sure hope so

-:)

This is my very,

first post,

on my new MacBook,

well, new to me.

It was  a gift,

from my friend Chris,

one of my oldest,

and,

truly,

dearest friends.

I don’t think,

at this point,

I need to tell you all,

how important and dear to me,

my friends,

are.

You know I don’t think you could find a luckier butch, friendship wise, just saying

On Sunday,

we had a memorial brunch,

for my anarchist.

There has been much,

ugliness and pettiness,

surrounding the estate and the memorial,

it is hard,

to understand,

peoples motivations,

sometimes,

in the case of some people,

at all times,

but,

it is done,

thanks to the,

stellar negotiation skills,

of his oldest friend.

Francoys will travel back,

to the North,

with his beloved son.

A fitting resting place,

in the cold and the snow,

he loved both.

I miss him,

so much.

But, I have no regrets.

We knew,

both of us,

just what we meant to each other,

and dog knows,

it isn’t always like that,

especially,

the,

no regrets part.

My dad,

used to say,

when I was a kid,

‘as long as you can look yourself in the mirror when you shave and not have your conscience bother you, you’re good’

Of course, I pointed out to dad, that women don’t shave, and for that matter, neither do all men, so we changed it to brush your teeth, everyone does that:-)

The notion of conscience,

here,

has nothing to do,

with,

religion.

It is truly,

about,

living with yourself,

as a thinking and sensitive human being,

yes,

cutting yourself slack,

but,

doing the best you can to be a good person.

I hear and read a lot of excuses,

on the part of people,

justification for inconsiderate behaviour,

and,

prejudiced and idiotic opinions,

with this whole,

‘I am just me’

crap.

I indulge in it,

myself.

But, when I brush my teeth,

look in the mirror,

I bring myself back.

See, the thing is,

who the hell else but you, would you be?

Having a past,

issues,

even personality disorders,

is no excuse,

for being an ass,

truly,

ever.

Of course, I don’t mean,

we should not embrace,

our differences and marginality,

we should,

we must.

Also,

sometimes,

we must forgive,

ourselves,

and,

others,

for being scared.

But wallowing,

and,

navel gazing,

must be kept to a minimum.

Like my dad,

I am a bit,

of a wallower,

I beat myself up,

I brood over things,

and,

feel hard done by,

despair of the world,

My mom is nothing like that, she is a turn the page kind of a lady, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and keep calm and carry on, a very pragmatic thinker, and when things hurt too much or she can’t think anymore, she goes to sleep and says I’ll think of it tomorrow and often a solution/answer presents itself during the night, doesn’t work with us brooder insomniac types:-)

but,

I let go,

eventually,

I forgive,

myself,

others,

I just need to work out,

why I acted or others acted,

the way I/they did,

can be a long process.

I know for others it is,

a weird way of being,

they move on,

I inch on,

but,

once I have,

examined,

come to,

an understanding,

I go forward,

my boots plant firmly towards,

the next fork in the road.

The gifts I have received,

the cameras and now the new Mac,

YAY!!!

but,

most especially,

the love and friendship,

and measure of peace,

knowing that the big man,

was honoured as is fit,

and,

will rest in peace,

helps,

ground me,

in the new,

path,

towards the future.

Life and it’s blessings are beautiful,

and,

I ain’t just whistling Dixie.

Later girls,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

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