May 1 st

canadian blog awardsWinner in the LGBT category

Today is May day,

an important day in workers history,

and,

an important day in my history.

One year,

ago,

today,

I closed my bookstore,

Encor’Lire,

was no more.

The symbolism of the date is also intriguing.

I went from being,

the bookstore lady,

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to the yearning writer photographer,

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What a ride it has been,

the year of uncertainty,

the year of hard and strong emotions,

the year of reconstruction,

the year of the phoenix,

wow,

what a year.

I miss my little place,

so much,

but,

as I told,

my good friend Christine,

today,

over dinner,

the freedom,

that comes with the newness,

and,

yes,

uncertainty,

is priceless.

There has been,

lots of stumbling about,

even a few falls,

in this year,

dark hours,

of doubt,

of grief,

of fear,

but,

on this the first anniversary,

of the,

post bookstore era,

I know,

a few more,

things about myself,

than I did,

a year ago.

I am a leaner,

more confident,

me.

I have,

through,

the love and support,

of my family,

at the top of which, is my mother, without whom, neither the dream of the bookstore nor the relatively painless dismantling would have been possible, she is my rock, she stands stalwartly with me, never against me, above and beyond the unconditional maternal love- she believes. She even lets me practice taking pictures of her and she’s not crazy about being photographed:-) I can only hope she knows that I know, just how lucky I am, to have her.

my friends,

they know who they are,

the anarchist,

my ex,

my A,

Christine,

Peter,

Renaud,

and,

others,

who listen,

and,

have offered their ear and their shoulder.

My patrons,

who through their gifts of cameras,

have made the new phase,

possible.

Pierre,

and,

Shawn Marie,

thank you.

Chris and Diadra,

who are teaching me,

about photography,

and,

my face book friends,

Ken, Nicole, Sally, John and Johnny and others,

who encourage me,

and,

always ‘like’ my pictures,

and,

you my loyal readers,

who keep on the journey,

with me,

thank you, all of you.

A special shout out to Dee, who always has a kind and supportive comment, you rock, Dee

I even thank the naysayers,

they give me something to strive,

against,

and sharpen,

my debating and oratory skills,

make me think,

outside the box,

I never wish to be in

đŸ™‚

I look back on this year,

with gratitude,

for what I have,

for what I have learned,

and,

for giving me a chance,

to learn,

both,

what I want,

and,

don’t want.

It is a luxury,

in this world,

of enslavement,

to be,

relatively,

free,

this,

I know.

So yes,

I miss my place,

but,

my new ‘place’,

is bigger and better,

and,

has many undiscovered regions.

What does the future hold?

I don’t know,

but,

I will enjoy the walk,

I have boots for walking,

a bag with a pen, notebook,

and,

a camera around my neck,

a curious mind,

and,

belief.

This butch is moving,

forward,

sideways,

maybe even,

backwards,

sometimes,

but,

walking I am.

Later girls,

BB

***photo credit to Neath Turcot (Ken) 1 st picture and to Diadra Sherwin 2nd picture**

 

 

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

4 thoughts on “May 1 st”

  1. Very nice post. I can’t believe its been a year. I still think about the bookstore very often and in some ways, those were the best days of my life. However, as one of my friends said to me “you have to be a grown up” and do what needs to be done.

    So, here is to old bookstores who have brought us joy – thanks for the great memories and the great friends we made through them.

  2. I know, time flies! I can’t agree with your friend about growing up but, I do agree that moving on is sometimes important. The memories are good ones.

  3. Waving right back at you. I can’t believe it’s been a year since you closed your bookstore either. The journey through change is lightning fast and achingly slow, isn’t it? Have fun as you keep on keeping on and the road in front widens.

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