Decisions, emotions and heat…

Ok,

let’s get this out of the way,

It’s so hot,

again,

still.

yep,

sitting at the keyboard,

sweating,

in a,

tee and boxers,

sigh

A lot of things,

been going on,

in my head,

since last I wrote.

I keep having these,

debates,

with myself,

not sure who is winning

😛

about what kind of job,

I should look for,

I see two very distinct,

avenues,

both have pros,

both have cons,

and,

I am undoubtedly, not really seeing, the forest for the trees

Based on past experience,

and,

background,

I could get a customer service job,

telecommunications,

banking,

credit card compagnies,

insurance,

all,

offer tons of jobs,

they pay,

more than decently,

benefits etc,

but,

it is a world,

I left,

that I was desperate,

to get away from,

ten years ago,

still…

if I did it for a year,

or so,

fill the coffers,

etc.

maybe…

The second avenue,

is get a part time job,

that allows me to keep,

my head above water,

and,

gives me time,

to think,

to write.

It,

takes more than,

two months,

to get back on course,

especially,

when you aren’t sure,

which road to pick,

this shouldn’t be,

a whim,

thing,

not deciding,

which chinos to wear.

Take the time.

The opportunity,

might not,

show up,

again,

for a while.

I must consider options,

brainstorm,

with friends,

acquaintances,

get the word out,

BB is looking for work.

One of the things,

that has both knocked me down,

and,

perked me up,

I know, I know, makes no sense

has been the transformation,

of what used to be ,

the bookstore,

into a much expanded,

cafe,

with addition of Gelato,

and,

more free wifi space.

Remember what it looked like?

 

without hair,

Last day.

and now,

Photo: Le Baobab Café, nouvelle formule!© Le Baobab café

Light and airy,

no books,

no dust,

life goes on,

so yeah,

it’s been a week,

fraught with emotions,

of all kinds,

I’m hanging in,

and,

I’m writing,

everyday,

one of these days, I will announce that my novel is for sale, soon, keep faith in BB:-)

Keep working the transformation,

keep my sanity,

recognize,

how lucky,

and,

blessed,

I am.

Later girls,

BB

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

8 thoughts on “Decisions, emotions and heat…”

  1. As a self-employed person, and a corporate refugee, my unsolicited advice would be to stay part-time, keep your sanity, and pursue your dreams. For those of us who find the other a grind, I think we die off a bit each day in our out of work time as well – the job takes more of our energy than we think – there’s less available for the passions and pleasures that allow us to grow in mind, heart & spirit.

  2. Dear Dee, thank you for your words of encouragement and, for sharing. You know, all day today, as I went about my day, running errands, going for coffee, running into friends etc, I remembered what it was like in the last years I worked for the phone company, I hated it, I was miserable and it bled into the rest of my life, it affected my sleep, my health, perhaps even my sanity. I was thinking all that and then I read your comment, yep, part time job, full time passion that’s the way it’s going to be, I’m used to being broke but, I’m also used to having time and that, is a commodity I am unwilling to give up. You frequently encourage me with your words, I want to tell you that I appreciate that, very much:-)

  3. You are most welcome! I find that you and i are walking paths with many similarities. I also learn about myself from things you’ve shared about yourself.

    One thing I admire about you is how self-reflective you seem to be in the moment/during the process. I think that I am slower to digest and assimilate my emotions and experiences. I lose track of the big picture, the tides of emotion or reaction that are carrying me, and trudge from task to task (or obstacle to obstacle) – thank goodness for friends (and my wonderful gf) who bring the gift of perspective & insight. If not for them, I’d be laboring in my own version of the Augean stables, without the insight to recruit the rivers to my task.

  4. Dee, I think the blog allows, maybe even forces me to be self-reflective, I wonder if I really am?
    I know that I have been a bear to be around and a bit of an emotional mess and yet, people say I look so good and confident(go figure). I’m so lucky to have good friends and my mom and my gf and the dude, all of whom have been putting up with me, I’m sometimes hard to take:-)

  5. I believe we are all hard to take from time to time. And yes – without our friends and family, we would be much sorrier – and certainly less insightful!

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