It’s a million little things and a few, big things.

It’s a cloudy,

foggy morning,

slowly clearing.

So far May,

has seemed more,

March than May,

but it’s early days,

very early days.

I received an email,

a few days ago,

from someone who,

I can only assume is,

a reader of this blog.

Perky, friendly email,

that asks a question,

that is deceptively,

straightforward,

‘Since you bill yourself as butch…can you please tell me your definition of butch”

she goes on to say,

that she identifies as butch,

but,

people don’t always see her that way,

‘maybe ’cause she looks quite femme and talks quite femme’

What do I say,

she asks.

Hmm,

well, I say,

if you see yourself,

as butch,

you must be butch:-)

Butch,

isn’t one thing.

It’s a million little things,

and,

a few,

big things.

I believe it’s as difficult,

to define butch,

as it is to define,

feminine,

or,

manly,

and yet,

I have an urge to try,

feeling brave,

lately:-)

So, this is my attempt,

to define,

Butch.

It will undoubtedly fall short, and, some will say, ‘No way BB, that isn’t what butch means!!!’ but, basically, I was asked how, I define butch, right? 🙂

So,

Sits up straight, rubs hands together, rolls shoulders, gets up to make coffee…sits back down in front of computer.

Is Butch about the way,

you dress?

the way you wear,

your hair?

the kind of underwear?

the kind of boots?

flannel?

no flannel?

predominately top?

but,

sometimes not?

Yeah,

for me it’s all that,

and,

being true,

to the little voice,

deep inside,

it’s soft and clear,

and,

what it says is

‘Butch, that’s what I am’

it’s a bit,

of soft,

and,

it’s a bit of tough,

it’s about being,

her rock,

and letting her see,

you.

It’s about stoicism,

and,

gooeyness,

it’s what you are,

every last bit of you,

it’s a million little things,

and,

a few bigs things.

It’s about what I’ve been trying,

to define,

to myself all these,

years.

It appears so straightforward,

and,

remains so complex.

It’s what I write about,

it’s my life,

it’s me.

It’s hard to define,

I’ll keep trying,

if you’ll all keep reading,

and,

being interested.

I doubt that helps,

Dear L,

but, I tried…

🙂

Later girls,

BB

 

 

Published by

Bookish Butch

I am a bookish butch in my very early fifties. I live in Montréal and always have. I used to run a small used bookstore. Reading keeps me sane. My latest jiggie is photography, book project in the works, living the dream

6 thoughts on “It’s a million little things and a few, big things.”

  1. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading! Definitions…of a human being, of an inner sense that match the outer package: how hard is that?

    Perhaps butch can be an identity and a behaviour and an act and a label and an attitude. Same with femme. Is it possible to be butch at heart and still wear a dress… even if it confuses people and messes with stereotypes and confounds assumptions?

    much to ponder….

  2. Some days there is far too much to ponder, so just for today, I am turning off my brain. One of my sisters did that last weekend, and she ended up in Montreal when she was aiming for Ottawa — her sense of direction, following road signs as well as her driving skills are somewhat challenged. She arrived at the wedding on time though.

    So I will ponder another day.

  3. Ok, you take a break, nothing wrong with turning off the brain, I wish I could sometimes.
    Between you and me, a side trip to Montreal, not such a bad thing, is it? 🙂

  4. There are healthy ways to turn off the brain — or perhaps redirect is a better term — that are refreshing.

    A side trip to Montreal… not so bad. I am all for detours, and even getting lost, since that tends to lead to all sorts of adventures, but I am also for a good level of awareness while driving and when it’s required to be at a certain place and a certain time. It seems people that have weddings are sticklers for such things.

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